Over 40 thoughts - rant or thoughts? - YouLookFab Forum

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Over 40 thoughts - rant or thoughts?

jayne

Veteran

I watched a blog video from Imogen about dressing over 40. She talked a bit about wondering why people over 40 'suddenly want' to dress too young, or too old. My reaction is not that I 'want' to dress either way, but that we need more places like YLF online and in mags to inspire us to our own age group.

When shopping the stores (online is just not a possibility for Norway if you don't want to triple the cost) there are in two categories,

1. casual wear (fun and colorful) which seems ONLY for the 30's and under generations
2. work wear - for all ages depending on the store you visit of course

Being a person working in casual casual atmosphere, the work wear stores are actually too dressy. I am sure most SAHM and MOTG feel the same.

Magazine seem predominantly to show 20 somethings playing dress up in the past 10 decades. But playing dress up in a 50's outfit would make me look frumpy. As I heard quoted 'old clothes on old ladies is frumpy'. So for me to avoid frumpy means I have to try and pick from the casual wear stores that are not for my age group, and certainly not my body type or size.

I spend my time on YLF and Imogen looking for inspirations to help me take the clothes available in stores and put them together for my body and taste. I certainly feel a bit 'annoyed' that someone would assume that I want to dress like lamb.

Perhaps a stylist is the only option when transitioning out of the 30's - but I must admit to feeling a bit worried that I will end up in clothes that are the stylist taste and not my own. YLF has helped alot, especially posting pictures and getting suggestions for do/don't. But it takes so very much time. Guess my rant is that there is not a store called 'jayne's' where they have just what I need, in just my size, and in just my taste, and at just my price.

thanks for reading...

Dressing

58 replies

Latest reply was from MsMary

Jjsloane

Veteran

I completely relate and think you have voiced concerns of many of us. I'm still figureing it out and I'm halfway to 50 now. I agree that this site is one of the ones that is most helpful in allowing me translate trends and styles to my lifestyle, body and age. I'm sure I've overstepped in certain areas at times, but feel I have a better eye for what might not be a good idea.

You should start an inspiration file/post/blog whatever to make it the "Jayne Store". I've been thinking of getting on pinterest (if someone can invite me...) for just this purpose.

jayne

Veteran

I can invite you to pinterest...haven't pinned anything yet but got in recently. seems to be down right now.

Sylvia

(website)

I can certainly relate and that is why I started my own website 40PlusStyle which is dedicated especially to finding your style over 40. All my articles and clothes I pick as inspiration are geared towards that group and I've recently setup a special forum as well.

Although I don't think we should change too much about our style after 40, I do think that it's important to realise that some things should be left to the 20+ ers. For example I don't wear my skirts and dresses so short anymore, but I still wear short dresses and tunics that I like and wear them over other dresses or pants. There are a lot of creative things you can do to still buy the trendy items available in the stop but wear them in an age-appropriate way.

There is still so much fun to be had while dressing even when older and although I think that there is still enough in the shops for us, I'm also hoping to draw more attention to all 40, 50, 60+ers etc, so that designers do more for us as well. Both in terms of shoes, clothes and featuring us in magazines and ads!

Sylvia

(website)

Forgot to mention that I'm also on Pinterest where I keep a constant track of any clothes I feel are great for 40+ers and beyond: https://pinterest.com/40plusstyle/ Happy to send people invites!

Traci

Veteran

I've been going around with this lately too. I'm 37 and the mother of a 14 year old. All of a sudden in the last year I've been getting comments that I don't look old enough to be her mom. At first I took it as a compliment. After a while (and after being stopped by a dressing room attendant who didn't want to let me go in with her b/c she thought I was a friend, not a mom!) I started wondering if it's not a youthful glow, but rather that I'm dressing too young.

The middle ground is certainly hard to find.

Vildy

Veteran

I've seen some great looks online of women with one sports item added in. Either the item is upscale or the juxtaposition makes it seem upscale. I know we're leaving winter but wouldn't Norway have wonderful sweaters? I think there's some British? tv series where the woman killer? wears Norwegian sweaters and suddenly they were the "it" thing. How about a look that combines, say, pinstripe work wear pants with a Norwegian sweater? How about mens (or boys if you're small) preppy casual basics like a navy vee neck sweater? A plain pencil skirt from the work wear stores seems very versatile.
I think you have thrift/charity shops there. How about a fancy lace or silk blouse with it?

ETA: the way the Norwegian sweaters are shown is a little loose and not the snug fitting hearty keep you toasty warm way.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I'm about to turn 44, and I do struggle with finding the right look too. I work but many of the work outfits are inappropriate for my office; too glitzy (Ann Taylor), the blouses are too gauzy lately, or just too much black. And don't even get me started on the perils of being plus size on top of that!

For fashion magazines, I much prefer Real Simple and More over the too-youthful looks of Lucky, etc. To me they are more realistic and wearable.

I follow a lot of blogs, but few are for 40+; I've had my blog Low Fat Dressing for almost 3 years now, and the number-one comment I get is people thanking me for continuing to post because I look and dress like they do (or that they want to). I'm not a thrifter, I'm not into edgy or funky styles, I shop at regular stores you find in every city. I follow fashion trends on YLF or other sources, and I incorporate the ones that fit my life without making me feel silly. But it's taken me the last 3 years of blogging to accept that about my style, and to accept that as just as valid a style as being edgy, chic, earthy, sporty, or any of the other styles many want to achieve.

jumpingfrog

I'm turning 50 this year, and I am also trying to figure out what to wear that's appropriate and looks good. I agree most of the stores seem to have styles that are great for the young people, but don't really work on me. I'm so glad to have found this blog, it has inspired me to keep trying the new styles instead of sliding into safe and frumpy territory. Not that I can call myself stylish by a long shot, but it's making me think more about what I wear.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I turn 42 in July and believe in age appropriate dressing.

That being said, I am ALWAYS encouraging ladies and men to try new styles and trends because just about all looks can be tweaked to look perfect at your age. Effective execution is everything.

I am a fashion stylist. My clients span all ages, body types and style personas. A good fashion stylist should be able to help you find YOUR style and not dress you in the same way that he or she dresses (unless that's what you want). I hope that makes sense.

Furthermore, the over 50 year olds on this forum are killer inspiring. My over 60 and 70 plus clients are amazingly stylish and still sport trends with the best of them! They are incredible and on the fashion ball. They continue to have fun with fashion and that's key.

I have always had fun with fashion - after all, it's my bread and butter. But I seem to have MORE fun with fashion with each passing year. It's a question of developing a filter - and we can help you with that filter here on YLF, Jayne.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Jayne, I feel your pain, and I will get back to this thread later when I have more time. For now a quick answer: I am turning forty this year, and for the first time I find I'm thinking about this topic. And I don't want to. In fact it sort of annoys me that I have to, and that 40 seems like a sort of armageddon for women when it comes to fashion and style, at least in the media and on models selling clothing.

I see many, many over-forty women walking around the streets (and in pictures on this blog!) looking all kinds of fabulous, though, so I'm not without hope. But I do feel like I am choosing clothing more carefully these days.

We'll see how I feel about this in a decade.

JulieinMI

This is the best blog and forum ever. I am in the over 50 crowd, and I can find the answer to just about any fashion question here. I went to a baby shower yesterday and wore my long grey pearls knotted the way Angie taught in her video. Had an orphan pencil skirt and read Angie's blog post on what to wear with skirts. I ended up tucking a cardigan into it and then belting over it. Received a bunch of compliments, especially on the pearls. I would be lost and looking totally frumpy without Angie and everyone else here. Thank you!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Jayne, you're right that it becomes much more difficult to figure out how to dress ourselves once we're past a certain age and especially if our life style doesn't match the dominant pattern. That is one big reason I am addicted to YLF! I don't see what I am looking for in magazines or most of the blogs out there. I really like Angie's comment about "developing a filter." I think this is what takes so much time; figuring out what OUR particular filter needs to be and then learning to shop while wearing it! I have been here a little over six months and have spent a LOT of time in deep self-analysis and closet analysis. Especially asking myself whether I am buying for the life I actually lead, and what I need for that life. It is a long process.

MsMary

Veteran

I swear I think there must be something wrong with me because "age appropriateness" is WAY down on my list of fashion concerns. And yet I can think of only two times in the past year and half or so that I have felt like I was dressed too young (both times wearing the same low-cut, puffy-sleeved red blouse). Maybe it's because I am always careful to dress for the occasion and that pretty much automatically makes my outfit age-appropriate?

Or maybe I'm just in denial! LOL

jayne

Veteran

Such great words of wisdom from you all. OK, no more ranting, back to the surprisingly hard work of figuring out my style! On my body! (no worries, still following rule 1, having fun).

And the filter idea. That is exactly it. I saw once a blog on fabover40 where they showed a list of dresses comparing similar ones and one column showed the 'young' version and the other column showed the 'age appropriate' version...and it was so helpful! I assume training my eye to see the difference would be a filter. Too bad I didn't bookmark it as I could never find it again. Wish there were more posts out there like that. For a layman, not trained in anything but math and computers, training my eye to see potential or lack of it in clothes, is surprisingly challenging!

jayne

Veteran

He he maryK, you dress great. But until 2 months ago I didn't even consider that I might reconsider wearing my cutoff levi's as short shorts or give up spaghetti straps as too girly. You are the inspiration to us rest!

MsMary

Veteran

Ah. Well, there's that. I guess I'd file that under "appropriate to the occasion."

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Jayne, I'm nearing 40 too so very interested in what over-40 style means. I think YLF is great for figuring out what works for you, it's like having Angie and a bunch of personal stylists helping you dress! The more you post WIWs, the more people get to know your style and the more tailored their advice gets. And I like the Pinterest idea for creating your own "Jayne store" and developing your style persona.

And as for the young vs. older versions of outfits, I just posted a series of pics demonstrating that difference, so maybe that would help too:
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....of-styling

Anonymous

I don't give a hoot if someone mistakes me for a teenager from the back and then goes into convulsions when I turn aroung and they see how old I really am.

I wear and will always wear what makes me happy. There are things that I don't wear now that I am older but not strictly because of my age but because I just don't think they look as good on me as when I was younger.

bj1111

Veteran

i'm glad to be my age and the dynasty look has circled back. i loved it in the 80s but in my early 20s looking in my teens, i felt i was dressing up in my mother's clothing. now, the looks feel appropriate, not too old.

age appropriate goes both ways.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What an interesting point, BJ! I think you are right about this. In my twenties I always dressed too old! Because I favoured dressier looks, and they made me look older or more conservative than I really was, at that age. Now I can wear those looks and feel more comfortable. And I can still wear my jeans, too.

Meredith1953

Veteran

HI Jayne,
This community is a wonderful resource for me. I actually consider it BETTER than looking at a magazine or most fashion websites. The fact that all the lovely ladies here represent all ages, nationalities, shapes and sizes ensures that I am truly in company with women who are making their own uniqueness work for them. All the other members are so encouraging and full of brilliant advice and tips which has just opened up worlds of styling possibilites for me. I find myself clipping pictures of their looks constantly because they style things so well. I pretty much don't need to look at magazines and be frustrated by the dearth of inspiration for women my age (58) anymore. I have that inspiration right on this site!

Amy

(website)

Veteran

I occasionally am attracted to styles that are too young for me. It's not that I want to look younger than I am (I'm content with my age), but that I can't seem to get over my attraction to Mary Janes and puffy sleeved blouses. My secret fashion icon is Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.

Like MaryK, though, I spend more time thinking about what's appropriate for the occasion rather than what's age-appropriate and that keeps me on the straight and narrow for the most part.

When I'm unhappy at work, perhaps I should try wearing striped socks and red glittery shoes though. That would cheer me up for sure!

jayne

Veteran

love it! Dorothy!

my secret ID, trinity from matrix

Jonesy

Veteran

I think I have some off the wall ideas about age and style. First of all, I don't get what the whole deal is with 40 as some sort of cut-off. After all, in your early 20s most people don't have lots of money or a very sophisticated style, so that means that women are "allowed" 15 years, between mid-20s to 40, to just be regular stylish women considered to be in our prime, then after that, for the next 40 years or so, we are supposed to be over the hill, etc. following all of these rules to try to minimize our perceived flaws, etc.? I think the whole thing is nuts!

I am not saying Angie touts these rules (not at all!) but that seems to be the gist of it with most of the "dressing your age" lists I see. The implication is that I don't want to be my age, or am ashamed of my age, and I need all of these tips and hints for masking who I am. It seems like it's given lots of women some sort of complex about being over 40, when that's just an arbitrary turning point, IMHO.

It's weird--maybe my experience is anomalous: I enjoy shopping now more than I ever have (at 44). I find that I have a much larger selection than I did before, and whether or not something is age appropriate rarely even enters into my style decisions.

MsMary

Veteran

Amen, Jonesy!

MsMaven

Veteran

Another Amen to Jonesy's wise words. From my current viewpoint, 40 is the age to start really enjoying your fashion self. 40 is still quite young.

The last few years have been a particularly hard time to be knocking on the door of what was once "middle-age." The girly looks, the short skirts, the ruffly frills, bare midriffs and lots and lots of skin, along with the pressure to look sexy at all ages has to be a challenge to most women.

When I hit my 40s I was lucky that grown-up styles abounded. I still look back on my forties as my fashion prime. I must be talking about the Dynasty looks--a time when I could find sophisticated clothes that actually fit me.

I've given up all fashion magazines except when I am at the hairdresser. I enjoy reading some blogs and forums for "mature" women and I don't read the others. You've raised excellent questions, Jayne, and I love it that we can keep rehashing and refining our viewpoints here.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I agree, Jonesy, but I also take Jayne's point that it seems tougher to do if one is searching for more casual looks. Put a jacket on and you automatically gain a little gravitas (even if the jacket is lime green or in some zippy pattern). But jeans and a T can (on some people) look "too young" and on others (of the same age) look mysteriously "right." Why is that? Partly the fit, I expect, and then the accessories chosen, hairstyle, etc.

Jonesy, you have great style filters. You know what trends you enjoy and which ones might suit you. You've been following fashion for a while. So you can pick and choose and end up looking fabulous. But those of us who never had an interest in fashion or lost it for some reason for a number of years need to develop or repair those filters so we don't wind up looking foolish. I don't think it's just about "age appropriateness," though. There are lots of ways to end up looking silly. We could end up looking too stuffy, too uptight, too OLD, too - whatever our age! Without the right filters, I mean.

MsMary

Veteran

I actually tend to kind of hate the "mature" or "older" fashion blogs. My feeling is that fashion is fashion and we should all dress in a way that suits us and pleases us, without laying a whole 'nother layer called "age appropriate" on top of that. I think Angie hits the perfect sweet spot for me.

And also maybe it's my 70s-era feminism raising its head -- I think "be age appropriate" often can mean "don't draw too much attention to yourself by being too colorful or too sexy or too anything," and that irks me beyond belief!

tarzy

Veteran

You're in good company, Janye!

For me, "age appropriate" is a very personal thing. At 54, I know what feels "age appropriate" - for ME. No one else. Graphic tee shirts worn with Cons do not feel "age appropriate" FOR ME. I've seen woman older than me wear that and look fabulous. Two years ago I might have worn that outfit, but it no longer feels right. I can't even really articulate why. I would never tell someone else not wear it, though.

I am learning to listen to my inner voice. I think we're all here at YLF to learn to dress for ourselves, whatever our age!

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