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Love and Style Shifts

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

(via Una from another thread)
This is an interesting topic. How has your personal style been influenced by your romantic relationships?

My boyfriend likes the 'hippy-dippy' look (boho) that was already a strong component in my personal style, and also very feminine looks (pastel colors, ruffles and lace). These were all things that I already liked and wore but when I am out shopping I sometimes see a piece that I know he would like and give it a try. I have also started wearing earrings again (which I hadn't done in years) because he bought me some.

Dressing

19 replies

Latest reply was from Bijou

Ledonna N.

Veteran

It is an interesting topic. I am going to watch this thread closely. I know it has been discussed before on YLF. I remember my answer then clear as mud. I will not shift for a significant other it was a take me as I am type of thing.
It was that way for certain reasons and disappointments with significant others. I was always told what to wear how to wear it and had to change if they did not approve as I became aware of myself and and past relationships ended I found YLF among other fashion sites.

I began to grow bold with my choices and loving them. I dressed for myself and did not have a significant other for a long time. My style was somewhere between tomboy androgyny and warrior queen in shinning armor.

As I settle into a new relationship a healthy and loving one My significant other saw how I dressed and loved it. He is a gifted designer and made our first date night outfits. Hmmm we are a good fit. Slowly but surly I love what he makes for me. I love that he still keeps my edge by softens it and I don't mind the softer me. I appreciate it. I bask in the glow of the love that we share and it is translated through what I may wear.

I hope this answers the question.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What an eloquent reply, Ledonna. (And, so happy for both of you, and you, too Chris!)

Another related question might be, can you fall in love with someone whose style is very different from yours or who doesn't like your style?

I have to say I was not crazy about some elements of Mr. Suz's style when we met -- and he felt the same about me. We are of different generations and that affected our preferences.

But over time we've come to appreciate one another's style a lot more. And he encourages me to experiment, which I love. For example, the controversial culottes were a complete no-brainer to him -- he saw no problem whatsoever with those.

I dress pretty much for myself but if he has complimented me in something I will make a special effort to wear it for date nights. He likes me a lot in sheath dresses, interesting tops, and most types of denim. He isn't crazy about crops on me or anyone, but his eye is adjusting -- as I said, to the point where cropped wide legs strike him as fun.

Diana

Veteran

My husband has flat out admitted that he is afraid to buy me clothes. Our styles are quite different - he has a conservative, preppy style and works in a really sartorially conservative field, although he does have his style moments (his current thing is bow ties and waistcoats - maybe that's my influence...). Anyway I don't really dress for him, but I think he does like most of what I wear. (And maybe is befuddled by some of it...). He compliments outfits but usually won't offer a critical or detailed opinion unless asked specifically. I don't think he's ever said he doesn't like something I wear although I'm sure there are things he likes more than others. He does have a good eye for detail so I do ask about things like fit and flattery sometimes.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

That's an interesting question, Suz. I would definitely say yes. My boyfriend, by has own admission, has no real sense of 'style'. When he dresses himself it is first and foremost for comfort, although as a musician he does realize that he is supposed to maintain a certain appearance on stage. He does pay attention to what I like, and keeps mental note of that. He has allowed me to guide him toward a more appropriate stage wardrobe (to the great happiness of the band leader- it is a swing/rockabilly band and he is expected to look the part on stage). He has also made some input into what I choose to buy and wear, so we are somewhat equal in that. We have very different tastes in many things, but that allows us to expand each other's world and explore together. I think it's a good thing. It would be pretty boring if you liked all of the exact same things!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Good question. We are the same age, grew up in the same city, and have always been drawn to similar styles, so I don't feel like I am curtailed in any way by my partner's style preferences. There are certain things I know he particularly likes, such as rock n' roll boots, so that probably has some influence on how often I choose that sort of thing -- even though I like them already.

You say "romantic relationships", but for me there's only really the one. I have had the same romantic partner for so long now that I don't know how I'd feel if I were with someone else. I don't think my early boyfriends had any influence at all on my style, but I was young and headstrong, and I'm sure I thought that being influenced by a boy would be a sign of weakness! Haha. I dated a law school student once who wore very preppy clothes, which I thought was a bit dorky, but it was sort of cute. I was all grunge, all the way, and he didn't seem to mind. There was also this mathematician I dated, and he liked to tuck his shirt into his jeans, which made my fingers itch. I was always pulling his shirt out for him. (It didn't last).

Supposing I were on the market now, I don't think I would be attracted to someone whose style I actively disliked, but I could imagine liking someone whose style I was neutral about, or who had no style.

Tammyb

It's funny that you posted this....this morning I tried on my new denim culottes with raw edges and my husband did NOT like them. So I showed our 13 year old daughter and she loved them. I took her opinion. What does he know?? I've learned over the past 20 years that he has some crazy notions. When I put my hair back or up, he calls it "cheating" because your hair doesn't "naturally" fall that way. I just roll my eyes and wear what I like.

Echo

Veteran

I have changed my style SO many times over the years, experimenting (sometimes in crazy ways) with different looks. DH has really never said a word; he is incredibly tolerant. No matter what I wear, he tells me I look great. So he really hasn't been a factor in my style evolution. Right now, it is more our location and my job that restrict my style.

As for dating a man with very different style, I've done that and it has never bothered me. I've always been more alternative, but have dated plenty of preppy or business casual men. DH is a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy, and it took me a while to realize that even if I buy him something else, he generally won't wear it. He is who he is, and I can accept that. If he accepts me, the least I can do is return the favor.

As for dating someone who didn't like MY style... well, if they were vocal about it they probably would get an earful, and quite possibly a boot to the curb. I have always assumed that if someone dated me, they were pretty well aware of how I dressed and must not have had an issue with it. It would strike me as controlling if someone tried to change the way I dressed (with the possible exception of giving gifts that leaned more in a direction they were fond of without explicitly saying something).

shedev

Veteran

Yes in some ways and no in others. Overall, Hedev is good with my style. He has 2 issues. He is not loving oversized things, so I'm willing to go a little more figure flattering for him. He also doesn't love excessive distressing, but I do so I'm not giving that up.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

It's really interesting to hear everyone's perspective and experience with this.

rachylou

Veteran

*Ahem.* I have terrorized every boyfriend and would-be boyfriend into sartorial submission.

Since highschool.

*Ahem.*

Lol

Anonymous

I pretty much dress for myself, but do take into account Mr. Xtabay's preferences. He's a math professor, a classic prepster, nothing too trendy for him, whereas I do like to experiment and keep up with the latest. He enjoys seeing what I come up with, and only occasionally gives my efforts the stinkeye or an eye roll. He has reacted quite violently to long cardigans ("frumpy-dumpy") and a couple of boho pieces were given the thumbs-down as being too unclassy. But most of the time he just sits back and enjoys the fashion show. He always asks my opinion before he buys something, so I figure we come out even-steven in this arena. The real trouble begins when we're packing for trips. He's a minimalist and I'm a maximalist. Boy, the fur can fly then!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

DH really leaves it up to me - he will speak up if he hates something, but he doesn't try to help me shop and doesn't have a real sense of style himself. That said, he has learned my style preferences over time and can give valuable input if I ask - which I appreciate!

Angela K

Veteran

As long as I'm happy--DH is definitely happy! (smart man!) but he does have a strong preference for anything calf-hair (Yay!) and anything animal print (Yay again!) and he loves my harem pants (triple Yay!)--so he has an adaptable fashion eye. He is very conservative personally--mostly expressing himself in colorful ties and whimsical socks--we balance each other quite nicely! The only time he is remotely critical of an outfit or style is if I give him a multiple choice question: Does this look flattering, too short or too tight? He might then say well maybe a little short/or tight--but he is usually my best cheerleader. I am very blessed to have him....although sometimes I wonder if I really looked a hot mess if he would tell me! LOL

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, and I also dictate to my bosses... Lol!!

But don't worry: I can do Proper English Banker.

MsMaven

Veteran

I've been married a long time and DH has pretty much learned to keep his opinions to himself. He likes tight preppy, if you can imagine such a thing. I like to follow fashion.

My Dad liked preppy, but I felt it was too masculine for me. His only sister put herself through college as a waitress during the Depression--the only one in the family to get not only a college degree but a Masters as well. She taught PE at our university and was a real jock. She was also an old maid for a long time but got married at age 39. This was in the 1950s.

Anyway, for me preppy=old maid. (Hey--this was a different era!) I realize in the last year that a somewhat preppy influence has a lot to offer my aging body. I've never liked ultra feminine stuff either, but do find a romantic item a nice change.

I do ask DH's opinion about items I'm not sure about. I've gone through a lot of different fashion cycles, which is to say, I've tried just about everything.

DH has no clothes sense for himself. I've upgraded him over the years, but I still have to keep an eye on him when he leaves the house.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I know my DH prefers longer hair so if I'm not sure if I want to cut a chunk off I usually wait. But when I want to cut it I do.
If I can't decide if something is flattering enough I ask him. So his influence is h really mostly as my tie-breaker.

I probably could and should take a little
more influence over his choices but he HATES clothes shopping and is a challenge to fit. He also hates to change clothes once he is dressed. At most I can ask him to change one item.

Anonymous

I respect what my BF thinks. For example, I tend to love the idea of torn and distressed jeans, he is appalled that someone would spend money on "something like that." I respect him enough to sit that particular trend out. I think that is his only really strongly stated dislike. Otherwise he is highly tolerant of all my whims.

akansha

Very interesting topic you have shared here with us, really i like it.

Bijou

Veteran

I like to buy clothing that I know will get the seal of approval from my husband. He has good taste in clothing and design, so I appreciate his point of view. Some items he will say "I just don't get it" - which is fine by me as I do dress for myself and accept that particularly for new for me trends he can have an initial poison eye. However, it is always great to get a "wow, you look great" as those items tend to be favourites.