Yeah, the 'selfish' comment really puzzles me. I mean I would understand the sentiment if it came from my parents, because they are being selfish and want grand kids.

But it's such a logical mobius strip. So traditionally a woman was supposed to devote her life to having and raising kids so her daughter could devote her life to having and raising kids so her daughter could... yadda yadda. Meanwhile who was painting and sculpting masterworks and writing books and studying astronomy and advancing medicine? Not primary caregivers so much, more often than not dudes who had someone else doing their laundry.

I have only a small inkling of the labor that goes into being a SAHM, and the mental and emotional benefits and tolls. I respect that choice. I also have a little more of an idea of how balancing a 50 hour work week and raising kids tends to go, and since I got through it relatively unscathed as the child in this scenario, I respect that choice as well. I think I learned much more from what my mother did with her life outside of parenting than anything else. It was kind of a 'be the person you want your daughter to be' thing, rather than 'be a model mom' and I'm really glad in hindsight it went down that way - even though I cooked and ate a lot of scrambled eggs for dinner.

I do know a little about how much children need from the community though, and how much of a better job the community needs to do caring for the kids it has on it's hands. I've unfortunately met some kids whose very young mothers were enamored of babies, but didn't really know what to do after they began to grow up, lacking skills, resources, and any life experience of their own.

I also have to say I've been greatly impressed with how some of these young mothers got serious and practical really fast about their future, for their child's sake as well as their own.

Deciding whether or not to have children can be such an emotional roller coaster. In the past most couples didn't decide, they just had them. So many adults on this earth were unplanned babies themselves. It's nice that people actually give it some thought now-a-days.
I grew up in a family with 6 kids. I grew up with 4 siblings and the 5th one came when I was almost 15 and my mother was 40. I help raise the that baby along with a baby nephew who also lived with us. I loved children and big families. I had a great home life other than little money. I was surrounded by nieces and nephews and babysat often. I wanted lots of children. I didn't want to be an older mom though. I completely expected my life to turn out different.
I met a man that was 12 years older than me. He didn't particularly want children. By the time we married I was 27 and already thinking I was getting too old to have babies (for me personally). I knew if I had them I wanted to do it by the time I was 30. Being around so many kids I knew the difficulties in raising kids. I saw the temper-tantrums and the school and socializing troubles. I am a highly sensitive, emotional introvert that struggled with the social world and expected it was very likely I would pass that on to any children I had.
My husband and I had a discussion on having children. By this time I decided that if we did have kids I only wanted one (unless I could guarantee twins - lol). I actually always wanted to experience pregnancy. DH said if we had kids it should be two. We decided none was best and I really can't say why that decision came about other than it just felt right.
Life has been good, I don't have regrets. At times I definitely felt my biological urge and desire for a baby. It passes. I don't think it's any different from my very close friend who loves her daughters dearly and still had at times a wondering of what life would have been had she not had them.
The worst about not having children has been the meanness from others. The "you must hate kids" "you're very selfish". I think that is changing though.

There is also a practical aspect to having a family. For some people their choice would be to have children and they can't, others remain childless by their own decision. It may sound bad to say 'for practical reasons' and of course that isn't the only one. However, I have pondered this and have read of situations where 2 only children marry and then when their parents begin to age and have health related problems, these children get stretched very thin trying to juggle the extra care that's needed. You can only pay professionals to an extent, there generally comes a time when you need someone who cares because they love you and want what's best. I know that having a child doesn't gaurentee that this will happen but it very often works that way.
I sometimes wonder what will happen as time passes and more and more people choose to have 1 or no children, it seems to me it will put a lot of stress in the next generation as the population ages.
I hope you can appreciate what I'm sharing, not as a put down but as a 'thinking out loud' on this topic.
I would also love to hear some thoughts on this. I know many people have retirement plans in place but things don't always go as planned.

Kari, I am a mum of one. DH and I for the first 9 years of our marriage said we didn't want children. We both like kids and I have never been overly 'maternal'. We faced a great deal of questioning and as to why we didn't want kids and to be honest were made to feel like we were 'wrong' in our desire. And just for the record, as a mum, I still cannot stand too much baby or kid talk!

Around 35 I guess my biological clock must have started ticking louder:) I have the mini revelation that I need to make sure I was making a clear choice about becoming parent because if I didn't the choice would be taken away ie. I would be too old to have kids. This simply led me to thoughtfully consider and pray about it.

I can't explain it exactly, but something shifted and I realised that I would like to have a child. DH was supportive but it didn't happen straight away and that was a challenge. Again, hard to explain why but we wanted one. We are a very happy and satisfied little family unit.

But you know I think when we make a decision that runs different to the majority some people find it confronting. Making a different choice in your life confronts and challenges those who have made a different decision.

We went from hearing "Why aren't you having children" to "when are you having another one"... seriously!! I have been made to feel like I am not a real mum because I only have one child. Women with multiple children would intimate that I couldn't possibly know what it was like for them.

I wish we lived in a world where we were call confident in ourselves and our choices to not judge other people's choices.

Kari, I love being a mum. My little man is amazing. He has brought things out in myself and my DH that I don't think anything else would have. I wouldn't change this for anything. BUT, I was very happy when we were childless and had we been told we couldn't have kids, I believe we would still be living a happy, fulfilled life together.

I suppose I just want to encourage you. Your choice is your choice. We are valid and valuable women in the world whether we have kids or not. Stand firm in your choice and embrace it.

Hi Kari, I think the only question you need concern yourself with is will you regret it later. And then the next question would be, how will you deal with those regrets and be at peace with them, because you can't predict whether they will arise.

I had an abstract thought I may have kids one day, but no cluckiness; I thought babies were weird and I feared birth, pregnancy, and losing my figure. Then I fell pregnant and had to make a choice.

Choosing to have my son has been the ride of my life. Pregnancy and birth and everything that has followed has been a deeply challenging, soulful and intellectually stimulating experience. I am so glad for something I couldn't have envisioned wanting.

But it is also extremely tough. Despite that, I had a second child because it was very important to me that my first had a sibling. And for the second one, all the previously absent baby craving was there, because I'd learnt it by experience. Something had kicked in that I didn't have prior to kids. I still sometimes crave babies now, but I won't have any more because I don't want to go through all the hard times again. I am glad I have kids though - not just for the experience now (and very often in spite of it) but because of the influence they may have on my life as I age. This to me is a more important consideration than how they affect me now.

I have recently started dating an amazing man, who has no children and doesn't want any. I have these conflicting emotions - I don't want children, but because of how I feel about him, I have this inner longing to give them to him. I don't intend to act on that; it is just a way I think of love now, but something I never ever related to before I had children. In truth, I am very excited about starting a new relationship without the complexities brought by bearing children and find that very freeing. We are paradoxical creatures

I have several friends who don't have children and probably won't, and I think they have come to terms with that. It's all about being at peace with it and how you make meaning in your own life.

I love and adore my childless friends; they let me have special time where I am just ME.

And as far as those Facebook babyspammers? Please, someone invent an app to block those...

I am 58 years old and knew that I never wanted children. My first husband also did not want children. His job demanded that he travel a lot and that was fine with me. We were both interested in our careers, our dog and travelling. We had very good friends. I did not feel anything was missing. Many people would make comments to me about having children and I did feel judged but now those people are no longer in my life. My job demanded giving to others and he was a very caring, sensitive person. Our reasons for not having children were not selfish. He died 14 years ago. After he died some people asked me if I regretted not having children. I was shocked. No I did not.

I have remarried and my second husband has 3 children. They are all adults. I realize that I was right in my decision to not have children. They are always in your life and it is a commitment to be taken seriously. I am thankful that I live in a time when I could make that decision.

Kari!!!!!!! How great to see you here.

I have one child. My husband (it's a second marriage for us both) did not have any biological children from his first marriage, so he and I have discussed this issue many times. He has mixed feelings about it -- on the one hand, he feels that he would not really have enjoyed the sort of hyper-involved parenting that seems to be required these days. On the other hand, there is some wistfulness about not having that parent-child connection.

Fortunately, he and my son have a great relationship and I think that has sweetened things for him considerably. He came into our lives after the more labor-intensive years of infancy, toddlerhood, and preschool were already over, so in some ways he got the best of both worlds, having a child in his life but without going through the parts that he was worried he wouldn't like very much.

If it's any consolation, I have often felt that childlessness is in some ways a choice more respected than choosing to have one child. People seem to accept no children without probing too deeply (in case there was a biological reason that's painful to talk about), whereas they had no compunctions, when my son was younger, about telling me that I was robbing him of the chance to have a sibling, or that he would end up lonely/ selfish/ spoiled, etc.

By the way, he's 17 now and is a terrific kid who is none of the above. Do I wish I'd had another? No. I do wish DH and I had gotten together when we were young enough to decide whether we'd have one rather than having it decided for us, but I wouldn't change anything about our lives now.

I have never once in my life had the desire to have children. I'm always happy for friends or family who want them and have them but I knew at a very young age that wasn't for me.

Interestingly enough, my mother tells me she knew well before I even did that I wasn't the type to have kids. She said I was always all about business. I asked her "what do you mean?" Her response," you began selling hand decorated stationary to your classmates when you were 7. By the time you were 11 you were selling ceramics and other crafts. By the time you were 13 you had a side business designing letterhead and business cards for area businesses. By the time you were 20 you were running two side businesses while in college and working full-time as a bartender. You were never interested in kids and raising a family. It was never what inspired you. You were always inspired by your business pursuits."

While I never once have regretted my decision to not have children (or even second guessed myself at all) I think for awhile in my late 20's and early 30's I struggled a bit with feeling like I wasn't normal for NOT wanting that path in life. (start a career, get married, settle down, have a family). It wasn't until I was in my mid to late 20's that I truly realized that would not ever be what made me happy.

Wonderful mom gave some pretty sage advice in that regard as well about not gauging one's happiness compared to others. I also asked her whether she thought it some kind of reflection on her raising of me that I didn't want kids (the response above was actually her response to that question). She never took it to mean I somehow didn't desire children because of something about her upbringing of me. Which was really all I wanted to be sure of. I told her that if I had ever wanted and had kids, that if I could've done even half as good a job as she did raising me, I'd have been doing just fine.

I was married for over a decade and my then husband knew when we married that I did not want children. We married young and he was okay with it. We parted ways as friends over a decade later. It turns out that we just wanted very different things out of life (oddly enough, none of which had to do with having kids).

I remember being annoyed by some strangers, though, when I was married and in my child bearing years. They were always shocked and made judgmental or otherwise advisory statements towards me when I told them I was married and had no plans for kids. Most would say things like "oh, you're young. You'll change your mind." As if knowing me for 10 minutes gave them some deep insight into me that I myself didn't have. I got really good at brushing off the statements and redirecting conversations.

I was never so glad as when I passed beyond my childbearing years and stopped having to have that awkward conversation with acquaintances and strangers (and only them because my friends and family knew I didn't want kids and never once tried to convince me that I didn't know my own mind).

Anyway, I am happy for anyone who has found the path that is right for them (children or no children). But not all paths are right for all people. I respect and admire the decisions others have made for what will bring them joy, happiness and peace in their lives. Just because my path was intentionally different has never meant it hasn't brought me just as much joy, happiness and peace. It most certainly has.

To each his own.

I agree with Deborah. Our choices, whatever they are, can really push buttons in people who make the opposite choices. I wish it weren't so.

I grew up in a family of 7 girls and did my fair share of babysitting, but in college I was sure I did not want children at all (which is not unusual for a college-age person, I think). Anyway, fast-forward, I married at 26 and had two children and am so glad I did. I love my daughters, parenting was really tough, and I wouldn't change my life.

But I am really glad we had our children when we did, when we were young. Now we are 50 and our girls are grown. And around us, we see some of our peers on their second and third marriages having babies -- not necessarily people we know, but people of similar ages pushing strollers or running after grade-school kids. And we look at each other and say, no way. We love our lives now, our freedom, our focus on each other and on work and on exploring our options and the world around us.

Having had my early feelings and being at this point now, I completely understand why some people choose not to have children. Having raised two daughters, I also understand why some people choose to have children. Do what's right for you.

I think either way is fine and that the only people having a say should be the two people involved. Everything else is just rude. When my cousin married last year both pairs of parents declared several times for all to hear that now after the wedding they would be waiting for the first grandchild - and we can't wait so please get to it soon. It made me uncomfortable and I could see looking at the bride and groom that they were too. I have no idea if they plan to have children, but I don't really need to know.

I for myself do want to have children and I wanted to have them young. But I'm single so I can't see it happening anytime soon. I'm only 24 so I feel silly worrying about it, but I can't help it sometimes.

I am a mom, but I feel compelled to respond because I've been everywhere on the spectrum: ambivalent about having children, to deciding that I couldn't envision my life in 20+ years without them, to having one, to then experiencing secondary infertility, to now being pregnant. All of this happened in a relatively short window of time: scared out of my mind to have kids at age 27, to being pregnant with my second at age 33.

Here's my bottom line advice, and you can decide whether you want to read my long-winded story. Parenting has been a huge step outside myself and my comfort zone, but it's been 100% worth it. I think all parents say that, and I'm no exception. You have to do what's right for YOU, though, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with opting out. When you're making your decision, I'd implore you to think beyond the challenges of the baby/young child years and think longer term ... that might get you to a more peaceful place, whatever decision you make.

---

Deciding to have children was a leap of faith for DH and I. We were afraid to lose our freedom and our marriage was wonderful already. Nothing was "missing," and while we'd always liked children fine, I was very worried about becoming a mom because I was never one of those women who just knew they had to have kids. I am surrounded by a number of extremely nurturing women who love, love, love kids and I felt so inferior in that way.

Gradually, though, we both realized that while we could be a very happy childless couple forever, we would have too many regrets about not having a family. Family -- extended family included -- is a very integral part of our lives and it was hard to imagine not extending those bonds.

Throughout my first pregnancy I was as nervous as I was excited. More than once, I questioned what we'd done. But, I took to motherhood more easily than I expected and once my little boy was here, I simply could not imagine life without him. I didn't feel incomplete before, but it was just a new kind of wholeness, if that makes sense. I still am not one of those women who goes bonkers over kids, but I'm over-the-moon for my own and would do just about anything to give him a good life. DH and I work damn hard at being good parents. (Brutal honesty: We are not perfect by any means, but I think we work 'harder' at parenting and tend to be more thoughtful about our choices than many of the babies, babies, babies people. Some people forget that taking care of babies is just the first step. Teaching kids how to be responsible, respectful human beings lasts a lot longer!)

That's not to say parenting is all sunshine and rainbows. I did have a spell of PPD that started about 6-7 months after my son was born and lasted close to a year, which I attribute to hormonal changes plus the enormous upheaval in our lives. It was brutal on me and our marriage suffered for awhile, but thankfully recovered. I still miss the freedom of my pre-kids life, sometimes. A number of hobbies have been put on the shelf until I have more time and energy to pursue them. Date nights outside the house don't happen as often as either of us would like. Even though I'm steeped in mommy culture, I sort of resent that when I'm with a group of female friends, parenting and kids dominate the conversation. It's nice being part of the club, so to speak, but we're all bright women who have other things to bring to the table!

Like with any other decision, there are trade-offs to having kids vs. staying child-free. I think it's important to be honest about the challenges as well as the joys. Both are abundant!

I'm with MaryK. If you don't want children, don't have them.

I will say that I never liked babies, I never even liked kids, but I love my daughter and I loved her at every single stage, from pod to person. So I don't think interest in other people's babies is an accurate predictor of whether you would like parenthood or be good at it.

I also think any time the people around you talk about something you don't do or doesn't interest you it can be deadly dull. Football... the best BBQ place in town... a TV show you don't watch... zzzzzzzz... it doesn't mean you're missing out. There is more to life than any single experience, right? If other people are trying to make you feel isolated, they suck. But if they're not, shrug and wait for the topic to change.

I just want to add that this thread on this forum has made me feel as welcomed and included as anything I've been involved with in a long time. I know this was a difficult thing to share, Kari, but so many of us have deep (an often unvoiced) feelings about this subject and I appreciate the ability to chat about it in a non-judgmental and supportive environment. YLF is an amazing community.

This has been one of the most fascinating threads I've participated in....Thanks Kari for starting it. I had NO IDEA that so many other women had made the same decision, and had some of the same experiences as me. Not that I needed to know, but I have often thought it was only my sphere (which I have since moved away from) that treated me this way. It was such a relief for me when I got to about 39 yo and people finally just dropped the question "when are you gonna have kids?"..
When I moved to another state, and made new friends, imagine my surprise when I got nothing but positive comments at "knowing myself well enough to make the choice" (and thankful I lived in a time that I could make that choice).

I am 57 and have one 20 year old daughter. My husband and I married when I was 34 and even after marriage I never gave any thought at all to having children. It was my mother who was pushing me saying that I should have 3 children so that when I am older maybe one of them take care of me. (What a distorted reason for having kids). My husband's parents were also being a pain wanting to know when we were having kids.

Having kids is a personal decision and when the 2 of you are on board with it then that is great. It was about a year after marriage that I felt that I wanted kids and so did my husband. I never really ruled it out, but I never gave it much thought.

I have friends who have children by choice, friends who got pregnant despite not wanting kids, those childless by choice and those who just could not have kids. This means you have to be ready to handle whatever happens if things do not go as you have planned.

.Do I regret having a child? Absolutely not. My daughter and I are very close and I love her in a way that I cannot explain. We talk about anything and everything. There are times, however, that I do regret giving up my career to stay at home with her. I worked hard to get through college and graduate school and work my way up in a lucrative career to give it up, because I could not entrust anyone else to take care of her.

Reflecting back, I would not change one thing. My career would have eaten up a large chunk of my life and at some point I would have retired and been looking for something else to do with the rest of my life. My husband and daughter are both part of the rest of my life and I cannot wait to see what happens. Whether she decides to focus solely on her career, or tackle parenthood and career, or being a fulltime mother. That is her decision and I stand by whatever she wants.

I am the mother of 4 and knew from a very young age that i wanted to be a mother. I have fully enjoyed this journey and wouldn't trade it for anything.

It is a huge responsiblility and not one that is part of everyone's journey! I have a feeling my daughter will be quite the opposite of myself and that is ok if that is the path she choses for herself.

I hate that people act like it is something you are suppose to want for your life... It's such a personal decision and if more people seriously weighed it as an option rather than a life requirement the world would be much better off!!!

startting to get on my soapbox, so signing off now...

I'm one of those people who's never had any real interest in parenting. I value family, but family of choice can be just as important (and sometimes more important) than family of origin, and I don't have to be raising the next generation directly to influence them. Hopefully my influence will include being a female role model in my field (where women are currently few and far between) as well as being one of the adults in my nephew's life who can be really focused and attentive with him... for a handful of hours, after which I go home to my clean, quiet home and my cats.

Also, having worked in a nursing home as a teenager, I had no illusions about being able to count on my hypothetical kids to look out for me. We *all* need to have contingency plans in place for our retirement and elder care, kids or no. We *all* need to have support networks and people who care about us throughout our lives, because it's unrealistic and unfair to expect a child or spouse to be one's sole emotional or financial support; even if they're willing to step into that role, they may not be able to for whatever reason.

Hopefully P (or another relative or friend in the next generation or two) will care enough about old Auntie L to make sure I'm not getting bedsores in the home and help me onto the ice floe should that time come. But planning for that time is all on me.

ETA: I'm almost 45 and don't regret my choice a bit. My boyfriend is on board and my family is either neutral or have come to terms with it by now. Even my dad, who was absolutely nutso for grandkids, will call me up and talk about how exhausting it was spending the day with P, and I think he's starting to get it now.

Another childfree person here - I knew it wasn't for me at a very early age. I enjoy kids well enough, and spent a lot of time babysitting as a youngster but still knew that it wasn't my thing. Business was my thing. I wanted to create, teach and make differences in other ways. DH felt the same way and we discussed this on date one if I remember correctly.

I understand how hard it can be when all your friends start having kids - for me, it meant finding some new (mostly older) friends. We tried very hard for a while to be involved, but it became just too one-sided - in the conversations, the choices of what to do when we got together, the sideline comments of "you don't know how hard it is," or "you can never imagine real love until you have a child of your own," etc.

Now we get the yearly Christmas cards with photos of --- drum roll please -- JUST the kids. It's like the parents (our old friends) just disappeared off the face of the earth.

****

What Deborah said exactly for me too.
And people judge in all directions from "why aren't you having kids?" to "why only one child?" to "why are you selfishly bringing a child into this world?" to "oh, you have a kid now, so our friendship must die."

Do what's right for YOU.

You know, I'm an empty nester now. I didn't gain oodles of free time to kick it. I don't see movies, dine out, go to plays, or talk on the phone.

So what's interesting is... that means it wasn't the kid.

Rachy, say it ain't so!!!

Agreed, alaskagirl. EVERYONE has unsolicited opinions on how we should live our lives. "Why aren't you married yet?" "Why don't you have kids yet?" "Why do you only have one -- it's sellllfish not to give him/her a sibling!" -- and the one my Mormon friends with 5 kids get, sometimes to their faces, sometimes behind their backs: "Why so many kids? Don't you care about the planet?" (What, like they can send their kids back?)

Judgers gonna judge. Live your life the way that makes YOU happy.

I must either have great friends and family or an awesome filter, because I never heard any of these kinds of rude, insistent remarks on what I should do with my life according to Joe Blow. The only thing I remember is my dad always wanting me to cut my hair. And everyone else wanting me not to. No other strong comments on how I should conduct myself.
I will say, rather tangentially, that Facebook profile pics of one's kid in one's stead is just weird to me. I mean, the name is right under the pic. It's like labeling them as you. I do. not. get it.

Having to bring up children you didn't want is not my idea of fun - terrible for everyone imo. It is much less selfish to decide not to have them.

I agree that work colleagues can be very competitive about children & grandchildren & the conversations can seem endless. It wasn't what I wanted to talk about either & I had a child

We all have to live our own lives the way that seems best to us. Just for the record: I have one grandson whom I am smitten with but I don't talk about him all the time, nor did I talk about my daughter either. I get really annoyed by generalisations about tribes - when any of us start treating groups of people as "others" or "not us" we run into a lot of problems imo.

Hi Kari,

I have two kids, so I'm not exactly the person this thread is directed at, but I want to comment anyway.

Do not have children unless you really, really want them.

I feel very strongly about this. Children should be wanted. They bring joy, of course. They also bring a lifetime of commitment, responsibility and worry -- even if they turn into wonderful, well-adjusted adults.

If you're on the fence, go for the safer option, and don't have them. Unless your biological clock starts ticking, in which case, go for it. But remember, once you're in, you can never go back.

And it's not like the world has a shortage of babies, right?

I had DD20 at 40.5; I was never a *baby person* or much of a kid person; DH is the nurturing one. I wanted to wait/was ambivalent and didn't know fertility really starts to go down in one's late 20s, not 35 as I had thought. I was lucky and had/have an easy kid; not everyone is that fortunate.

I live in the SF Bay Area which is one of the most expensive parts of the country. Unless you live in the 'burbs, it is hard to afford any kids, much less more than one if you factor in day care, camp, private school, or whatever. So in the cities and with a lot of lesbian and gay friends, you don't get a lot of pressure to have more than one kid, much less any kids at all. Guess I'm pretty lucky that way. Also, DD has a lot of adults to mentor her which makes me feel very fortunate as she doesn't have many relatives, esp. ones close by.

Don't have a kid unless you truly want one. But I hope you would consider being a supportive but psychologically unentangled (is that a word?) listener to a friend's teen/young adult down the road. IMHO that role is truly important and special.

I'd like to add to my original post re: the practical consideration.
There is no doubt that you would be a good mother if you chose to have a family whether by biological or adoption, good parenting is a choice although it does come more naturally for some. It is, as others have mentioned, an incredibly challenging and often thankless task but it does come with rewards to offset the former:-) It also comes with no gaurentees that your child will be totally 'normal' in every way. This is something that a person has to comes to terms with but not dwell on when thinking this through.
For the record, I live in a place and time where I am surrounded by babies and children of all ages a lot of the time. I am also a mother of 4 children ranging in age from 8 to 25. There are times when gatherings and coffee times will be focused on talk of our children but not nearly all the time. I think social media has given some people the impression that we want to know all the details (with pictures) of their personal lives. It has become a bit unbalanced as a result. It sometimes seems as though people are more concerned about getting the picture to post online than actually enjoying the event they're at.

I have never, not once, wanted children. It is probably my single decision that I've always had the utmost confidence in. It even a family joke that it was Santa's (aka my mom's) fault for bringing me a Baby Alive doll when I was six. The one that you fed and it pooped it's diaper with the nasty baby food...

I don't have a problem with kids. I'm a fantastic aunt and pretty decent with my friends' kids. But even as a child I never wanted babies. I'm in my 40s now so the clock is a little late if it was ever going to start up. When I was first dating my husband he was told to move on if he wanted kids, it was non negotiable as far as I was concerned.

I've never felt guilt about it and I think I never felt pressured or attacked because I knew it was the best decision for me and any hypothetical children that I could potentially have..

All that being said, mad props to the parents out there.

One quick word about the ticking clock....when it happens, there is no mistaking it. It's loud and won't stop until a baby or child appears. So if you are not sure, then its not ticking for you. So don't do it. And if by chance it starts ticking when you are past your baby-making age, then ADOPT. Don't let time constraints or other people's lives influence you. Do what YOU want when YOU want.