Left my job... :-( - YouLookFab Forum

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Left my job... :-(

gardenchick

Veteran

This is a great place for support, so I figured I would post this.

I left my job last week....

Thanks for listening.

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36 replies

Latest reply was from Adelfa

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

I watched my ex deal with it. It's hard. I think the most important thing to remember is: you are not this job. You are you. A flesh and blood person, with feelings. It's the hardest thing in the world not to let it affect your self-esteem, and your sense of who you are.

They always say, "it isn't personal, it's business" - and I know it feels like the most personal thing in the world. It feels like a very personal rejection.

You will get through this, keep your chin up! We are all here to listen, and support, and cheer you on!

Stay with your austerity plan. Try to see it as a challenge to be enjoyed, not something punitive. If you thrift, there are some great tips on this blog:
http://thriftandshout.blogspot.....-tips.html

I thrift frequently, and I find that it requires the same thinking as going to the mall: go armed with a list - otherwise you end up spending money on stuff you don't really need or that isn't really right for you, because the price is so good. Dress in something that you feel good about yourself in, but that can be easily removed if you are able to try on stuff. Leave no stone unturned - look through everything. Don't shop on an empty stomach. Have a water bottle or thermos of coffee in the car.

MsMary

Veteran

Oh, Gardenchick! I'm sorry to hear this!

I can't help much with the job issue, but as for spending, I've been on an austerity plan for the past several months and the thing that works best for me is to get really "real" with the finances and keep reminding myself of where those dollars need to go, besides into my closet. Also finding another creative outlet (my house, in my case) is really helpful.

Hugs to you! Hang in there!!

gardenchick

Veteran

LBD and MsMary, thank you for these kind responses which brought tears to my eyes.

Yes, I do feel confused without the protective identity of my former job.

I have never been successful with thrifting. But I will check out the thrifting blog and appreciate the tips. Maybe a chance to develop a new skill here?

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I am sorry you lost your job but honestly I would not want to work for such boss like yours so maybe it is for better. Sometimes we tend to stay in a place which is not right just because it is familiar and requires less effort than looking for a new one - and this is not the best. Now you can focus all your energy into finding what is right for you rather than spending it being unsatisfied with your current job.
I don't have any thrifting advice but shopping your own closet and trying things in unusual combinations may be a good alternative.
Good luck in your job search!

Elle

Veteran

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Losing a job is very difficult. (although you have lots of company). It is important to remember that you are not defined by your job and losing it doesn't make you a lesser person. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to prepare for the next job search. Good luck.

As to thrifting, I do best when I define what I need before I go and hit the thrift stores in better neighborhoods (higher class of castoffs).

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I am also out of work, as is the BF, although by choice. It's not easy either way. Buying what you need vs what you want is a good place to start. And I agree that seeing the job as a means to an end and not a part of you is helpful.
I am at a crossroads where I may shift careers and leave bartending behind if prospects don't line up. It's an interesting place to be, if nerve wracking. As for the shopping, I have a sweater (a few options on the way to choose from) and a hat on the rest of the year's list. All of $50 or $75 or so. That's it. Honestly, if we all had a full year we couldn't shop, we would still be plenty fashionable and current

rabbit

Veteran

I'm sorry to hear this, I know it's hard. I'm sure you are checking out unemployment options. One silver lining is that it's considerably easier in my experience to find ways to save more money when you have more time. On the other hand it has to be balanced with staying focused on looking for the next job.

What has worked for me at times when we have wanted to cut our budget due to job loss or focusing on saving money/paying down student loans is first to try to cut fixed monthly expenses --- so reduce the utility bills, negotiate a lower cell phone, car insurance, and internet rate, cancel any unused services or magazines, etc, anything that is billed regularly.

Second, I look at the largest expenses that straddle the need/want barrier. So this would be things like dining/food. It's actually possible to save quite a lot on household kitchen and bathroom staples through couponing/stocking up, and there are blogs that tell you what to buy and when in your area. Clothing is another one. I primarily shop off-price retailers and thrift, and it does take more time, but it has its own rewards. There are voluntary simplicity/frugal living websites and forums that really help with simplifying and reducing expenses and enjoying the process.

Also perspective is helpful in separating the true needs from the wants. I kind of see it like dieting, you don't want to eliminate all the treats or the tendency will be to want to cheat and splurge, but making systematic lifestyle changes bit by bit can have a longer term effect.

krishnidoux

Veteran

You've had some excellent advice and support here. I would like to join my voice in offering support. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Hugs hugs hugs! What happened is so jarring, I can't imagine how terrible it must feel.

I think you were right to open the conversation with your boss in the first place. It was a courageous, professional move on your part. It sounds that (s)he didn't handle it very well. I hope this experience doesn't deter you from being pro-active like this in the future.

It sounds so harsh to lose your job right there and then from a simple discussion. Do consider fighting back, if there is a way. I don't mean in a confronting aggressive way; just seeking the advice of other people who are versed in working conditions, rights, etc. You can even contemplate consulting a lawyer. Reserve only 1/2 h and prepare a bunch of questions regarding what happens, and what you would like to do. You can consult even if just for knowing your rights in this situation, or how to avoid it in the future. But you could have some surprises.

jenanded

Veteran

One door closes and TWO more open... wishing good things going forward Gardenchick!

Style Fan

Veteran

I am so sorry this happened to you. It is scary to be out of work all of a sudden. It has not happened to me but some of my closest friends have lost their jobs and they struggled afterwards in all kinds of ways. Having lots of support helps.

I am having to make adjustments in my spending because of retirement. I now make lists instead of shopping as a hobby. It has been quite the adjustment.

crutcher

Veteran

I am also of the philosophy of jenaded that the door closes...the window opens..Be prepared for the next scene really soon...
Meanwhile, I am sorry that you have the stress of loosing your job but the job is just that a job...It is not you...Hang in there..enjoy this free time and perhaps do some exploring as to ways to branch and better yourself as you seek the what next...I will be thinking about you...
As to an austerity plan.,..havn't you heard being on an austerity plan is so tres chic...Everyone is doing it..Just have your eyes open for wonderful consignment deals, reduced racks and bingo..you are too too stylish..
Best...

Neel

Veteran

Oh dear gardenchick. Hugs to you. I have no advices ... But sending loads of positive vibes your way and some YLF fairy dust. Hope you find something soon.

Meanwhile .... I am on a shopping break too (for unexpected financial reasons). I would be scoring for sales and may be buy one item a month. Something small just to satisfy the something new urge. I am sure loads of us or on the same boat as you. Keep posting and we will get each other through :). Remember to see the style exchange board here. Lot of lovely fabbers give away their awesome things for very less the original price

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I'm sorry! It is awful to go through, even when you know that ultimately it will be for the better. It's been many years since my last full-time job that I was not self-employed, but I was in the second round of layoffs until eventually a year or so later the company closed its doors. The first people to get laid off got a severance package. My group got none. And this was three weeks before Christmas. So yeah, it totally sucks, to put it non-elegantly but honestly.

It sounds like you're still in the phase of processing the shock. Give yourself some time. Do some things you may have wanted to do but didn't have time for -- extra walking or exercise, cooking, gardening, whatever helps give you a mental break and boost. You'll still have plenty of time to network, work on your resume, etc.

I don't know what field you work in, but I ended up freelancing while I looked for a new full-time gig, and I ended up never going back! Eventually I just started my own business, and I've been self-employed ever since. So, after my experience, I can't help but think that sometimes these unfortunate events are a blessing in disguise to help nudge us down a better path than that old dead-end job!

I'm sending good wishes -- I know you'll find something better!

Beth Ann

Veteran

So sorry! I'm not full of great advice, but I would encourage you to build a foundation of good self care --- sleep, nutrition, exercise, time with friends. For me, that includes prayer and spiritual development, too.

For your style, I'd encourage you to play in your closet a bit. Can you find new combinations for existing options? New outfit formulas or color combos proportions? A fresh look at your accessories?

It's a good time to focus your dollars on a good haircut, particularly when you think you might be interviewing for a new position.

Best wishes and blessings on you. I hope a new, more satisfying direction becomes clear soon!

SW Ann

Veteran

Back in 1985 I was laid off the week before Thanksgiving....and we were one year into buying a new home. I had had a really bad feeling that it was a possibility and it worked out for me. Still, it's a shock to the psyche as well as the budget, so I am so so sorry for you.
Give yourself some time to go through the mourning for this change that was not of your own choice.....
I do believe that things work out when we are forced out of our ""comfort zone" even when we know that zone wasn't very good....
I will keep you in my thoughts ....Keep an open mind and heart; the right thing will come along when it's time....Meanwhile, take good care of yourself!
((hug))

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm sorry, Gardenchick. It's an awful situation to be in. You need time to lick your wounds, process what has happened, and come up with Plan B. We are here to support you if and when you need it. Hold those dear to you a little closer too. Hang in there. xo

gardenchick

Veteran

Again, thank you SO MUCH for all these caring comments. This is a great group to bring any challenge, clothing related or otherwise!

I have been thinking a lot recently about compassion vs. judgement. Something that is special about this group is that there is so much compassion...for every body type, person figuring out their style...or going through a change. It's pretty amazing, and something that the world needs more of!

Yes, I am still processing the grief and shock of losing my job. Some of that involves great self-care, which has been a bit lax now that I'm out of my previous routine. My goal of this week is to schedule in more consistent daily exercising, which will be centering. I've also been meaning to incorporate a mediation practice.

My job wasn't the right fit...in the big picture I know that a lot of good will come from making this change. I've already started a learning journey and had some stimulating conversations that could lead to some great possibilities. When I'm able to put my fear aside, there's some excitement too.

Thank you for the practical ideas about budgeting. As tough as this is, it could also be an opportunity to be more conscientious about our finances overall. In other of words, to grow up a little.

One more thing related to dressing -- I haven't changed out my whole wardrobe, but I do feel like I could dress more casually....e.g. wool trousers then, jeans now. All of this is part of the abrupt identity shift I've just gone through....and I now wish I had more casual clothes! (But...austerity plan, austerity plan!) I'm figuring this out. Thanks to each of you for chiming in with support and wisdom.

Isabel

Veteran

I am so sorry. I have never been in your position. I cannot imagine. I did work for a place one time that if you ever brought anything up like that, it was grounds for firing. And firing they did. It is unhealthy to live like that everyday...but it is not any healthier to have no income . : (

I have, however, been in a situation where we had to cut back significantly. I quit my job while pregnant with my second child and our income was halved.

All I can suggest is don't shop for anything except necessities and maybe an "experience" ...like dinner or lunch with a friend who is really uplifting. That is worth the price if you can swing it. Also, since you don't know the direction that you will be going in and therefore don't know what you may need for a new job, I would definitely wait in order to have the money for clothes for a new job.

Good luck !!!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Just a thought on the wardrobe front - maybe mix enough casual with the dressier to effectively dress it down for now? Can you put a tee shirt and flats with the wool trousers? Jeans with a button front blouse. Etc.

Echo

Veteran

I agree with the others that a big change in your life is always painful, even when it is for the best in the end. That does not make things any easier in the interim, though.

As for clothing, I would wait it out for a while. The last time I had a major change in my life I went out and effectively bought a whole new wardrobe. However, not only my job, but my whole identity was in flux, so many of the things I bought didn't feel like "me" any longer once I settled into the change. It was a colossal waste of money and effort.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Gardenchick, you are currently going through one of the scenarios that figures in my nightmares, so I wanted to offer my sincere syympathy and support. I don't have any of the first-hand wisdom that the ladies here have offered, but did want to say that you seem to be doing all the right things - adjusting your spending, seeking silver linings, establishing a support network, looking ahead rather than behind. I do know that some organizations value honesty and integrity more than others, so some of your like-minded coworkers may be well-placed to connect you with employers who will be more appreciative of your communication style. I agree with Krishnidoux - your approach was very courageous and professional, and just because you weren't rewarded for it this time doesn't mean you won't be down the road.

Best of luck with everything. Please let us all know if there's anything we can do. *hugs*
Your reply

Desmo April

(website)

Veteran

That sucks and I'm sorry.

I'm still going through it. My industry is seriously contracting and it's tough as a (god, I hate to say this) middle aged woman. Full time work has been scarce but I've lined up some freelance. Luckily, my closet has been in good shape because shopping has been minimal to nonexistent.

It's helpful to really dig into your closet and evaluate everything. Figuring out what is absolutely essential allows you to be focused when you do shop. My prior job, I was there for 11 years, was anything goes so I have a lot of smart casual stuff I can wear daily. I do make sure I am ready to interview and I can get through at least a week in a more formal job.

My best tip for saving money is cable. They will almost always cut your bill if you threaten to leave. We were actually going to drop cable and just go with netflix but they cut our bill by about 70$ a month.

Hang tight and take care of yourself.

Sal

Veteran

Sorry to hear about this Gardenchick. As usual (NZ time zones) I am late to the thread and you have already had lots of excellent advice and support.

In terms of fashion and clothing I would put my energies into grooming and nails...When I am on a budget or away or for whatever reason don't have the outfit I would want to wear, I make sure my hair is at its best and my nails (at least toenails) are painted. I will wear a great lipstick and stride out confidently. I am talking about DIY rather than salon costs, although this can be a good boost depending on finances.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

So sorry to hear you are going through this, but I echo everything Krishnidoux said; you made the right choice in initiating that conversation and eventually things will work out for you. In the meantime, it is hard to undergo a transition like this, and doubly hard when it involves financial constraint and worry. Big hugs as you negotiate this passage!! I know you will do it in grand style.

bj1111

Veteran

you've identified that this job is not the right job for you. it's hard to leave a paycheck though. perhaps your boss did you a favor by forcing you to address the issue of what you would really like to do instead of the job that you had. now is exciting and nerve wracking and depressing and back to thrilling. you will come out on the other side with a better sense of who you are and who you want to be. everything else is fungible.

the forums at mrmoneymustache.com are a treasure trove of money saving ideas as well as possible jobs including how to segue from one industry to another. let us know how it goes. we're pulling for you.

gardenchick

Veteran

Thanks for each of these replies. So appreciate each of you taking the time to send over support and hugs, commiseration, or tips for frugal living!

It was a shock to lose my job (and so abruptly!) but I had known for a while that it wasn't the right fit. Leaving this job, as much as it feels like a loss, opens up new possibilities. That part is exciting.

I have a good amount of support from friends and also a career coach and potentially also a "spiritual coach" to work with me. So I am hoping that this is a time for reflection and the opportunity to move in a great directions.

Having a different orientation towards our budget is hard. I have so many ideas about how to spend money! Would be interesting to shift that and think about coming up with and following through on ideas to save money...

MsMary

Veteran

Gardenchick, one of the things I've done for years is track every penny in and out of my life. I use MS Money, which was discontinued some time ago, but you can use Quicken, or one of the many online apps. I like You Need a Budget (http://www.ynab.com). It costs $60 but you can get a one-month free trial to see if you like it. Once you know where your money is going it's easier to boss it around and make it go where you want it to. Mint.com is another good one that will let you look at all your accounts in one place.

Also, when you're ready, shop all your regular bills. Look at the cable, for sure, and also shop your insurance coverages and see if you can get a better price for the same coverage elsewhere. Or maybe you can raise your deductibles and save some money that way. Go over those credit card statements and see if you're paying for anything you're not using. Never use Netflix? Cancel it! And so on.

You can do this! Hugs!!

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

sorry to hear that, luv! if you saw my posts, you know that I just left my job out of my own accord because my former boss was horrible-bully and verbal abuser and it was taking a toll on my health-my blood pressure was high, I was getting horrible migraines and anxiety attacks. It was for my own self preservation. The reason why I put it off for so long because I was afraid of being left with no income. Mind you, my husband works so I wouldn't be homeless and hungry but I am very independent and its a big blow for me to ask my husband for money.

I went through several weeks of worrying so I know how you feel. Important part is that now you have to make peace with what happened and move forward. If you were fired, in many cases you can still collect unemployement-call your local office to find out. In the meantime, try not to stress out and take time for yourself to take walks, exercise and think of plans for the future. Think of it as good-change is not always expected but its not a bad thing!

Many of us have been where you are and important thing is to move on. Not get stuck dwelling on what could have been. You know what I mean?

Sending hugs to you:)

jackiec

Veteran

I'm so sorry about your situation, gardenchick. Please take care and know you are thought of and supported here.

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