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My Mum and trip

Gail

Veteran

Heading to UK for an emergency visit to see my Mother on Friday. She has declined greatly in the past two weeks so much so that I can no longer understand her on the phone. The daily phone calls have been our lifeline to each other and I am lost without them. My Mother had a massive stroke 15 years ago at age 62. She was a vibrant young 62 prior to the stroke . She has been amazingly stoic and upbeat with it all despite her limitations even after my Father died 6 years ago. I was able to keep her in her home until 18 months ago before I moved her to a nursing home . Two weeks ago she was doing the daily crossword in the paper and having her hair and nails done once a week!
This week before I go I am attending a large auction at Christies in NYC on Tuesday evening. I was excited about going but now not so much and the thought of planning my outfits for that which involves staying overnight and then a week long trip to the UK is making me feel overwhelmed.
I know for the UK trip I have to figure out my foot wear first per Angie, nothing seems to work with what I want to take despite me having an inordinate amount of boots. I won't need dressy clothes for the UK unless ........ well you know where I am going with that . Should I take something appropriate for a service or just deal with it if it happens? I hope it doesn't .

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16 replies

Latest reply was from Helen11

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh, Gail, I am so sorry about this. It sounds very stressful.

I am sure your travel capsule will be much better than you fear. If you are able to post photos and wish to do so, we can help with specifics.

Bring a dress in your bag and some boots/ shoes that will work with it if you can.

I would bring:

Raincoat.

Blazer/ moto jacket or other topper. If you have room, take two in different styles/ moods.

Cardigan or jumper or tunic (depending on what works best for you).

One dark dress that works with the toppers and can be dressed up or down with footwear, scarves or jewellery and choice of topper.

3 scarves with different patterns.

3 dressier "tee" type tops or tunics, or 1 turtleneck and 2 other tops in solid neutrals (depending on what works best for your body type.)

Two blouses or shirts, at least one with a pattern.

2 camisoles or tanks for layering.

1 jeans (if you wear denim).

1 leggings (if you wear those).

1 ponte pant or wool pant (or one of each if you have room).

1 tote. 1 cross body or clutch or convertible.

A little bag of jewellery -- necklace, bracelet, earrings -- whatever you wear.

For footwear, I would bring: one simple, versatile bootie that would work theoretically with all pants and maybe even the dress to dress it down.

One dressier shoe.

One more bootie or mid-height boot.

Exercise gear (including whatever footwear you use for that). Pjs. Bras, socks, undies.

Umbrella.

Gloves. Hat.

Kindle loaded with books.

I always err on the "more shoes" side because even though they take up room and weigh a lot they make a huge difference in how well put together I feel.

Wishing you strength and peace.

anne

Veteran

Oh Gail, what a hard position to be in.

I can't top that lovely long and detailed list Suz has given you. And - I would take something just in case.. well you know. That is if you have an outfit ready in your wardrobe so it is just a case of packing it - not if you'd have to go out and buy it.

Flytigress

Can you skip the NYC trip and go directly to see your mom?

Joy

Veteran

I' so sorry, Gail. Yes, bring an outfit just in case. I went home for some surgery my mother was having not expecting tobe there long. The surgery went well but she died in the hospital from catching pneumonia and I ended up having to make a run to the only store available, Walmart, for something to wear to the funeral. I really hope you don't need the just-in-case items but, if the worst happens, you will be in no shape to want to shop even if you can find a bit of time. Virtual hugs for you.

Anonymous

Gail, I'm so sorry about your mum's downturn in health and I wish you and your mum all the best. As a UKer, I can tell you that it's been wet, windy and mild-ish here over the last week and I think we have more forecast. You definitely need rain suitable clothes and an umbrella. Suz has given you a great list. Layers are definitely a good direction to take, as our temperatures could dip at any time. It has been milder than usual lately though.

kkards

Veteran

gail. i'm so sorry to hear about you mom's turn….as for talking something dressy with you….i don't know what to advice you, but a few years ago, when my dad was sick, i struggled with this each time i got an emergency call. i decided that if i need something, i would just buy it there….but the best advice i can give you is to pack what ever will bring you the least amount of stress….

Summer

Veteran

I'm so sorry, Gail. This must be so stressful for you with your mother being so far away.
Suz has given excellent ideas for your travel capsule, but I'd just agree that it would be a good idea to have that dressy outfit with you. It's not pleasant to think about, but, should the worst happen, you will be spared the added stress of shopping for an outfit.
My best wishes to both you and your dear mother.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Gail, I'm really sorry to hear about your Mum. That's very stressful and heartbreaking.

Suz has got you started just beautifully - although I never pack exercise gear - it might be something you want to do. DO pack a dressy outfit or two. It's important. And think about what your Mum would have liked you to wear.

(Can you skip the auction and head straight to the UK?)

Wishing you strength. We are here if and when you need support.

Beth Ann

Veteran

I love that you have called your mother daily. I'm sure your calls were the highlight of her day. I'm so sorry to hear that she is not doing well, and I'm sure it is very difficult to be across the ocean.

Suz is awesome! Her list (and Angie's suggestions) will be helpful, I think. Sometimes it's nice to let someone else do the planning for you.

Blessings on your trip.

Eliza

Veteran

Great tips, here. I am sending good thoughts to you and your mother. It is hard to be far away when there are changes. Here's hoping there is a "simpler" explanation for her down turn. (Sometimes an infection can rapidly transform elders' cognition, for example.)

I'd pack for comfort, as well as eventualities. Times spent at bedsides are tiring and sometimes it helps to doze in a chair beside your relative. For me, that would be two pairs of ponte knit pants that dress up or down and pair of super comfortable shoes. Some would like a pashmina, poncho or shall to do double duty as a nap blanket. Bring a small tube of hand lotion and lots of lip balm. I wash my hands very often when visiting my father in the nursing home and they get dry.

All the best.

Gail

Veteran

Thank you all so much for your kindness and helpful tips.
Suz the list is a tremendous help and I am about to go upstairs and start pulling things together. I won't take exercise gear as I hardly use it under the best of circumstances.
I managed to talk to Mum today and she seemed a little less confused and vacant, she even asked a few questions about our family. My brother was there yesterday and she told me that so she remembered she saw him and knew who he was. I am looking into seeing if I can change to a flight for Thursday morning or maybe Wednesday night.
Thank you again everyone.

Anonymous

So sorry to hear about your mother. I went through a similar situation with my mom over 3 years ago. I know being by my mother's side meant a great deal to her even though she may not have known I was there, but I do know it meant a great deal to me.

SandyG

Veteran

I faced a similar situation and my heart goes out to you. It gets visceral with moms. It was immobilizing to try to decide about packing a black jacket as possible funeral wear; a dear cousin had to talk me through it. My brain just balked about thinking ahead. My cousin helped me gradually realize that traveling prepared would help me feel and look better than wishing, hoping and leaving it all to chance. I ached with responsibility but it was a good decision once I finally came to it. And it was a good foundation for all the decisions I had to make shortly afterwards. I felt in control and relatively calm wearing my own clothes and not having to scrounge outfits.

An easy choice was to pack a few things in my mom's favorite colors. The hospital staff appreciated the bits of color and my mom loved seeing them when she was awake. I recommend this from the heart.

Anonymous

At first I thought suz's list seemed very long but I re-read it and it seems perfect, for a week or so.

I hope this doesn't sound crass but if you have to deal with a service, it generally takes 10 days to 2 weeks after death. It isn't like North america, a couple of days. (I was visiting the uk this summer and my gran died unexpectedly there, I had to fly home to Canada for work, kids etc and my mum had to sort everything out, 2 weeks afterwards )

Fingers crossed that your mum was just having a 'peaky' day,

rachylou

Veteran

Wishing you fortitude as well. It's exhausting, I know. I vote for a formal outfit too; it's just useful.

Helen11

Veteran

Gail, I'm sorry you have to make such a trip. Though it's so difficult, I think having a formal outfit in your suitcase would save you one more stress. I hope your mum continues to improve over the next few days.