Mary, thank you for reminding me of the BOOKS! Haha, I have a little bookcase in my office that holds a full shelf of some of my childhood books (that copy of The Bear Party will never leave my house!), and a full shelf of things from my mom's house that held funny memories or that I knew were her favorites. Plus her well-marked up Psychology textbook (she was so happy when she started going to night college classes!) and one of my dad's books from high school with his name in the front. I could probably thin this out, even though I have plenty of room in my office for books (I thinned out my office library recently and gave away a lot of graphic design books).
rabbit, it's so true. If too many things are kept, it actually dilutes the memories. I think there is a healthy balance, and I'm still finding it. My husband and I talked about it this morning, and it's funny because he's always been so quick to throw out things, but he encouraged me to keep the things that held meaning for me, even if it means that someday someone will have to go through a box or two (not 20!). There are little treasures and surprises when you find the mementos of someone you love -- little clues to the person they were. There was joy in finding some of these gems amongst my mom's stuffed house. I think there's a way to leave some of these things behind for your loved ones without overwhelming them.
kkards, I'm like you -- slow in processing this stuff. And that's OK. Great point about digitizing things. I will especially keep that in mind for some of the contents of the box of paper mementos!
Celeste, that story is amusing in the darkest way but HORRIFYING! I guarantee that someday you and your daughter will laugh about it, but boy, what a hard lesson.
Mo, I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack too, so hugs. That boat sounds like such a loaded reminder. I have mostly come to only keep things that remind me of good times.
Ornella, thank you for the book recommendation. It's on my Amazon list now. You're so right about the impermanence of all of this. What you said about one person's treasured belongings becoming so much trash in a dumpster -- so true. Just watch any episode of Hoarders. This is why my sister and I wanted to clean mom's house out so thoroughly before we sold it. It seemed necessary to treat her "collections" with at least some measure of respect. Even if it meant taking that whole big box of empty glass Wheat Germ jars to be recycled.
Carter, so true that the memories are there, even if the stuff isn't. I have letters that mom kept from my dad (and from her boyfriend before my dad!) that were written while serving in the Navy during WWII. No way am I tossing those -- there is history there as well as sentimentality. I've only made it through about a third of them, on a cold winter Sunday with a glass of wine and plenty of time and solitude to read and cry and imagine my mom and dad as such young people. When I'm done with them, and my sister has some time with them too, I bet my nieces will appreciate them as well.
Mary, what a great Little Kiddles story! And what a brilliant idea to keep something special like that as a Christmas ornament. I am totally stealing that idea!
Ginkgo, hugs to you, and good luck as you tackle your collections too! Let me know how it goes. We can support each other in our quest!
Gaylene, I don't know if I've said it before, but I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. My sister and I had a similar weight falling on us, since dad passed so long ago, and there were generations of belongings to go through, filling up my childhood home. There is so much wisdom in your post, and yes, you are expressing the very same things I've been thinking about. What am *I* leaving behind that someday my stepsons and my nieces will have to go through? When I view things through that lens, perhaps it will make it easier to be more selective. Not that I plan on going anywhere anytime soon! I love the idea of the nice storage boxes -- in fact, I have a couple of woven boxes (that were mom's) in my office (pictured below) that hold a mish-mash of mementos, but mostly the ones that are more meaningful to me. At some point I will thin out that collection a bit.
Caro, absolutely -- "stuff in boxes." I don't want that. It does take some time for many of us, doesn't it? Grieving doesn't have a timetable or a defined ending. Twenty-three years since his passing, and I had a grieving moment for dad yesterday remembering him taking me to baseball games. When he died, I kept a few of his shirts and wore them sometimes, and then years later, I decided to get rid of them. Well, lo and behold, yesterday I found one worn out old faded blue dress shirt. I washed it and hung it in my closet. Don't be surprised if it shows up in a WIW.
LBD, I found Flylady helpful some years ago when I was getting our last home sorted out after my husband (then my boyfriend) moved in with me and I had to make room for him and adjust to sharing my roof with another adult! I will have to revisit her, thanks!
Carla, I bet that boarding school experience really did give you a valuable lesson in simple living. I never had that. My mom was the kind of person who would pack an entire small bag JUST with toiletries and vitamins and medicine for a weekend trip! She would be prepared for anything at any time. But I relate to you "just saying no" to all those hand-me-downs. I declined to take much furniture at all from my mom's house because it didn't fit with the decor in my home and it just seemed like too much trouble to figure out how to use it. I do have some small pieces, and even some of those either need to go or be repurposed/refinished/reupholstered (I'm looking at you, ancient piano bench!).
I know this has been really lengthy, but this has been really helpful to me to "talk" with you all about this. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. You all are the BEST!
In a weird case of timing, my stepson came in yesterday while I was in the thick of this project, upset because his car had been broken into. The thief got for his trouble:
- about $2 in change,
- a beat-up canvas satchel that my stepson found on the sidewalk last year, which contained:
- a pile of books, mostly used and free paperbacks, and nearly worthless, and
- the handmade quilt that his mother made for him for his 20th birthday.
The value of the *stuff* is nearly nothing, but N is so angry about that quilt. God help anyone he sees on the street of the city with that quilt, because he WILL reclaim it. He said he'd be happy to go buy someone a warm blanket but give him that quilt. Just goes to show you how most stuff is meaningless, but there are special things that are irreplaceable.
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