What a great thread! It seems like that lots of pple still have their first splurge item, and still wear them! Let's hope today's expensive items are as well made, and that if we buy them today we will be able to wear them for a long time.

I can so relate to those resorting to strategies to "hide" the amount of the purchase from their loved ones. Funny how we feel we must apologize and justify our purchases, even on this very forum! It's all conditioning. We are put in a tough spot, as spouses, mothers, workers, women. On one hand everyone should come before us and we shouldn't attribute so much money on ourselves, on the other, it does cost $ to dress decently with durable, quality items. Many of us fall into the trap of buying only when on sale, which, as was mentioned, is a bad strategy. Think of it - and I apologize in advance for this "feminist" 101 image here: would the men in our lives do the same for their clothes and gear? No, when they need something, they may shop for the best quality-price, but they don't systematically get them on sale.

For me it's up and down, come and go. I confess: I'm a yo-yo shopper! It partly is due to my career path not being smooth and straight.

So I found I've had many "primed the pump" purchases, over the years. Each time I had retracted into asceticism for a while, a new purchase "broke me". Very recently, I made one of my biggest purchases ever, but I got many items from a collection. I paid full price, yes. I had been wanting to wear fresh, floral dresses and skirts for the summer, without looking like a hippie, and my splurge led me to 2 skirts and a dress: with the tops and toppers, it got to (CAN)$1000. I had a little heart arrest when paying - and after. I actually had insomnia the following night and had to MISS WORK the following day, this is how bad it affected me. I tried and tried the items at home wondering if I should return some, but I love them all and they work so well together. The effect on my whole summer wardrobe is indescribable. Forgotten, good quality but hard to match items came to light, while the ones I had been struggling with last summer all went in the donation pile. I realized my cheap, buy-on-sale-only attitude had lead to some head-ache items I was desperately trying to fit into. Without my realizing, It trickled down to a bit of body dysmorphia, and maybe a bit of eating disorder resurfacing ... not all the way, but let's say that the psychological effect of a cheap wardrobe to me, was that I ended up spending WAY too much thinking space on how my body was "wrong". Now, with the new wardrobe from a classic store, I realize it's not my body at all! And it does feel very good to look good and feel finally put together. At my age (45), it's important.

LACeleste story is wonderful.

Like LynD, I have been a sale shopper for quite some time. However when I first began working and living away from my parents, I wouldn't think twice about how much I spent on clothing. Once I spent my entire week's salary on an outfit from an exclusive Collins Street Boutique without blinking. ( I confess to being very irresponsible with money in those days). Marriage brought about the opportunity to actually budget and manage my finances better so that's when I started to 'sale' shop. Since coming to YLF, I believe I have refined and better defined my style and as such have a greater desire for the 'right' pieces. Hence I am happy buying less but buying quality items that fit my style persona. I am now ok with 'delayed gratification', ie, saving for an item, or 'lay buying' an item and paying it off. I no longer have to have everything 'now'. My recent Metalicus dress purchase is a case in point. I decided it was "THE" dress, saved for it and happily paid full price plus shipping. It is one of my more expensive purchases of recent times (except for footwear) and it is worth every cent. I have another item from this label on my wishlist and I am saving and will order it soon. My experience with the dress makes me very confident that this next purchase will be another excellent investment in my wardrobe. It doesn't mean tho that I am able to spend any amount of money on my clothes 'tho. Budget still plays a role. I also have on my watch list a knit asymmetric dress, but at $200.00 it is more than I want to spend. In this instance, I will stalk and see if it is reduced in their next sale.

My latest first big ticket purchase was bought for me by DH. It was an expensive pair of shoes and he told me, "I know you - you'll have them forever, so if you think about it, the cost per wear will be quite low." My latest big ticket purchase was my BCBG Max Azria white blazer. Now, back in the day, before marriage, house, etc., I used to buy expensive, well made, quality clothes (and yes, I still have some of my favorites). Then I got caught up in the "fast fashion" stuff, and I found myself with a closet full of ill-fitting junk. YLF has taught me to be fussy about fit and fabrication - if it doesn't work, "NEXT!"

I love reading the stories here. I wish the owners of the dog had reimbursed you LaCeleste. I am a dog lover/owner and I absolutely would have done that. However, they may not have realized the value of your coat.

I don't remember the first big purchase I made. I have tried to buy quality over quantity for a long time. My clothes last a long time and I am very fussy about what I buy. I do buy some things from Jacobs because I like their style. Very simple and classic. Their prices are good and they last a long time. Usually I go for higher end pieces.

I bought my Burberry trench coat about 8 years ago. I still love wearing it and get compliments when I do. DH inherited his Aquascutum trench coat from his grandfather. Quality does last.

I wanted to add that those Frye boots were bought with full disclosure to BF as to the amount, shortly after I had first instituted a clothing budget. I realized that was half of why I was nickel and diming everything together. To keep the BF from wondering why I was spending so much money. Well, come to find out, the issue for him has always been the amount of clothing (too much in his eyes) not the cost of the items per se.
And this leads me to the budget. It was not until I decided on a yearly budget that I could allow myself these bigger ticket items. Not sure why, but there it is.
One final note, I don't view shopping on sale as bad or a mistake in the making. I keep reading this. Some of my most beloved items were on sale. Deep sale. Not the least of which are every single leather jacket I have, from the Spiegel for $30 to the MuuBaa at half price, to the shearling AllSaints for $185. I don't get why sale shopping is summarily dismissed as a bad idea. Oh yeah, my TR jeans were all half price or cheaper, too. They are not mistakes. Just to give the other viewpoint regarding discount shopping.

When I was in high school I saved my money (earned at $1.50 per hour) and made my first purchase: leather hiking boots. They were Italian and very good quality and cost $27.00. I had them for many years. In another year or so I went on a trip to Europe with my parents. In Italy, among other things, I bought two pairs of leather gloves which I still have.

I just want to echo what Mo says. I think it's pretty clear that different things work for different people. What is important is knowing yourself, your habits, bad or good, and what gives you true happiness. If buying something full price gives you true happiness and contributes to your self-esteem and positive self image, go for it! More power to you, it's great when you find a system that feels right. If it also acts as limitation to buying too many things, that's great too, sometimes that can be an even more valuable effect.

Unlike krishnidoux, for myself I really don't see it as having to do with feminism. My husband does shop sales for what he wants, and discusses bigger purchases with me when we're unable to find a discounted price for a critical piece of gear he needs. We set the budgets together, but I'm responsible for most of the daily purchases, and I do all of our taxes and retirement planning and investing. I shopped for and negotiated our mortgage and insurance. Because I shop sales 90% of the time (and for everything, I coupon for food and household items as well), we are able to allocate much more of our income to those things which are most important to us and bring us the greatest happiness. It's also what enabled me to move into a dream career from a more financially lucrative one where I wasn't happy.

If someone buys a boot or leather jacket or blazer at 75% off, it doesn't change the fact that it's quality can still be loosely associated with it's retail price (and more importantly, the materials and tailoring). It also doesn't automatically mean that that person isn't carefully considering that purchase and it's utility.

I agonized about buying my first purse this winter, a Fossil bag. It's retail price was 218$. I paid 59$ new for it and it still stretched my comfort zone for a purchase which I thought might be frivolous (I could get a nice looking faux leather bag on sale for much less). The whole reason I was shopping for a purse for the first time since high school? To carry around my coupon filofax more conveniently at the grocery store :D.

I really am serious that I think buying full price really does work well for many people. But not, at this point in my life, for me.

Rabbit, I have to laugh because right along with you, I bought my first 'real' purse, also a Fossil, several years back. I also bought it new for $70 instead of the $150 or so I think it retailed at. And, yep, I debated over it carefully!
Guess what purse I carry pretty much every day for the last 3 years (except for travel and a few date nights).
And to be fair, I hope that other posters are simply commenting on their own trials with sale shopping, and not giving a blanket statement that it's bad in general. But sometimes the comments sure sound like it!

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Mo, you are correct: not every sale item is wrong. But I think it's easy to be sucked in a mentality where one buys an item on sale out of desperation,even if the item doesn't fit the bill. The danger of shopping solely on sale comes when you shop for necessities and basics to fill a wardrobe hole: the choice is so ridiculously reduced one is bound to fail and end up settling for something so-so, but it was on sale.

I think if you raise your price expectation you avoid falling pray to too much sale items. By looking at it realistically and budgeting, as you cleverly point out, you redirected your money into the needed item instead of wasting it around into many "on sale" ill-fitting substitutes.

but see, Krish, it isn't a reduced field to choose from if you have the patience. I don't mind hunting and stalking. It was a full year later that the blush MuuBaa jacket came on sale. I'd dismissed it entirely at full price.
Same with the TR Cameron jeans.
I think this has everything to do with your mindset towards sales. If a penny loafer is $2 I'm not buying it, because I hate penny loafers at $2 or $200. I think your own focus comes into play. And as I said, I think many times comments are from one's own point of view but then blanketed as a statement for all shoppers.

I see both sides of the issue. Example, I love EF....but will wait, stalk, etc. until I get the best price I can,...

But, if I see an EF item and just KNOW that it is perfect, I don't mind spending full price right off the bat. I know that it will become a workhorse and don't want to lose out on my size.

I just have to be careful not to just buy any EF piece that's on sale....it has to work with my style descriptors and my wardrobe holes. Or, then I am just purchasing something because it's on sale, even if it's from a favorite brand.

Does that make sense? I hope everyone was speaking for themselves and not making blanket statements. That's the way I was reading it anyways! I enjoyed reading both sides of the issue. I learn more that way!

NDMom, very well put! Do you find that since your big ticket purchase you are more likely to pay full price? Or is your shopping strategy much the same, but with higher limits and less sticker shock? I think the latter is what's happened to me.

Mo....Yes! Just like you, I operate from trying to get the best price, if possible, and my threshold is higher. I probably spend the same amount of money (budgeted for clothes), but now it just goes for fewer pieces. I love when I get a higher quality piece on sale, because then I have more to save for another piece.

I just ordered the flat Vince d"Orsay Dina shoes from Nordstrom. Although they were ordered and thus cleared out of my shopping bag, I kept them on my wish list. While the order was still processing, I clicked on my wish list and noticed that they went on sale since the day before when I ordered them. A quick email gave me a price adjustment and a 25% savings!

Love to save money too!

The price I'm willing to pay for shoes and handbags has steadily risen over the years, with the catalyst being my move from DC to San Francisco in 2007. The next year, I bought my first high end bag--a butter soft, grey Miu Miu that I stumbled on in Saks and by chance it was on sale. I wore that bag every day for years. I only trot it out occasionally now but I still love it (and will probably never part with it). The next year, I bought my first pair of "splurge" shoes--basic, black Christian Louboutin pumps. The sticker price shocked me a bit at the time (they were a good $300 more than any shoes I had bought previously) buy my god if i haven't worn the HECK out of those shoes. They are beautifully crafted, incredibly comfortable (despite a 3+ inch heel) and will never be out of style, in my opinion. They are still my go tos when I need a beautiful black heel. And they absolutely recalibrated my shoe budget as it were and indeed proved to be a gateway drug for expensive shoes. When I got married in 2012, I allowed myself a large clothing budget and found that I didn't even blink at the cost of the silver Manolo Blahniks I purchased to wear with my wedding dress...or the black YSL Tribute sandals I wore to our post-wedding brunch. Kind of scary, really.

I am not saying buying on sale is wrong! But I am saying there is a danger in always doing so, to the detriment of your own needs. Because if you rely on only sales to buy even your basics, you won't find them when you need them, and will settle on something else (on sale) that doesn't do the trick.

Maybe it's because I live in a relatively small town in Canada, where choices are sparse to begin with, where most online shopping is out of reach, especially sales. Maybe because my size is hard to come across being the first one to be sold out in stores

After a long period of buying mostly on sale, I found myself yet again with a closet full of phantom basics that don't do their job other than occupy closet space, physically as well as mentally. Let me explain. Exhibit A. Needed a navy cardigan, shopped the sales high and low in my town to no avail. Then found one passable navy cardigan, but: it was... longer than I had wanted; had beads at the shoulders; was much thinner in fabrication than what I had in mind, therefore a little flimsy. But IT WAS THE ONLY ONE. And it was on sale. And they had my size. So I buy it, tired and desperate. Now, I almost never wear it because frankly, it's not what I was looking for in the first place. But every time I have a bit of money ahead of me to shop, I don't go for a navy cardigan - which really, I still need - under the logic that I "already got one".

My example may look silly, but when I was buying it, I didn't realize the harm I was causing.

So buying on sale is fine. Buying exclusively on sale, in my town in Canada, is utopia.

Ah, fair enough Krish. And I hear you on settling for the place holder that doesn't quite work but yet makes you think the hole is filled so you don't buy a better one. I don't do that anymore either, at any price point.
I can see our main difference. I have no shopping locally either. I do it all online, almost exclusively. Horses for courses as Angie would say.

EDIT: and so do you shop differently because of that big ticket purchase now? Are sales off limits for you because they've rendered mistakes too many times?

krishnadoux - I hear what you are saying completely. Geography and time play a major factor. I have to give mad props to Mo for sale stalking with limited access to B&M stores and bicycle transport. The web can make it easier, but you still have to try the clothes on at some point and often play a long game like she says. Plus country-specific limitations on shipping :(.


I count myself very lucky at having access to an abundance of riches in terms of discount/resale B&M selection. Within a 25 minute drive are 4 Rosses, 2 T J Maxxes, 2 Marshalls, a Nordstrom Rack, Targets, Macys, and more thrift and consignment shops than I could ever look through - so usually the field is honestly too big and I get overwhelmed and make mistakes sometimes - I return quite a bit of stuff. A year later for store credit? I've still got the tags saved.... I'm also fortunate in that I have some time flexibility right now to look under multiple retail stones. It leads to a different perspective and a different shopping experience.

In your location, you have some hard won wisdom and sounds like you have found what works best.

I meant to add my two cents on the sale question--I certainly am as happy as the next girl to find something I love on sale, but I have essentially had to ban myself from even stepping foot in discount retailers such as Ross, Nordstrom Rack, TJ Maxx etc. I always, always find things I like that I buy largely because of the discounted price. These items languish in my closet and, added up, the costs are not inconsequential. But the bargain setting is just too tempting for me. Avoidance works best for me in many cases. That said, since our recent recession, online and in store coupons/promotions abound in a way they never did before so I refuse to pay full price at places like BR, Gap, Ann Taylor, etc, though I try not to hit those stores unless I need a specific item and want to stock up. One last note: Pinterest has been a great money saver for me, improbably. I often did a lot of impulsive online shopping because I would find a great price on a brand I like (particularly DVF and Tory Burch) and didn't want to miss out. Did I need it? Who cares, it's 60% off and free shipping and I can return it etc...you get the idea. Now, if I like something, I pin it on to a Pinterest board and let it sit a few days. If I forget about it, well, clearly it wasn't true love. If I revisit and revisit, then I'll probably allow myself the purchase. But at least I no longer buy just because it crossed my (virtual) path. I do something similar with stores that offer online wishlists (especially Nordstrom)--a great way to bookmark things you love and monitor pricing.

This is all really interesting! Actually I really admire people who can shop sales, thrift stores, etc. I don't have the gift of sorting through things to find the diamonds. I do like to shop with discounts...like if there is something at Ann Taylor for instance (rare these days) I won't buy until they are offering a code. But I feel like that is cheating sales really...so many retailers offer codes every other week now so it feels like the discount is the real price, they just inflate the original price first.

I don't hold myself to sales shopping because I am impossible to please. If I also had to wait for sales I would probably own two outfits. I have decided that if it is love...and not from one of those constant discount retailers...I will go ahead and pay full price.

My first big purchase in recent times was my Joie sweater this winter. I forget how much but it was close to $170. I pretty much shocked myself with that! But it definitely did prime the pump. Since then I have bought two EF tunics and two beautiful but pricey T shirts. My reasoning once again is that I am beyond difficult to please, so it's not like I'm going to go buy 20 expensive things. I need to go ahead and buy the things I want because I know I'm not a go overboard kind of person. And as much as I hate shopping I really can't do the big sales hunt thing. So it's not a philosophy or a comment on anyone else's shopping habits, just a comment on my own failings!

I'm late to this conversation but just wanted to say that the thread has been a fascinating read and I have enjoyed it! Thank you for starting it, NDMom.

I've had a couple of "gateway" purchases at different times of my life, but my responses were so different to them due to differing circumstances that I'm not sure I can draw any general lessons from them.

My recent REISS jacket is certainly one of those! Vivian expressed it well.

For most of my life I was a semi-employed itinerant teacher/ artist and my income simply didn't allow me to buy many clothes. I really didn't have a wardrobe in those days. So even if I did splurge on what was, to me, an expensive item, it didn't affect my longer term shopping strategy.

Now my situation is a bit different. I do think I'm at a stage and place in my life where I experience less sticker shock and am more willing to pay full price for a quality item when I find it. Which does not mean I won't shop discounts or sales. I still like to save where I can.

Having a clearer sense of my own core style has helped enormously. I know where to put the money. In the winter boots, so needed in my climate; in the fantastic classic jacket that will serve me for years; in the premium denim, because I wear denim most days of the year.

Meanwhile, I can save on other kinds of items -- either less needed practically, or less essential to my style.

Totally sympathize with Krish on the problems and perils of sales shopping in a small Canadian city. And also agree with Mo that mindful and conscious sales-shopping can be an excellent strategy. It just depends where you are in the creation of your wardrobe and what your options for filling those gaps are. Ultimately, it's the mindfulness and purposefulness that makes the difference. Are you buying it because it's "a good deal" or are you buying it because it's exactly what you wanted (and bonus, it's a good deal, too!). Always a question I need to ask myself.

How did you all get so wise? Still loving this discussion! Thank you for sharing!

Mo, to answer your questions:

Just like Suz, I have also been an itinerant half-employed teacher / artist for all my life. Except that recently, just like her, I have experienced more steady work, which means I have more money now than 5 years ago to spend on my wardrobe.

I notice that when I am "rich", so to say, I tend to buy more items at a time. For example, tops with skirts or pants, tee with cardi or skirt and matching jacket instead of each piece separately. I am surprised that I rarely buy mistakes when I do this. I still do, but to such a lesser degree I almost don't mind. And, boy, life is sooooo much easier for many months if not at least a year.

I naturally refrain from buying cheaper stuff too, when my wardrobe is well filled. I can wait longer for closet holes, because I have viable alternatives in the meantime.

Something a bit "organic" tends to happen: I'll buy that exact new item I need for whatever exact purpose I need it, it will work and I will "forget" that item. It will quietly, yet firmly enter the daily flow of my everyday life like a fish in its river, a hand in its glove. More importantly, I will not worry about it. I will not worry that it doesn't fit, doesn't match, and, interestingly, will not worry that I wear it often enough or not. Has anyone else experiences that?

On the other hand, when I am "poor", I refrain from buying what I actually need because the price tag seems prohibitive, doubled with the ongoing guilt of spending on myself. Therefore I shop sales only, waste small amounts here and there on hits&misses. I'll still have a filled wardrobe. Except it's not really filled at all. Such a wardrobe is like a deceitful labyrinth of lesser evil choices, becoming narrower and narrower as I advance, prompting to finally only maybe one or two possibilities of an outfit, if any. All the other items lie "heavy" on my conscience as well as on my shelves.

This said, sales are certainly NOT off limit to me now! I always love a good sale. I own many workhorses bought on sale. It's just that I have come to realize that I shouldn't rely on these sales for everything. In order to enjoy a sale, you first have to have a solid base.

Great thoughts, Krishnidoux! So well-written!