Well, I'll wish you a belated Happy Birthday, but also offer up a virtual hug and shoulder to commiserate on. Yes, there is no doubt about it, you are having a lousy time right now. Birthdays are a funny thing - starting with my 50th and with every one since then, they've been underwhelming and disappointing - but this year I decided to stop setting myself up for that. And you know what? It worked . I celebrated more spiritually and internally, and took myself out to the park for a cup of coffee and did some thinking.

I am really sorry to hear about your mom's health decline and what you'll have to deal with in terms of palliative care. I just went through this myself , and I can tell you is palliative care people are wonderful. I hope your mother is at peace, because that's all that really matters.

Hang in there - these phases of life usually turn themselves around if we work at them.

Oh, big hugs, that's hard, all of it. I'm really sorry.

Please don't limit yourself to today: make it your birthday week or month and up the self-care: book a massage, buy yourself something you'd like, go out for a lovely meal or dessert with friends, family or on your own. Just keep reminding yourself through self-kindness that you are a wonderful person.

Big birthday hugs to you and wishing happier times to come again soon.

I can remember some of "those" birthdays. Life can really throw some challenges our way, right? So, please take it easy on yourself and others and know that we all face similar birthdays from time to time.Like others, if I didn't plan for my own birthday it would simply pass as one more day of one more year of my life.

Dealing with your mom's illness must be a very difficult process - but try to see the best in what you can do for her -- and preparing for her departure is one of those steps. Think about what she might have wanted as her last wishes and try to do something to honor that.

Be gentle on yourself and try to plan something a bit into the future for you and your family maybe - even a year or more out, something to look forward to perhaps?

I just saw this. I hope you know that you are important. Birthdays can be difficult as we grow older. Please do something to celebrate the fabulous you. Lots of hugs!

I'm sorry I'm late on this. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry it was so hard. I always enjoy reading the things that you have to say on the forum - you are so intelligent, insightful and wise. It also goes without saying that you have fabulous style! I'm glad the day was salvaged somewhat, but I do hope you can plan and make some special things happen. I find that sometimes I get more enjoyment out of the purposeful things that I plan for myself because it ends up being exactly what I need and want. Even if it isn't exactly a birthday celebration in the normal sense, it can be a wonderful, peaceful time of doing something that makes me happy. I hope that you find ways to make the passing year in a memorable way - even after the day. (And by the way, we are almost exactly the same age. My 43 is coming...)

Belated birthday wishes, Elisabeth!
I'm so sorry to hear that you were feeling down on your special day. All that's going on with your mom has to have been a big factor; having your mom not even know you anymore has to be terribly painful.
There's nothing that can be done about that, but can I offer you a suggestion for the rest of your family?
I'm a believer in letting people know what your hopes and expectations are. For example, say to your kids, "Tomorrow is my birthday, and I would love to be pampered! I would like for you to draw me a special birthday picture, to come and give me big birthday hugs in the morning, and then to be especially nice to me all day long." I'm sure your kids (and husband) want to please you, and they will be glad to know what they can do to make you happy. Of course it's nice if it happens spontaneously, but sometimes kids (and husbands) need a little reminder. Please don't hesitate to ask for what you want!
As a bonus, your kids' future spouses should thank you for training them to behave in a thoughtful manner!

I hope that you also won't be afraid to pamper yourself, because you need it and deserve it.

I'm so sorry that you're going through a difficult time.

I just saw this post. Happy belated birthday!
Some moments in our life are very lonely , but that is not your fault, just the accumulation of several external factors.
I am glad your family came trough and gave you the love and support you deserve.

I just saw this post. A belated Happy Birthday!

I'm sorry to hear your birthday was less than special. That sucks.

Some birthdays are harder than others. I now take matters into my own hands so my birthday is EXACTLY how I want it to be. I removed my birthday from Facebook years ago because I don't want random acquaintances to call/message and wish me, and important people to remember through FB. I had these feelings on my 30th Birthday. I had suffered a big personal loss and was hoping for a 'cheer-me-up' gesture from someone else, no one remembered my birthday, my husband was equally distraught and while he tried, the birthday wasn't such a success, and it was just another terrible day.

I learnt my lesson. Even when things are going crazy in my life (which was also the case last year), I take that day to celebrate just MYSELF. I do whatever brings me peace and happiness and I forget about people and who,how,why remembered my birthday. To tell you the truth, once my parents and sister talk to me on the phone and wish me, I switch off the phone and then I forget the world.

I am glad your family came through and gave you the love and support you deserve. In the end, that is all that matters.

This was so sad! So poignant!

It's not unusual for people to go through phases that make them feel a little less relevant in their own lives. I've found that it's cyclical and most often it's not that you're not important, it's just that something or someone else is more important right now. It's too bad if your birthday coincides with one of those times but it's still your birthday, good job!

When I have a down time like that I let myself be sad for a little while and then I use the time to focus on something that's all about myself, like how to use the different settings on my camera, or new places to go with the dog, etc.

At least I'm the most interesting to myself!

I'm sorry you had a difficult birthday, Elisabeth. I remember the first birthday when the dementia had taken so much of my mother she didn't remember my birthday. And shortly after, she didn't remember me at all. That time still haunts me so I understand just how difficult it is for you. It's OK to feel sad!
Birthdays are also tough for me because I'm adopted. And non-adopted people don't generally get that so they don't understand why the whole lead up to my b-day messes me up.

I think the forum has had so many wise and warm words for you that I hesitate to add ... but I will only say that I have been there, have had those exact feelings (including my mother no longer knowing me as her daughter), and I know how heavy they are. I hope you were able to enjoy some special time this week. It's not too late to celebrate your birthday, you know. Not even now.

Hugs and a belated happy birthday! I am glad that you were able to spend a good dinner with your family. They made you feel loved and appreciated which is what counts, birthday or not.

I've been away so I missed this, and your birthday. But extra special belated birthday wishes to you. I'm so sorry it's a rough time emotionally with your mom. Hug your wee ones. I know my guys are pretty ignorant most of the time, but I've made it a habit to prep them in advance about birthdays and yeah, I do get pouty when they forget. Let me vent a little about the whole Facebook thing, and I'm just as guilty. It's taken away from the personal call or card, and it sucks. Birthdays matter. full stop. Birthdays always merit a call or a card. Full stop. That's my new mantra. I know how much better i feel when someone remembers mine. The world would be a better place if people just picked up the phone more often and made that call. Totally agree. And Happy Belated Birthday. You matter.

Thanks again, everyone. I really appreciate all the kind words. I'm feeling much better about life in general this week.

It broke my heart to read this and i'm so sorry i'm late, but Belated Happy Birthday
I can only imagine how difficult it must be to see a loved one in pain... but you've got to be strong, for your mother, for your children, for your hubby and most importantly for YOURSELF.
Sending you the biggest and warmest virtual hug (I'd give to you in person if I could in a heartbeat) and hope that the days to come will be more cheerful