I feel with your feet! I also have a relatively high instep/ arch and narrow heels. So high vamped shoes sometimes cause discomfort (or I can't get them on) and lower vamp shoes won't stay on my feet.
I am fortunate in that my feet are regular width and I do not have bunions.
So at least I can wear sandals in summer. Plus, I live in a cold climate -- which allows me to wear boots and booties for a good portion of the year. While there are some styles that are hard for me to get on, most now have zippered sides, which makes for easier entry and greater comfort. Add to this a relatively casual lifestyle (work from home) and a relatively androgynous style, and I can get away with boots/ booties and sandals for most of the year.
BUT. You knew that was coming, right?
I do have a ladylike streak! So I love to wear a pretty and frankly feminine outfit now and again. Plus, some occasions just plain call for it. Meanwhile, I also happen to have rather short legs. And there is nothing that flatters a short calf more than a low vamp shoe.
What's a girl to do?
I have tried all the proffered solutions. Heel grippers, heel lifts, insoles throughout, etc. etc. etc. Never had much success beyond a wearing or two.
My next attempt was Mary Janes.
Unfortunately, most of these make me feel either too "little girl" or too "retro" in a way that doesn't work with my style persona.
Also, I am with Diana -- low vamp shoes are useless except for dress up in winter for me. I do wear oxfords with pants in the autumn. These stay on because they tie up.
A couple of other options that might work for you, depending on your climate and needs.
1. Don't completely give up on flats, slipper flats, and pumps. It is true that this is pretty much a doomed search, but if you accept that and simply try them on whenever you get the chance, you might hit on a pair that actually works. I'm told that some manufacturers still make lasts with different HEEL sizes. This, to me, would be the holy grail. But in the meantime, I, and a few other Fabbers, have found success with SELECT styles of Ecco and Munro shoes. Note that most won't work. But I do own one pair of Ecco pumps that stay on me, and I will never get rid of them -- precisely for this reason. I don't care if they are a bit less current -- at least they are a pump. I also have a pair of 9 west almond toe flats that stay on me. (The Itsonn, which I believe comes in some widths.) Forum member Diana (who also has very narrow heels) found success with a Munro slipper flat. I read all reviews assiduously. Sometimes you can find some helpful information there.
2. Try an ankle strap shoe instead of a Mary Jane. For instance, the famed Sam Edelman Okalas actually come in widths and they stay on. For me, these are strictly a summer shoe, but nonetheless, they give me hope. A bit more current than a MJ strap, yet secure. I find that one toned more or less to my skin is more elongating, but Angie has all kinds of clever tips for wearing them. The Okala has a heel but there were a lot of flat versions this year also. I can't wear complete flats with comfort so I didn't try them out.
3. Another option would be a MJ with a diagonal strap, sort of like these flamenco shoes below. The diagonal looks more "adult," a little less "retro," and is more elongating -- at least to my eye. I have seen Tsubo shoes with straps like this -- and they are supposed to be comfortable.
4. Something with a t-strap could also work and again, this is more elongating. There are quite a few flats with t-straps around right now -- even Valentino, if you are feeling rich!
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