My friend wants help to update her wardrobe - YouLookFab Forum

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My friend wants help to update her wardrobe

Ana

(website)

Veteran

She is asking for my help, but we're still in the "beginning" stages of our friendship, so I don't feel like I can just say, "Oh girl, this is hideous, get rid of it." You know?

Her style is very tennis shoes, jeans, and a t-shirt. I never brought up anything about her style because I figured she was happy with her look, and it would be rude of me to bring it up since she wasn't asking for my opinion. But now she says she wants to be a little more dressy to work so people will respect her more, and maybe she can move up the ranks. Her dress code is super casual.

How do I go about helping her find her own smart casual style? I don't want to force my style onto her, and I'm not sure she really knows what she likes since she seems to not ever go clothes shopping (she's sort of a tomboy). I was thinking maybe cleaning out her closet is the first step, but after that?

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14 replies

Latest reply was from Antje

Nicole

Veteran

First help her determine her body shape and what clothes and colors will look good on her. Then have her go thru some magazines, catalogs and online stores and show you what she's attracted to. She can just rip out the pages and email you the links.

Then you can talk about the things that she picked out that work for her and why they work for her. And (gently) point out the things that she picked out that might not be good picks...again explain why.

If she still wants to stick with it, and you're so inclined, you can offer to go shopping with her. Oh and tell her about how taking a photo of herself will shed new light on the situation.

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Thanks Nicole, I will try those things, for sure!

My friend said she doesn't want to totally start over in her closet (understandable), she just wants to add a few things to spice up her outfits. I'm not sure what she means as far as spice, I didn't push because honestly I think this whole thing is going to stress her out, since she just e-mailed me and told me she doesn't like shopping (*gasp*), but that she feels like this is something she needs to do. Also, I'm getting the feeling that spending a lot of money on clothing is not something she's ever done (although, I think it's not because she can't afford it, it's just not important). Hmm.....I'm thinking Macy's and shop the sales. Where else would you guys recommend for "less expensive" stuff? Maybe I can get her to come to this one big mall with me so I can stop by Nordstrom's and Macy's and try on those white jackets, hee hee.

I'm going to try to convince her to get a nice pair of jeans, though. I e-mailed her a link to some BR dark denim trouser jeans as an example of how to make denim smart, and she said she couldn't imagine wearing them every day. She has some khakis, she said. They're probably like docker style khakis. Not bad, I'm sure, but not what I would think of as "smart." I wonder how I can convey that to her without hurting her feelings? If she's stuck on khakis, I think I might try to get her to buy some BR khakis or something.

I don't think I'm cut out to be a stylist. I don't know how Angie handles this stress!

Nicole

Veteran

Gap might be a good place to start for affordable stuff. And if you have any off price stores like Marshalls, TJ's, Tuesday Morning...you could try that. I know those places are hit or miss...but if she found one thing that inspired she might want to continue the process.

Also, as a person who NEVER shopped in stores like AT, BR, JC--I felt very unsure of myself when I first went in there. I didn't know the sales staff would come and "start a room" for me. I had no idea what the heck they were talking about when they offered that. It took me a while to get comfortable with the shopping process. The fact that she claims she does not like to shop, tells me she is going to feel the same way I did when she walks into anything scaled higher than marshalls or Sears.

Good luck though--it sounds like you have your work cut out for you, and maybe even a new career path!

Ola

As a beginner to the YLF world, I would suggest not starting with a closet cleanout. It's a little scary and can be depressing too - plus, as you said, she probably doesn't see anything really wrong with her clothes. Trust me, I'm a tennis shoes, jeans, and t-shirt girl that's trying to fix up her wardrobe too.

I think a great pair of jeans is a very good place to start, something in a dark wash and maybe boot cut so it will be versatile for her? Then you can help her get a couple of tops and maybe a jacket, if she's like me she'll need non-tennis shoes too. I'll bet after she wears a couple of nice outfits she will really like the feeling and might put more priority on it.

I don't know anything about your friend, but this is a little about me (may or may not apply). I don't like shopping either - I get frustrated when things don't fit and I never know if I should buy something cause I often don't trust my judgment. I mean heck, look at the things in my closet that didn't work out so great! In short, I think having a fashion-savvy friend there to advise her will really help.

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for the tip Ola! I definitely don't want to overwhelm my friend or make her hate shopping for life. I also want her to find her own style, because I know it's probably not going to be the same as mine, and that's okay. I want her to feel comfortable and happy in what she's wearing, and from what I can get from her, it sounds like she isn't totally that way now, but just wants to add some pieces that will update her wardrobe. I think we will go through her closet with the idea of "shopping it" to make outfits, and then decide what she needs that would make her feel like the outfit was more smart and polished. I'm not going to advise her to get rid of anything at at this point. As you said, maybe if she wears a few outfits that are nicer, she will want to dress that way more often. If she gets more into it, I will definitely send her over here for more help, since all you guys are so great and helped me when I was cleaning out my closet.

Jeans (and shoes if all she has are tennies) are definitely on the list!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Such great advice!

The only thing that I’d like to add is that Rome was not built in a day. It takes a little longer for the penny to drop with some, and if this is the case with your friend, baby steps. But if you sense that there is lots of enthusiasm, push a little harder. Good luck!

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for the comments! Here's an update if any of you all are interested (long post, sorry):

I got a little more detail from her today when we met and she wants to start dressing more nicely to work because although pretty much everyone wears jeans and a t-shirt (she works in tech), it was brought up in a review of one of her coworkers that the management thought her coworker dressed inappropriately for work (too casually). My friend is going to be moving buildings and will be sitting closer to management, and wants to make a good impression. This is a good reason, because I think it will drive her to keep at it.

We started by me asking her what her favorite outfit in her whole closet was, and why it was her favorite. This was helpful, because we figured out that she likes open necklines, and she likes her clothes to be comfortable. And then I asked her to pull out a "nice" outfit she would wear to a meeting with a boss or something. For this she pulled out some brown jeans and a long sleeved teal v-neck t-shirt with a built in cami. So we talked a little about how she felt about this outfit, and what she might be able to replace it with.

The khaki pants were actually okay, welt pockets, and they had shaping and were a good length (ppl), and she had a pair of darkish denim that had ppl and fit her okay, so we decided to focus on tops for this shopping trip, since a lot of her shirts were boxy and unflattering. We figured out that she actually has a very small waist, and that she is a pretty pear that tends toward an hourglass. She is also short waisted. She seemed to think she was a lot heavier than she actually was, and so she wore loose clothes to "cover it up." So I sort of suggested some shirts that I thought would work, ie shirts that were tailored and came in on the sides, but had ruching or draping, or possibly an empire waistline with a flat front to hide her little tummy she had. She liked the idea of that, and so we went to NY&Co and we got this shirt:

http://www.nyandcompany.com/ny.....=cat350008

in the dark brown, since she doesn't like a lot of color. I thought I would introduce that slowly. Everytime I suggested a bolder cool jewel tone (which looks really great on her) she would sort of shy away and say she'd never wear it. So we stuck with the basics for now. I hope the shirt was a good choice for her body type. I thought it looked really cute on her, and she liked it as well. We are planning on finding a great jacket to wear over this top.

Then we went to AT and shopped the sale rack, and we got her a couple of longer V-neck knit tops with long sleeves in blue and one in red (she's picky about what shade of red she likes), and a navy and white printed sleeveless top she really likes, and this, which is my favorite shirt because it just looks like "her" and fit her really nicely:

http://www.anntaylor.com/catal.....ory=Misses

So then we went back to her house and I told her what shirts would go with which pants and shoes that she has, and took pictures of the outfits, which I'm going to e-mail to her and she can print out and put into a book, because she said she can never really figure out how to put outfits together.

All in all, I think it was successful, and she seemed happy with what she got and not too overwhelmed. So, now she has a few things to work with, and next time we go out, we'll look for some really dark trouser jeans (I'm still convincing her on this point), white pants, and also some jackets, because her office is always freezing, so she wears a grey hoodie to work over her clothes right now.

Any hourglass/pretty pears out there that might have some other suggestions for things to buy? I read over Angie's blog about the "pretty pear," but updated specific suggestions for things that have worked for you all would be fantastic.

Thank you!

Nicole

Veteran

Job well done, Ana. I appreciate that you started her off with affordable items. If she has been wearing jeans and tees shirts, she probably has no idea how much stuff costs. I know I was floored when I saw you guys buying $150+ jeans. I choke at $88 in AT!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

WOW! Your friend is a VERY luck girl. Bravo to you Ana for being incredibly supportive and astute. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I thoroughly enjoyed hearing every step of the way. Well done dear girl. You are fab!

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Oh thanks you guys! I learned from the best!

Anonymous

Wow I am impressed with your job well done.

Antje

Veteran

Ana, you are sooo good. Great idea to take photos so she can remember whole outfits. This is something Angie does with clients (I've been one...) and it is super helpful indeed. Sounds like you did really well. I agree with your approach of taking it easy and introducing new things one concept at a time. I'd definitely go soft on the trouser jeans, I think that's a pretty big step (even for someone who already dresses smart-casual; I myself am still getting used to that idea, so I'd go for good bootcuts first.) Does she have a cardi yet? Might be a better first step (re: replacing the grey hoodie) than an actual jacket.

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Thanks everyone!

Antje, I will definitely look for some bootcut jeans for her that are darker rinse and ppl. We did try on several cardigans, but they all looked sort of schlumpy on her, especially with the tops that she picked out, because they are all soft knits and unstructured (she doesn't like shirts with standing collars on them). So for a jacket, I was thinking something that is a little more casual, not a blazer, but still structured. I think a sweater jacket that is a double knit or something might work as well, as long as it has some kind of "crispness" to it. Does this make sense? Do you think this will work?

Antje

Veteran

Makes total sense! She's lucky to have you.