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My evolving, more peaceful relationship with black

Helena

Veteran

One of the biggest style challenges I've had as I've gotten older is my relationship with the color black. Once a no-fail go-to, things started going sour when I got my colors analyzed and it was suggested that this is a color to avoid. I didn't necessarily follow the advice, but I did start taking notice of the effect on black on my appearance, and alas, right they were. With my dark hair and pale skin, what was Snow White-ish at 25 was starting to look a little Morticia-ish at 40 (imho). I do love contrast but the look was becoming too severe for my personal taste.

The trouble was that black had been SUCH a staple for me, I didn't quite know how to move past it. I tried different neutrals and colors, but the cohesiveness I was looking for in my small casual wardrobe was just not as easy to maintain without black. So there's been a lot of back and forth over it for several years.

I think I'm now settling in to a palette that works. Black will still and always be a staple color for me - for shoes, pants, purses, belts, even a few accessories by the face, such as my winter scarf and hat. I know a bit of blush goes a long way, and while black may not be optimal, it's certainly not awful, so when I am drawn to it, I go for it.

However, a wall of black no longer feels good, so I am making changes. In fact, I have been making them somewhat unintentionally for years now. Navy is effectively "my black" for the summer months. Most of my outerwear is now charcoal or ink. My neutral of choice lately is gray. I have yet to replace a black rain jacket, but when I find something suitable in gray I will do so.

I have a black fitted shirt and v-neck sweater that always work for a girls night or date night - I usually wear them with a statement necklace and am always wearing more makeup than usual on these occasions anyway. Same goes for a black blazer, which I invariably wear with a white or striped top underneath (while black alone is taking a backseat, black & white remains a favorite). I am considering selling my black Gemma wrap dress, as I have a b&w one that I prefer on me.

All in all, I think gray makes a good alternative to black - I am finding it as easy to match with things, and almost as easy to dress up (for my purposes anyway). It mixes perfectly with my black pants and shoes. When it feels blah, white perks it up. I am less in love with navy, but I enjoy it with white in summer, so summer is where it tends to stay.

Anyways, that's it - just musing about it! Glad to no longer be so fraught and "either/or" about it. Love to hear anyone's thoughts, similar experiences changing their relationship with a favorite color or other go-to, or anything else!

General

33 replies

Latest reply was from Helena

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I used to be known as the woman in black. That is all I wore. I wasn't even making a statement - just projecting my inner state probably. Anyway, my eyebrows are still more or less black, but the rest of me looks a lot better in blue or white or most any other color. I still like black shoes though. (and black and white even better.)

RobinF

Veteran

I love grey as a neutral with almost anything and am always drawn to it on store racks. But I do find myself going back to black a little bit right now where for a while I wore very little. I think grey seems like a softer contrast, at least with the colors I wear, and I use black when I want a crisper look.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

That is very insightful. Was the only black gothic kid I knew growing up. ,oh boy! I was in black 24/7. My sister challenged me to Chang my style wear some color. I started to shop for color and now I embrace fully the rainbow.

Aziraphale

Veteran

"what was Snow White-ish at 25 was starting to look a little Morticia-ish at 40" -- LOL. That's funny.

Torontogirl, I'm starting to feel the same way. I'm not big supporter of seasonal colour analysis, and I don't really know what "season" I am, but I'd bet money that it's not winter (the only season that's supposed to look great in black). However, I like black. A lot. So I still wear it. I am conscious of the possibility of looking too "hard", though. What looks hard rock on a 20 year old can look a bit "hard rock has-been" on a 40 year old.

To be honest, I think most young people look pretty good in black. I've never bought into this "you shouldn't wear black" nonsense. As we get older it gets trickier, because it tends to reflect the dark shadows on your face -- but honestly, as far as I can see, so does navy blue and charcoal. They're slightly softer than black, but not much.

Peri

Veteran

I've gone through this, but the oddest thing to me is that now I'm back to liking it near my face again. I'm another total Snow White and I followed this same path...loved it young, and it was very striking, then in my 40s started to feel it was harsh and aging. Now I'm 56 and could be totally kidding myself, but I'm starting to think it looks good again. I've even seen pictures that look okay. Often with a scarf, or some bright or pearl jewelry, but somehow I like it better near my face than I did in my 40s. Almost like, so yes I look 56, so what, let's be striking again.

Snow White to Morticia back to Snow White who has grown and aged like a normal woman? Hmmmm.

rabbit

Veteran

Lol I'm another snow white, who is navigating the changes of my face with time. I've thought about going lighter with my hair, but the hairdresser has said that apart from adding highlights (which I sometimes do in summer), it's too deeply color saturated to really go lighter without growing it out fresh.

It sounds like you have found some good workarounds and solutions. I too stopped wearing much black for awhile and leaned heavily toward navy and white instead (charcoal tends to be kinda blah on me, so while I still wear it, I don't add pieces in that color). If anything white has become my most worn neutral and accent, and navy adds a glow to my face.

But black has always been a good color on me, and I had black skirts and shoes I wasn't wearing as much but still liked. So I figured out two ways I really like wearing black this spring/summer.

First, is black in light, gauzy formulations, and feminine details. I bought a sleeveless chiffon top with a gathered neck and bow tie, I have an older skirt with a swishy ruffle on the bottom, and a skirt with black lacy cutouts over a pewter underlayer. Also black showing a lot of skin -- sleeveless tops, or wide necklines, bare legs, etc. helps. I bought this black clutch with blossoming branches which gives me a very springy black feeling when worn with these feminine/soft clothes.

Second is black with texture or pattern in lighter tones. Florals with black backgrounds, a black jacket with pale blue and pearl gray embroidery -- more of a boho or pattern mixing/matching take on black. Basically somewhat similar to these earlier outfits: http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ilver-boho but incorporating some silver and pale blue elements, and a few less patterns.

Kelly & Katie Floral Clutch

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Anonymous

I was never one to wear a lot of black, but I have been veering away from it for the past few years. Now my neutrals are mostly navy, charcoal and soft white. I just feel better without the black. I do have some of it in my wardrobe, but am not drawn to it and have been having a serious debate with myself about whether or not to get rid of all the black. Not sure just yet.

Anonymous

I never used to wear black until a couple of years ago. Basically I think it looks very sharp as a turtle neck or in a leather jacket. I also like watches with a black band. Again, just a bit sharper than the alternatives, IMO.
So my love of black is very item-specific

lisaflex

Veteran

i too am steering away from all black outfits or a lot of black in general. i have a HUGE aversion to black shoes of any type (except boots or booties) and black purses.

navy, gray, taupe, cognac...all better choices for me now adays

Aida

Veteran

YES I have done this experiment as well! Four years ago, I did post a little about it (1 | 2) though mostly it was mentioned in my WIW posts from around that time. I took a full fashion season spring/summer with the goal to lighten up, and as it went on moved to wearing essentially no black at all. Found it very liberating and very informative, though recall panicing a bit when fall came around and I saw my fall/winter wardrobe was full of black

I've stuck with the idea of dressing with less black since then, and am just getting back to wearing more black starting this past fall. Still don't wear it loads but definitely more than I had been. Part of this is because I am in wardrobe rebuild at the "replacing essentials" phase and some of those pieces are black; meaning a larger portion than usual of my best fitting items are currently black! It's been OK for now but I am definitely looking forward to being able to wear more colorful pieces whenever I am able to get to them.

Also initially I started switching my black items to gray items, but found that gray just doesn't quite work the same for me. So instead I've been switching them to WHITE and that makes me feel a whole lot better!

Irina

Veteran

I took an opposite direction. Black was a part of "my colors " always but mostly in pants, shoes and purses. I tinted my hair mid brown and didn't like black close to my face. I didn't have a single winter/fall coat in black for years! But I grew out my hair in its natural mousy brown glory and let gray shine through. Now I wear any color as long as it's black seriously, I love lighter, silvery hair with black. I'm trying to rebuild my wardrobe with black as a backbone. I have some colors to add to a mix - ink, blush, grey, cream. I hunt black items that would serve as essentials. And whites for summer. I think I managed to narrow down my color palette- black and grey for winter and black and white for summer as primary combinations. I crave a simplicity it might provide.

Aquamarine

Veteran

I love black but it doesn't always love me back these days. I have discovered, though, that black with some skin showing is easier to wear. For example, simple black tee shirts in the summer work for me. In cooler weather, a scoop neck black top also works, with my sleeves scrunched.

Black shoes will always dominate my closet. I have very dark hair and it's a no-brainer for bookending.

Helena

Veteran

I have been reading replies all day - thx for your thoughts! Shevia you are gorgeous in blue. Robin, that's a good approach. Ledonna I love that you have always embraced your own style. Az, yea, agree with all your points. Peri, absolutely, why wouldn't our look continue to evolve? Never say never. Rabbit, fantastic ideas. BC, enjoying your color journey. Smittie yes, I am getting more time specific too - I love my black Timex. Lisa, interesting about the shoes ... I know several people who would never wear black shoes, although I couldn't do without them. Aida, going to check out your posts after this! Irina, silver hair against black is so chic. I too love black for its simplicity. Aqua, yes - a great styling tip for black, thx

Joy

Veteran

When younger (and dark haired) I never wore black or looked good in it. Now, with silver hair, I wear it often and my wardrobe would not work without it. Navy is better, but navies can clash.
I look best in sheer black pieces and dull black. I avoid rich and shiny black like velvet. At the same time I have been trying to add to my favorite light neutrals (dove/silvery grey and bone white), especially for cold weather.

Deborah

Veteran

I don't buy into the not wearing black thing (as you know) but it's a personal thing and if you don't think it flatters you then what you are doing sounds perfect.

I quite like the Morticia Adams look... but it's not for everyone

I am wearing more navy and blues but I just adore black *sigh*.

anne

Veteran

I have a lot in common with you. I do love black, but feel now in my 40's that it isn't the best look near my face. I'm not that keen on most greys either (on myselft) - but so much winter clotihing is in either of those 2 colours.

I'm much keener now on adding touches of white or lightness around the face, or wearing black in summer with lots of skin showing.

BrieN

Veteran

I'm with smittie. There are certain classic items that are great in black-but it's item specific for me, too. I also like a lot of the fluid items in black.

Part of my aversion is that out here in the midwest people wear a lot of black straight poly skirts with black flats and a blouse. It's the "I give up" version of the work wardrobe.

Lol I really need a pair or two of black shoes but I just can't bring myself to buy them when there are so many pretty pairs out there.

Sal

Veteran

I identify with some of this TG, although I don't think black has ever been one of my best colours. But I have almost always worn it since I was about 20, in one way or another.

I now often wear it as part of an all black look, which I adore, with maybe one accent somewhere. I wear more in summer with skin - singlet or tank style tops or open necks.

I am less keen on it with denim now - but I do still wear it.

I intend to keep wearing black and enjoying it

Bijou

Veteran

Fellow black lover here. As I age I like the sophistication that black gives. I love mixing different textures of black - matt black skirt, with a black sheer top and a black leather jacket. I have blonde hair and feel that the black puts the focus on my face rather than the clothes that I am wearing. However, I do like colour too and white feels so fresh - so all black is an occasional look for me now rather than the uniform it once was.

Addresschic

(website)

Member

Vegan fashion freaks bring a new trendy clothing style with black color . Vegan is a person or products which do not use any type of animal products. Black color gives a fabulous look and the combo of black and white is always in trend .

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Style Fan

Veteran

I love black. It is sophisticated, rebellious, rock and roll, easy to find, etc. Walk into a store and there is always lots of black. I have gone through phases in my life wearing only black. Black jeans, black tops, black shoes, and then I felt terrible. I am just not great in black.
Black looks amazing on others. Deborah looks amazing in black. I do not.
I think people look better in certain colours than others. You can wear what you want. I also like the Mortia Adams look. What is wrong with that? Black pulls out dark circles that I did not know existed. My lips look purple. The only thing that looks good is my hair.
I have always loved chocolate brown and olive green. My strategy now is to buy high end pieces in these colours when they are in style. Because when they are not in style shopping can be very lean. And my clothes have to last a long time. Try finding a LBD to wear to weddings and fancy occasions in dark brown or olive green.

Helen11

Veteran

I don't think black is a great colour for me. This was confirmed by the lady who "did my colours". However, as StyleFan has mentioned, it's near impossible to find clothing in my preferred colours of browns and greens.
So I am adding black into my wardrobe, a little reluctantly. I do think it's better for me with more skin showing, or statement accessories. I think if I wanted to avoid black altogether I would have to sew my own clothes. I wish I was that clever!

Summer

Veteran

This seems to be a sensible compromise, TG. Given your colouring, I can understand your reluctance to give up black altogether, and I'm glad you have found ways to continue to wear it successfully.

I have had an on-off relationship with black for several years. It was banished for some time, but a little has crept back in, in the form of trousers, shoes and bags. I don't allow it anywhere near my face, though.

Helena

Veteran

Hi all, thanks again to everyone for commenting! The collective wisdom and interest of the group never ceases to enlighten me

Reflecting on all the responses, I think, as Summer says, it's about a sensible compromise. I am such a rule-oriented person, and have swung back and forth between the extremes of all black or no black ... this step is more about softening those boundaries a little, being less rigid and more flexible. It's about giving up that "quest for the holy grail" mentality a little - which, let's face it, is a frustration-maker!

To be clear - my wardrobe would not function without black, and I am past the point of wanting it to! I am not 'against' black, nor do I think anyone should/must give it up, due to age, style, color season, or any other variable beyond one's personal preference (and what's appropriate to the situation, if applicable). For me personally, and for now, a wall of black no longer works.

The drama of "severe" black looks is smashing on many! I also think it would be a shame if someone like Jennifer Aniston gave up her signature easy LBD style. To StyleFan's point, there are times when it just can't be beat.

Deborah, I think I would selfishly be very sad if you ever gave up your black - you wear it so beautifully! (although I'm sure if you DID replace it, you would be equally beautiful).

Thanks all!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I go back and forth - but really I've never had a huge percentage of black in my wardrobe, it was mostly for "dressier" items. That said, I'm wearing a simple black Everlane tee today with a calf hair belt and black sandals and light denim shorts. I like black with light denim (Angie reminded me of this at one point) and that is how I mostly wear it now. I still have a LBD and feel good wearing it. I think I like to have a good amount of skin showing when wearing black to counter the darkness.

Anonymous

I wore more black when navy was harder to come by. Now I can do without black, for all intents and purposes. That said, I have this feeling that if I get rid of my few remaining black clothes, I will regret it, though I wear them so sparingly now that it doesn't make much sense to hang onto them.

Helena

Veteran

BC, can I make a suggestion? Since you are still sort of exploring different aspects of color, it may be worth holding onto some pieces even if they are the "wrong" color ... Even just tuck them out of sight ID you rather. You may find a few "rule breakers" handy to have on hand as you experiment and learn. Just a thought

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I am weary of adding too much black to my wardrobe because it doesn't make me happy (never has). Not even in the '90s.

That said, in very specific wardrobe items, black is best. I LOVE a black turtleneck - it's one of my favourite items in the world. My dressy sailor pants are black with gold buttons. So are my silk harem pants and many lace pieces. And I love wearing black with white.

I LOVE ink blue. I do not own black shoes apart from tall riding boots. My ink blue booties are my "black" booties.

cobalt

I love black clothing, but I love my white dogs more -- so it's grey all the way for me. Hides the fur and the pawprints at the same time!

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