Not settling, or out with the old, in with the new (long) - YouLookFab Forum

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Not settling, or out with the old, in with the new (long)

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I seem to be both purging a lot of so so things, and buying much more expensive items all at the same time. Last night I pulled the trigger on a smaller size of the True Religion Cameron BF jeans, and this morning I tossed 4 dresses in the purge pile. http://www.zappos.com/true-rel.....i-missouri

I realized that I very often don't buy what I really want, but rather a less $$ substitute, and decided that needs to stop. We make good enough money that I can buy a nice few things for myself to wear. No wonder I end up with too many clothes but many of them are just not right. If I'd just fork over for the one or two great pieces, instead of cobbling together half a dozen 'almosts' on sale, I'd spend the same but have much better stuff!!

The BF has never commented on how much something cost, but rather how much stuff I have. And honestly, I finally don't want more, more, more. It's been a long road to hoe. I am coming on 2 years here in a couple of months, and I feel that's about the proper amount of time to take it all in, try it on, hone in what works for your lifestyle, etc. Of course, my moving between climates likely added to the whole learning curve lol.

Also, I'm beginning to not settle, and return or leave behind the 'almosts'. My navy dot top everyone gave thumbs up to, went back because *I* felt it hit kinda in a funny spot on me. http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....dot-blouse I instead have this one coming, and it feels more *me* anyway! http://www.ebay.com/itm/230827.....705wt_1054 I'm also finally picking accessories to express my style with even the simplest of things, like jeans and a tee.

All this to say, I guess, I'm finally coming around to less, better pieces. I took pics of all July outfits and see that I wasn't even close to repeating. On WNTW they often mention a total of 25 or 30 outfits out of their five grand at the end. I like the idea of 30 perfect outfits vs. 100 maybe okay ones.

Oh, one last thing, if the BF jeans work, I realize that half of my year's budget will have gone to my 'big', but also favorite, pieces - Frye boots, Express suit, Muubaa jacket, and TR BF jeans. I like that ratio - half spent on 'investment' pieces and the other half to round things out, trends, knits that will wear out, etc.

Thanks for listening to my ramble this morning lol!! I just kinda made it over some invisible hurdle last night when I hit enter at Zappos. I gave myself permission to spend on me. It is okay and I do deserve it.

General

29 replies

Latest reply was from Mo

Sunita

Veteran

Congrats on that epiphany Mo!

I'm trying to get there as well, but it's hard to curb the impulse shopping when you see so much fabulous stuff here on YLF. Atleast I have become a more discerning shopper since I joined...

MNsara

Veteran

This sounds very thoughtful, very rational, and perfectly logical I like how you laid it out and it makes sense to me too!

I think two years of YLF is about right for going through lots of the style stages most of us need to go through. (There are some that are very analytical and seem to 'find themselves' sooner, but that hasn't been my journey

I admire that you can list those major purchases as your favorites AND that you committed half of your budget to them and half to satisfy trends, etc. I think that's brilliant!!

ETA: You are also incredible with how you've managed your two completely different wardrobe needs as well. That adds a layer of complexity that proabaly would leave me in jeans and tees

rae

(website)

Veteran

*throws confetti*

Yay, Mo! I fell like I have been on this journey right along with you... I also have a big closet of almosts that have been slowly purging away. It is nice to know someone else out there has similar issues and is overcoming them.

You have really narrowed down your style and have developed a killer signature look that fits your lifestyles at home and in Florida - I think that is the key. Now that you can solidly identify perfect items, why not invest in them? It is way more important to spend less when in an experimental stage.

I *really* hope those BF jeans are perfect this time!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I like the way you're thinking, Mo!

Timely, as I just finished putting away clean laundry and came up one hanger short in my side of the closet. That is a sign stuff needs to start going away again. But I stood there and looked at things that I have had for a few years and don't necessarily *love* but think I might want to wear at some point. I'm going to need to get tough with myself soon. Or maybe post some keep/toss pictures, now that I'm feeling better and getting my strength back from my nasty flu/virus thing.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

It's good to know others are following in similar train of thought! Intellectually, you can know all this, but until you take it on board that doesn't really help (me anyway).
I should add that all my investment pieces were still acquired on sale, but I didn't buy them *because* they were on sale. That is an important distinction. I was going to buy them anyway, just found the right time to grab them. (They total about $750 but would have retailed at about $1300 full price.)
At any rate $250, even at sale price, would never have left my wallet before!

JR

Veteran

That's such a good place to end up. I am looking forward to getting there.

For years I bought what was cheap and what fit. I didn't have a lot of money and I was way overweight, so I didn't want to invest in my clothing.

And now I want to get my weight settled and find out what works with my new body shape before I get that discriminating. I also can't be too picky about fit, because things are still changing and what fits now might not in two months.

I am so looking forward to building a permanent wardrobe, where quality trumps quantity.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Mo -- the Missouri wash runs small. They are the only Camerons I have in a size 27. I have the ones from Tahoe in a 26, and the EAD which were the same ones you got in 26 (but 25 would have been better). My fourth (we'll see is if this is the last pair, I'm so hooked) are Baja and also in a size 25. The TR sizing is all over the place.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Oh, great! Well, I felt the 27's were HUGE, so maybe the 26 in Missouri will work? Fingers crossed. At least Zappos has free returns lol!

What is EAD??

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

All of the Camerons have a different fit. I got my Missouri wash Camerons off Shopbop, and read a review that these ran a little small compared to other Camerons, so I sized up. These Missouris are the loosest, maybe a 26 would have worked too, and I think there is a difference from pair to pair.

Anonymous

Good luck with the jeans, hope they work out. I'm with you on the few quality pieces and spending the money for what you really want ( I even have the same mind in still buying those spendy but perfect items on sell but not because they are on sell) It's like you read my mind. I have found that when I settle on something because it is cheaper I often end up spending more because I am not satisfied and keep looking.

Anonymous

I love these kinds of posts, so thanks for sharing your journey. I'm just about to have my one year anniversary here and I was feeling like I should be where you are (and I'm not yet), so now I don't feel so bad. You have an extra year's experience! Besides the fact that I don't have much of a clothing budget, I still don't know what I want to invest in. How do you get to the point where you just know you will love and wear something for years? The only thing I can figure is trial and error.

@Rae, you validated my thoughts that it doesn't make sense to really invest in pieces until your style solidifies.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Great post and I think this is the goal for many of us - to understand our style so well that we know where to direct our money rather than spreading it out in lots of experiments. It certainly is a goal for me.

fern

Veteran

Love this - thanks, Mo.
I am trying to achieve this also, and slowly getting there.
Now that I have (some) stuff I love, I really want it to last.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I have had thoughts along this vein before as well. I'll just say that there is a difference between expensive and VALUE. I like to think I'm looking for the later. I try not be sucked in by brand names but rather look for quality and whether the item fits my needs...doesn't always happen that way, sometimes I fall in love, but that's my goal, anyway!

The only time I am OK with buying something on the cheap is when my weight is in flux and I just need something to get me by.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I think something shifted in my head from the girl who stretched her wardrobe dollar as far as she could to a lady who can afford to buy some nice things. Somehow in my head I was still restricting myself and not valuing my wardrobe wants/needs.
Part of this was seeing the BF buying nice quality stuff (on sale whenever we can) but not much of it. I, on the other hand, had decades of $15 and $20 deals hanging there. Being pretty much the same size for over 20 years, and not regularly purging, made matters even worse.
So I don't think it's so much that I want to buy expensive things, but rather that I don't want to deny myself something simply because it might be on the expensive side, as I have all these years. As I found, that leads to me getting a substitute that doesn't quite measure up, which eventually gets purged for so so fit or quality.

cciele

Veteran

Good for you Mo! This sounds like a great step in your style journey

velvetychocolate

Veteran

What a great post Mo - really appreciate your sharing here

I'm feeling the same way, actually. I've spent a lot of money on so-so things, and I have a lot of 'stuff', and yet I'm not really feeling like I love those items. To be perfectly honest, I've never regretted the extra $$$ I've spent on things that were more expensive, but that I felt were truly fab and that I really wanted. I've spent hundreds/thousands in discount stores, and I've been mostly (90% of the time) unhappy with those purchases.

Meanwhile, the things I've spent more on? I've never regretted those purchases. Now granted, when I spend more, I tend to be a bit more careful about what I'm buying.

With the cheaper stuff, the so-called "deals", I don't think as carefully about those items, and perhaps this is why I end up with a bunch of stuff that I don't really like all that well. There are some exceptions of course - I've found some things that were extremely well-priced that I like a whole lot, but for the most part - this isn't the case.

To be perfectly honest - I'm actually more bothered by the $$$ spent on 'stuff'. I would have been better off to spend more on a few good pieces instead of bags full of "deals," if that makes sense.

I keep forgetting this - that the few things I've spent more on, have turned out to be much better than a whole pile of 'almost, but not quite' items.

Great post - so glad you mentioned this, thank you!

Scarlet

Veteran

Mo, I am so happy to read this. I think this strategy will make you happier in the long run.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

I think this is great Mo! Quality over quantity! Here's to a streamlined 5-star closet that reflects your fab style!

Lisa

Veteran

Great reflections here! Mo I'm right with you and also with Jenava in looking for more quality items that fit my budget versus just "deal" items that are only "ok" for my style and closet space. I'm on 2 years with YLF and still haven't finished my closet purge. But I have cut down my wardrobe so that it is now less that half of what it used to be. (I'm currently at 156 items and that includes more than a dozen scarves) And I still have plenty of clothes to wear, and I can still accomodate my 4 season climate. In fact, I've found it is far easier to dress now because I can see more of the items in my closet. When everything is squished in the closet I was just grabbing the first thing that was free.

For myself, my investment items are my workhorses. I wear jeans to work everyday so I purged all my denim and built up a core of 8 jeans, most of them premium denim, one or two pairs that are not. And I have yet to replace a pair, despite wearing them everyday and at least half of them going on 2 years old! In the past I had 14 pairs of denim (or maybe even more) and I would have to replace at least 3-4 pairs within 6 months from the routine wearing and washing.

I also cut down my shoe collection considerably. I own 13 pairs of boots/sandals/shoes/sneakers to cover all my seasons. This leaves me about 4 pairs of footwear that are season specific and a couple that are floaters and can carry throughout the full year regardless of the weather. I wear all of them more often and my feet are much more comfortable. Previously I easily had 30-40 pairs of shoes, maybe even more.

I just moved and am hoping to use the move as an excuse to purge down even further. It's tedious but I'm only unpacking as I wear clothes. Whatever doesn't make it out of the bag for warm weather wear will get donated at the end of the season. All winter items went into a spare closet and I plan to place them in my closet as I wear them. This way I can really see how much I wear which I already know is far less than items I still own, even after all my purging!

Thanks for reading my ramblings!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for sharing Lisa! Yes, it is a long process to get there, isn't it? I mean, most of us don't have unlimited budgets and the ability to purge a la What Not To Wear in one fell swoop.
I am so with you on the jeans! I had about a dozen pair of just blue jeans and also wore mine to work. I now have I think 5 pair of blue jeans, and honestly 1 pair is a tad tight, so really 4 pair in rotation. And it's fine! I don't *need* a dozen pair. If my new BF ones work out, I'll be up to 6 lol.
I'm not there on the shoes . . . but for me they are real personality pieces that express my style and I have very visceral reactions to some pairs. I get this 'gotta have it' feeling wash over me. So for me, 35 pair feels right (considering my weird dual climate lifestyle).
I would love to get down to the clothing amounts you have. I'm at just shy of 150 not counting any shoes or scarves or bags. Someday I want to be closer to about 100. But, like you, I have easily purged over half of what I had. Getting there!

EDIT: Another turning point is realizing I do not have to have endlessly new combinations or outfits. For some reason I had in my head that I didn't want to be seen in 'that dress' again so soon, etc. Nonsense. If it looks good on you, why not wear the dress often? Got a jacket that's a stunner - make it your signature piece for the season! I'm not a celebrity that needs a new dress for every red carpet appearance lol.

DonnaF

Veteran

Thanks for the reminder, Mo. Quite a few of my recent purges were from Ross or were thrifted. I think I am more deliberate in my purchases from regular stores including Zappos and am better about returning stuff that isn't quite right.

My mom needs to move into a senior housing apartment with two closets by the end of the year. Not counting her huge walk-in closet with double rods along one side, she has filled the equivalent of about eight (8) regular closets with her clothes (five bedroom closets, entry way closets, three over-the-door thingies, and several rolling racks). As far as I can tell, she has never purged a thing in over 30 years of living in this house. I just dropped off two black trash bags and one tall kitchen bag of 1980s clothes at Goodwill, but those were just things in a size she hasn't seen in decades. It didn't even make a dent in what is there. I found close to a closet full of items still with tags, mostly from Ross and Marshall's but also from Montgomery Ward, a low end store that closed decades ago. And no wonder many of those things were never worn: Stiff pants with thick elastic waistbands and patch pockets. My neighbor laughed when I told him even Angelina Jolie would look terrible wearing stuff like that.

Maybe growing up during the Depression makes one hoard like that? My daughter counted over 30 polo shirts. . .

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

SO TRUE MALINA! Love all your reflections! You get the next YLF award.

By all means wear your stuff more often - and in the same way. Who cares if someone will see you in it again and again!! Lucky for them

Personally, I like to mix high end with low end - and all the stuff in-between. I love exceptional quality and designer stuff, and will pay for it. But I love Zara just as much

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post Mo - I'm coming to terms with the same thing and have bought some better quality items as of late. This has resulted in me being very excited about my fall wardrobe (provided everything I ordered fits).

I think what you've purchased as your investment pieces will go far at making you feel fab in your outfits. "Quality over quantity" is something I constantly need reminding of, so thank you!

Jamie

Veteran

Mo, this is a great post, and you are not alone. I've been going through the same thought process, but you have verbalized it so well. In the last few months, I've purged so much "stuff." And every time I give away something that I was hanging on to for some unknown reason, it's liberating!! My grandmother always used to tell me, "It's better to have 1 good dress than 10 cheap ones!" I heard that so many times in my youth, and to me, she was so right. Actually, the less I have, the more fun it is because I *know* what I have, it all works together, and I enjoy wearing it. I repeat outfits all the time. I do suffer from a serious case of outfit rut, and so I'm trying to learn how to make new outfit combinations with what I have, but really, sometimes I just really enjoy a particular combination. So what if I repeat it!

Anonymous

I do admire your determination and purging ability. Some random thoughts...

Sadly, I consider myself a collector so I am not that quick to let go of my items, as I tend to love everything that is in my closet, even if it is not worn as often. Also, with trial and error, I have found out that quality is not price dependent. I think I have a better idea now as what to look for, irrelevant of price point, but I still mess up from time to time. I also have very low expectations as far as reaching that closet nirvana. I personally think it is not possible to have the perfect closet, but it is quite fun to go on that journey. I try to enjoy myself and have fun trying different things. So, in that sense I'm probably one of the most random and undisciplined YLFabbers here:)

ManidipaM

Veteran

Well done for not only the well-articulated epiphany, but putting it into action, Mo!

I'm in that battle of giving myself permission to buy better even if it means I'll be constrained to buy less as well. I'll vouch for it being a hard habit to break! Certainly hard while on a tight budget, as Claire says, but also otherwise --- maybe it's the 'risk factor' of that trial-and-error game. A lower cost somehow reads as a smaller risk, which is actually a pretty big distortion of facts sometimes!

ramya

Veteran

Mo!!!! Good going...

I know what you mean... Mine was the opposite case.. Personally I buy only classics... Would have said boring but YLF changed my life so classics..

But then being the only girl in the whole family every one gifted me... Many aunts styles were not exactly my style... but I had them ... and wore them , In my head it was trying to please them...

Then we decided to move half the globe away... Luggage restriction helped me... I just got stuff I really loved and only those that fit me :)... I still have some of the clothes that I love back in India... but then I love all my clothes here...

Oh ya and my DH did get me couple of clothes here :)... And I got a fun skirt in sale...
but then I have it in back of my mind that I will not go where I was.. Oh ya and expensive Norway helps me

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for the input all of you! Update: my BF jeans did not work out But I will be returning them. NO Settling!! I will just patiently wait for the vintage mixed hardware ones to come around in the 26. Those I know will be a perfect fit after having tried these other non stretch in 26.
The blue dress presents a quandary. I don't want to keep it if it's 'almost'. Right now it's almost. It hangs just a tad too rectangularly on me for my comfort, even if that's perhaps the intended style. I'd need to either add 2 small darts in the skirt or to belt it. The question is, is it worth it, and will I do it? Also, this brings up the idea that you sometimes need to get out of your comfort zone to grow. If I wear it more loosely, as intended, perhaps that will open up a door towards other styles I hadn't considered.
So that's where I'm at. Riding the fine line between only bringing in winners into the closet and pushing myself outside of my box a little.
As for the BF jeans, I will continue to look and know that I have months to find 'the ones'. No pressure to just make do with what I can find now.

Oh, as an aside, I need to mention that 2 of my wardrobe workhorses that I am totally in love with were under $10. My ON drapey white tee and my 'paper bag' dress from Ross. So I don't think money equals style or quality in any way, just rather that I'm not letting it be the invisible obstacle it once was for me. Like a stop sign that says turn around, don't look, let alone try on or buy! (gasp - I just realized I did exactly this with Denise in Tahoe!! I didn't even try on her jeans because of the $$$. I knew I couldn't buy them so I didn't even want to be tempted. If I could go back now . . . )