Now is the perfect time to show our new style - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Now is the perfect time to show our new style

sinead

There was a conversation started a while back (I've looked and can't find it) about when to start wearing your new outfits. It's hard to just all of a sudden go from invisible/frumpy to stylish, especially if you're reserved or shy. People notice, and it feels a little forced when you're still getting your feet wet with putting together new outfits.

I was struggling with this during the time I started reading YLF, and frustrated that I knew how to look better, but just not doing it. It didn't help when a girlfriend I was going out to dinner with asked me to CHANGE ("You look so dressed up! You'll make me feel bad." I had on black pants and a pretty top from the Seattle Swap-thank you Jane! Not really that dressy, but I did go change into my jeans.)

So I realized that with spring and a new season of clothes and everyone bringing out different things to wear, it would be much easier to use this transition time to debut the more-stylish looks. I tried my new, springy green jacket, a smart casual outfit, the other day while driving my daughter to the orthodontist and she looked at me and said "You look... young." After pumping her to make sure it was a compliment and not a you-look-like-mutton-dressed-as-lamb comment, she told me she was proud of me and she liked that I didn't look my age. Yeah!!! Best orthodontist trip ever!

I'm going to push myself to be a little bolder with the season change (if it ever will change-cold and wet today), keep focusing on my shopping list, and try to be a little better prepared for friends' reactions. I don't think they'll always be positive, but oh well, Seattlelites can be a little stodgy sometimes.

Did you have a transition period you had to go through after upgrading your style? I'd love to hear how it went.

Dressing

19 replies

Latest reply was from Encore

NCyogini

Sinead,

How exciting for you. It's fun to smarten up your look, but you are right that it can be hard to all of the sudden start wearing gorgeous and fab pieces without it being somewhat of a shock to people who are used to us looking... well, maybe not quite as fab. My friends did ask me some curious but kind questions, but these conversations always ended with me writing down youlookfab.com on the back of one of my business cards and them gleefully checking out the site themselves.

I too think spring/summer is a great time to start showing your new style. I think once you get used to maybe being a little more 'dressed up' than your friends (and when they get used to this too) it will not be something you really even think about anymore. Have fun being bold and confident. What's more fun than a YLF makeover? Nothing!

Post photos!

Steffie

JewelryGirl

I agree, post photo's - we'd all love to see! I think sometimes small venture's out like that help ease us into transition (just like the ortho visit trip you had). Some of my recent examples - scarf to church for 1 hr. before work (to try it out before I was committed to it for an entire day), belted cardi running errands on Saturday before I tried it at work today (again, small commitment before the big one). Again, on Easter Sunday - dress to church before work.

What a wonderful compliment from your daughter! I have to say, when my DD15 has friends over & they are working on their own version of a smart casual look & ask for my opinion on something it really does make me stop in your tracks because they are asking for advice like that.

Relish it!

shiny

Veteran

That's so sweet about your daughter's comment - how old is she?

For me, it was a bit easier because I had dropped a lot of weight and several dress sizes, so everyone understood that I had to get new clothes anyhow. My teens are the easiest... since we have spent countless weekends watching WNTW marathons together.

I don't think my girlfriends have ever asked me to change my clothes. But I have probably in the past asked them to change - it's me that was the one who would feel underdressed if they dressed up. My girlfriends are quite stylish. I was the schlumpadinka.

I can fully understand how work might be an issue. If you can make small tweaks so the changes creep up over time, that may work best. Otherwise, I like your change of season strategy.

For me, it's not too bad since I telecommute most of the time (in office twice a month only). Actually, people at work were used to seeing me wearing dress slacks when they all wore jeans instead. So in a weird way, I may be dressed more smartly - yet more casually at the same time and more to "code" -since I wear jeans in the office now, where I never did before.

I have a standard story also, if anyone at work asks, and it's actually true (though only one defining moment of many): a few years ago (maybe 3 or 4 now?), we were required to take a public speaking course, where they videotaped us. Seeing myself on videotape made me cringe. UGH. I did fine with the speaking part - I just looked atrocious.

There was the matter of my weight and the extra chins. Then there was my hair - long, limp, lifeless and dull, and pulled back in a tacky scrunchy. Next, my teeth were yellow from years of smoking. Then came my clothes. I tackled these things one by one. Quit smoking. White strips. Lose weight. Cut the hair. Fashion makeover!

So when, for example, I ran into the instructor for the course a month or so ago, and she complimented my haircut and my outfit and my weight loss, I told her "it's because of your course!!! I decided to give myself a makeover after seeing myself on video!!" She tells me that she hears that a lot.

sinead

Steffie, and JG, I promise to post more photos when we get some camera issues fixed. I may have to resort to my camera phone. And I agree, JG, those small steps make it easier- just a pretty scarf this winter helped me feel like I was making progress. How fun is it that your daughter's friends ask you for advice!

Shiny- my DD is 16 and and can be quite blunt, so I was thrilled with a compliment from her. Don't you think WNTW is one of the great mother/daughter bonding shows of all time? We have had so much fun watching that together! Oh! I almost forgot! She wrote to the show nominating me last year!! That's when I thought ok, I need to upgrade my style. I'm really impressed with you and your makeover- you are so polished and stylish and look like you were born that way. Thanks for posting all the photos- so inspiring!

shiny

Veteran

Yes! We have always loved that show, although lately Wife Swap is taking over.

How did you feel about her wanting to nominate you? I would love a $5K spree in NYC myself; I would've gone in a minute.

Sounds like your DD is your number one support in this makeover thing, do you think? Does she mind going shopping with you (for your clothes not necessarily for hers)? Could she take your outfit photos? A blunt 16 year old - who watches WNTW and knows the difference between lamb and mutton - can be just the ticket, I'm thinking!!! And you get the mother/daughter bonding experience on top of it all. What more can you ask for.... (I love having daughters).

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sinead, this is a super thread and I’m thrilled that your daughter was complimentary. A win-win situation :0)

Steffie and Shiny have relayed wonderful stories about their strategies and feelings and I hope that encourages you. I sort of wish your friend would hop onto the forum – or bring her to the next swap. We'd love to have her join us.

Your seasonal strategy sounds like a good one. You’ve already moved leaps and bounds so be sure to pat yourself on the back. It’s very interesting how different people action showcasing their new style. I have clients that leave shops wearing their new items from top to toe IMMEDIATELY; and I have those who have to break in each item separately, carefully mixing it in with older less fab items so that they don’t look like they did on the first day of school. (That in itself is an odd concept to me because I wore a school uniform for 12 years, but I think I get it).

We can’t wait to see you strut more of your renewed style, Sinead. I'm happy you're happy!

Antje

Veteran

Oh Sinead, that's a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing, and yay to you!!!

When I first met Angie and had her help me with a "style makeover", I used a job change for the transition. Somehow it felt more comfortable wearing dressier outfits (at least they felt dressy for me, though I just kind of upped the smart in smart casual) in a new environment amongst new people. No one gave me the "oh you look so dressed up today" comment, and I didn't have to shatter any pre-conceived notions to shatter. And amongst my friends I already was a little more "styled" in that I've always worn colorful accessories like scarves and funky shoes, and most of them are very casually dressed, so they didn't immediately notice that my style evolved further.

Do post pictures of your spring outfits, Sinead!

sinead

Shiny, I also thought 5k to go shopping would be great- but I was a little embarrassed she thought I needed help. But I would've gone, you bet.

And the pictures... I'm afraid we've tried. She just doesn't have the patience, gets cranky.... I'll figure out something else. You know what she loves, though? Borrowing my new clothes! I should make it a condition- pix before borrowing!

Angie, I appreciate your feedback- and the analogy about the first day of school is perfect. There is some of that feeling of not wanting to suddenly stand out. And believe me I'm trying to get friends on board... I have a lot of, uh, how to put this...sort of old-hippie type of friends. Love them, they're great- but it's hard to make them understand why I'm working on this. I think they'll come around eventually. It's so much fun, and we have to wear clothes, so why not enjoy it?

Antje- thanks for the "yay". I admit, I was beaming. I'm hoping to use a job change as a transition too. I really appreciate hearing the stories of how people went about this, but I can see that you've probably always been the stylish one. I will post pictures, I promise. I don't have that much yet, just a few things, but I'm looking forward to getting feedback.

You guys are such sweethearts.

Kari

Veteran

That is such a good point... and Sinead, thanks for sharing your story. That's really awesome to hear from your daughter. Will we get to see a pic of the cute new jacket? Also, thanks for reminding me to compliment my mom more often - I'm proud of her too for embracing new looks and getting past the "it's too young for me" barrier. We bond over What Not To Wear, too... sometimes the whole family (even my dad) will sit down together to watch it.

I used the leap between cities and jobs to transition. After college I continued to work at the university with students, so even though I sometimes threw a little bus-cas dress into the mix, most of the time I intentionally dressed smart-casual (or even casual-casual depending on the setting) because it helped me fit into the environment I was working in. I also had a very low budget and couldn't afford to upgrade my entire wardrobe at once, but I tried to be more choosy about the pieces I bought with mixed success.

I discovered YLF shortly after moving to another city and just before getting my first "real" job in a more corporate-centered environment requiring more business-casual dress, so it was a good excuse to add more polish to my wardrobe. My family still thinks I'm a little too dressy and that I need more casual clothes, but I'm pretty happy with smart casual or business casual being my basic look.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I can appreciate the troubles in changing one's wardrobe: for me, the toughest part was getting my main Shopping Friend to stop teasing me about my horrible choices before. We would go out looking for new clothes, and while we were in the dressing room and she was helping me find better-fitting, better-looking items, she would talk about my bad shoes or wrong PPL to everyone in the dressing room including the salespeople! It was embarrassing and always made me feel like I was still clunky and dowdy and had no fashion sense at all, even though I was already looking very sharp. It wasn't until I started shopping on my own and later meeting up with her in all kinds of pretty things that she stopped with the stories. I know it wasn't intentional, she actually meant it as a form of praise for how far I'd come, but still, it always made me feel badly about myself. But now when we shop together, she never brings it up. Hurray!

I actually made the transition between jobs, so no one outside of my DH and Shopping Friend really noticed. But when I met up with ex-coworkers at the old job, they definitely noticed I had upgraded, and they loved it! (Of course, we worked in retail and they all loved clothes so they notice these things.)

You just keep changing the way you want to, and don't worry about what people say. They'll talk, or they won't. As long as YOU like how you look, that's all that matters.

crwilson

Veteran

Sinead-
I'm going through this process myself. There's definitely a sense of risk when you start wearing new things or new styles. I like how Angie described it as feeling like the first day of school. For work, I haven't switched styles dramatically, just upgraded a bit and gotten things in similar styles that actually fit me. But even bright new colors make me feel a bit uncomfortable at first.

I think I'm going to have a harder time with my casual wardrobe because that's where I'd like to make the most changes. And the people who I see when I'm dressed casually (i.e. my family) will feel quite free to give me their feedback.

Speaking of which, it's great that your daughter gave you compliments. I don't have a teenager, and I don't actually know that many teenagers anymore, but I imagine that compliments from them are sometimes difficult to get!

jwomack

Great thread here!! I am trying to remember how I introduced my upgraded style. I got motivated after baby number 3. I was tired of being overweight, out of shape and looking rather frumpy. (I cringe at old pictures now). I started working out and losing the weight and felt it was time to upgrade the wardrobe. I have a very stylish friend who inspired me -- she always looks put together and I started to see how jewelry, accessories, etc. can easily change something from too casual to smart casual. YLF has been a tremendous help of course. I think I just jumped in. I definitely had comments about being so dressy or really into clothes now. As a SAHM in the midwest, the mom uniform seems to be very casual -- sweat suits, jeans/tees, etc. You do feel like you stand out in the crowd when you dress stylishly.

What I have come to notice though is once I made the switch, it is now just what people expect of me. I get more compliments about outfits. I knew that I had really changed my style when friends started to relay compliments that other people had given me in their conversations. I knew that my new style had sunk in and was just part of me now.

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Sinead, you are so thoughtful about making this change. We've had conversations on the forum before about bumping up against people who are threatened by change in us brought about by discovering YLF and changing our style. My conclusion (and I might be too much of a bull in a china shop) is that you wear what you feel best in, be confident, and hold your head high. Any negative reaction from others is about THEM, not you.

And I love your daughter's comment. That is just so sweet!

April

Veteran

I particularly like your observation about "knowing how to look better, but just not doing it." I am finding that so true. There's something hard about deciding to put effort into your appearance after a period of having neglected it -- like others will imagine that you're thinking a little too highly of yourself (yes, I grew up in the kind of family where that was a cardinal sin).

I'm finding the support on this site invaluable -- whether it's being provided to others or to myself -- as I work through this process. It's just so comforting to know that others are going through similar transitions!

tarzy

Veteran

Wow - you are all such nice people. Sinead - I have to admit that when I read about your friend wanting you to "dress down to her level" it made me angry. (Must be the New Yorker in me.) I know I probably wouldn't have said anything either, but I hate the thought that she wanted to bring you down, rather than let you bring her up.

I feel more free to experiment - but sadly, I still make bad mistakes. I recently went to a family function and I wore a blue knit top with a white cami underneath it. I thought I looked good - I loved the color of the shirt. But when I saw pictures from the day - I was absolutely horrified! I noticed that the shirt was stretched out a bit tightly over my bust and you could sort of see the white of the cami through the fabric of the shirt. I'm not sure I'm explaining it well - the shirt wasn't see-through, but I guess the fabric was thin. It made my bust look HUGE, and the cap sleeves made my arms look fat (they were a perfect illustration for Angie's dislike of cap sleeves.)

When I got home I put that shirt right into a bag for the thrift store. Maybe it would look okay with a darker cami, I don't know - that shirt is ruined for me now. But I know I have to let it go. I can't let that stop me from trying new styles. I may shy away from knits with cap sleeves now, but that's probably a good thing, unless they're layered under something. Sigh. Sometimes I feel it's a step forward, two steps back.

But I want to keep trying - I have to keep trying! I truly appreciate the support and generosity of everyone on this forum - and the honesty. It's the best way to learn.

Anonymous

Tara, I sympathize because I'm still making mistakes too. I guess that comes with experimenting. The latest: My thankfully inexpensive scarf purchases now seem way too intensely bright for my coloring to be worn near the face. They may see some use tied to a bag. What was I thinking? I'm also stuggling with how to wear silk voluminous blouses.

As to the original question, like others I naturally changed my style when needing to replace my wardrobe due to weight loss, so little was said about the change. The greatest critics of my new YLF-inspired style stopped the remarks when they went shopping with me and saw how difficult finding something to fit has become at the places I used to shop.

sinead

Thanks for the support everyone, and I love hearing your stories about how you made the change into a style upgrade.

Tara, I'm sorry you had a setback, style-wise, but you know, all we can do is try. Isn't it funny how pictures show you things you can't see in the mirror? I have to admit I've taken a few photos to post here, saw the pictures and decided I didn't need any feedback- the pictures made it clear it was not working.

And the scarf, Joy- I did the same thing. Actually, for me, my mistake was in buying very warm, fall colors in a scarf when the whole point was to go out and buy a summer scarf! I've kicked myself over that- how could I mess up scarf shopping?

Anyway, I think we learn from our mistakes. At least we're in there trying!

marianne

I started working on my wardrobe after pregnancy, so I had a good excuse for buying new stuff. When I went back to work, nobody questioned it, although in my work environment people would't really discuss these things. Outside of work, I started introducing one thing at a time. I did get a few comments from friends - mostly compliments or questions like "Where did you buy this?" The incident with your girlfriend sounds a bit awkward, and I also would probably change in this situation, too. I also find it hard to explain the motivation to people who are dear to you but who do not care about this aspect. A couple of times I said, "Oh I am just trying to get myself a little makeover" and then change the topic.
April, in my family putting effort into one's appearance was also considered a sin. However, there were also frequent comments about the way others would dress, whether it was tasteful, unflattering or loud or what. That's probably why I grew up so conflicted about my personal style

Encore

Wow - I agree with everyone on this topic! I also felt a bit awkward when I first starting trying new styles (just this past Feb). My response to comments about my change? - I am cleaning out my closet and found a ton of fun clothes!

For me, just wearing animal print belt was a BIG DEAL!

Note to Tarzy: Last week I wore an outfit to work that was wrong, wrong, wrong (did I say WRONG) and I felt yuck but like you, I'll keep working at it