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deb

Veteran

Menopause. I just read this article and it resonated so much with me. I was done with menopause by the time I was 40. I had none of the talked about symptoms except I was crazy. I did not know really what menopause was about other than the bleeding stopped and I looked forward to that. All of the doctors that help crazy people never even considered the physical state my female parts were going through. Maybe that is because it was 20 years ago. Anyway, this article has truth, wisdom, and humor in it. It is also it is very long so be prepared. I hope you older ladies enjoy it, you younger ladies learn from it, and those caught in the middle find some understanding.

http://www.thewomensroomblog.c.....menopause/

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18 replies

Latest reply was from Aziraphale

Gaylene

Veteran

Thanks for a great read, Deb! I particularly loved this insight:

"As we start to exit “womanhood” we need again to redefine it. The curse. The change. These old words come up as some seek a power grab in the realm of the spiritual, too often the substitute for real power. Serenity can’t possibly be a bad goal, though I don’t see so many middle-aged men seeking it. Instead, I prefer Angela Davis’s take on the serenity prayer: “I’m no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I’m changing the things I cannot accept.”

Menopause makes us impatient. This is good. Women my age won’t just melt away and we won’t become invisible. It’s a fight for sure, but then it always is. Womanhood and femaleness, born or made, is nomadic. That place we call home shifts so much over the course of a lifetime. In this movement lies some knowledge that may scare us as much as it may set us free."

Good to know I'm not alone in thinking post menopause is a time for women to assert their power, not hide behind a mask of eternal girlishness.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Sniff- Thanks Deb!
I loved this- glad to know that I am not the only 'enraged' middle-aged woman out there.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Love it thanks LOL funny too.

Laurie

Veteran

Thank you. ( And don't even get me started on the topic that no one wants to discuss!)

Aziraphale

Veteran

I liked this article right up until this line:

"what does it mean to be a woman who, having served her purpose – reproduction – may have another kind of life?"

Reproduction is our "purpose"? What? F*** that noise. It really bothers me that some people seem to genuinely feel that women are defined by their capacity to bear children. I thought we had moved past all that.

How can we expect equality when we see childbearing as our "purpose"?

Anonymous

I agree with Aziraphale. Having a purpose in life shouldn't be defined by having children.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

LOL If reproduction is a woman's purpose in life, I am a dismal failure. I'm with you, Elisabeth.

Not having a uterus has made my life SO much better. I don't even know where I am in the menopausal timeline, but it's better than having the symptoms of fibroids, that's for sure. Maybe I'm just lucky or maybe I'm not truly having the brunt of the hormonal change yet (I seem to have what I call "warm flashes" rather than hot, and I'll gladly take that), but I'm determined that menopause will not change who I am. I've read so many dramatic pieces about menopause that I think sometimes women can get psyched out that it will be a miserable, awful experience.

That said, there are some good points and messages in that piece. My husband doesn't even like to broach the subject, but it's a reality that he's having to get more comfortable with it. I think it has helped that so far, I'm just as active -- and happier -- than I was a few years ago.

Gaylene

Veteran

Interesting. I took that remark as a tongue-in-cheek, satirical comment on a woman's supposed "role" in society. To me the argument the author is trying to make was that a woman past her child-bearing, child-rearing years can play an important role in society if she is willing to find "home" in the world around her Instead of just her family. By actively seeking ways to improve what she sees around her, a menopausal woman doesn't need to accept the notion that she becomes redundant and invisible as soon as she lacks the power to procreate. Nor does she need to spend time and energy finding ways to "sex-up" her menopausal state to keep herself relevant.

It seems to me the argument the author is making is exactly the view that is being expressed here--that a woman's function in society is not just in her ability, or willingness, to bear children.

deb

Veteran

Aziraphale, I understand where you are coming from but I believe this is what she is feeling and the rest of the paragraph addresses what others may feel.

"Having lost enough friends along the way, I know this but I can’t avoid the questions: what does it mean to be a woman who, having served her purpose – reproduction – may have another kind of life? We may not define ourselves by our reproductive organs, whether we have children or not, but we are defined by them. Whatever your opinion about your role, your sex, your gender, your identity, your biology, your destiny, something is physically happening. If one enters “womanhood” with menstruation, now you are exiting it. A predator whose bones are thinning is a woman to be feared. A woman whose ovaries no longer do what they should do is somehow ungendered and possibly disgusting."

deb

Veteran

Gaylene, you expressed my feelings about the piece very well. I also believe that biologically and in the context of being part of the animal world the purpose of both males and females in all species is to reproduce. Of coarse this take us back to basic Darwinism.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Huh. Well, maybe I read that wrong.

Isabel

Veteran

Great article, thank you ! I think that not only women don't really understand it, doctors don't either. My "onset" was rapid and in one day. I had to have a hysterectomy because of my breast cancer. I was not in perimenopause before hand. Though I had been on anti estrogen treatments for over 2 years when my oncologist decided I had to have it done. Anyway, weird stuff. Confounding stuff. Big belly ! LOL But my doctors, including a an endocrinologist really had very little to say about it. The endocrinologist actually said, " The truth is that this is all a black box for us. "

Gaylene

Veteran

Chiming back in again because I think this article is really trying to grapple with the cold reality all women face when our Darwinian purpose as females is finished--the frustration we feel living in a society that deems the state of our uterus as being the most important element of femaleness. Once my uterus is no longer functional, or in existence, do I become a sub-female whose value is somehow lessened? Doctors, endocrinologists, fashion designers, and any other interested parties seem to focus on what they can do to help me either simulate or fake my former state or, even worse, try to help me accept my "diminished" state "gracefully" and with "serenity". As Isabel says, the "black box" is just too unsettling to contemplate.

deb

Veteran

OMG Isabel, 'the black box'. I almost spit out my tea. When I was 49, I started bleeding again. Well actually hemorrhaging. So my gyn cauterized my uterus. He and I got along really great and discussed many aspects of his work. He told me doing the cauterizing process was sort of fun, just like coloring on the screen from pink to black. Yup, I had a black box for awhile until I started bleeding again and he took out the "diseased organ'. His words.

deb

Veteran

Gaylene, you are so right. The world wants to make us 'whole' again.

Runcarla

Veteran

Thanks Deb. Though I have signs and symptoms of 'the change', Grandmother sends me roses monthly. I have no idea when things will change up - the story from the senior females in my family is one of surgically induced menopause in their 40's.

In 2 months I qualify for the seniors discount at my local pharmacy. I'll get 20% off my purchases. I wonder if I'll get carded when I'm buying 'feminine hygiene products'?

FWIW, I do sense a certain invisibility in greater society (whether I cycle or not), but as an introvert, I don't really mind. I'm relevant to the folks who matter.

Helen11

Veteran

Thank you from a younger lady, working with older ladies. As they say, all this you have to look forward to......

Aziraphale

Veteran

Insightful comments from all of you. I think I might have been a little touchy the day I read the article. I may be minus one uterus, but my ovaries don't seem to have got the memo, and I still get PMS, dang it.

One comment in response to Gaylene's point about how interested parties focus on what they can do to help women simulate their former state -- I've no doubt what you say is true, but in defence of GPs and endocrinologists, isn't some of that to help with bothersome menopausal symptoms? I'm not in menopause myself, but I've talked to enough women who have been through it to know that the symptoms can be pretty gnarly.