Jeans woes - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Jeans woes

Astrid

Veteran

I have one pair of bootcut jeans on my list and I wanted to try for a dark solid wash. I was at our local denim store today and I was persuaded by the SA to buy a pair of dark wash Levi's that were quit expensive for me. They are slight bootcut. I thought they looked okay in the store and although I generally tend to feel a bit uncomfortable in jeans I bought them. I'm just never sure, even if they supposedly look great.

Now I had them on at home and some pics taken by my sister and I feel abolutely horrible with them on, so huge and bloated... I don't even want to post the pics.

My mum likes the jeans and was glad I bought them, since she doesn't like it when I only wear skirts. For her it's 'extreme' and somehow not normal. Everybody should like to wear jeans and trousers, right? I think I'm going to return the jeans regardless, even if I probably get some flack about it.

I don't know if I'm irrational, but I feel so uncomfortable in them, not fab at all. I normally feel alright about the weight I gained, but now I'm feeling frustrated. And I feel like no matter how long I search, I won't find jeans that fit and flatter. My last two jeans purchases were compromises and I haven't worn them much, but they also weren't as expensive as the ones I bought today. I think you have seen maybe two WIWs with me in blue denims and both times I've felt a bit insecure all day long.

Sorry for me wallowing in self-pity, but I don't know what to do! Maybe I should just say goodbye to the idea of owning a pair of jeans and invest in one more skirt instead.

Dressing

27 replies

Latest reply was from Astrid

ButterflyLady

(website)

Veteran

Sending you a hug, Astrid, because you sound so down.

I think it's fine if you want to wear skirts more than jeans and trousers - that's your style. Definitely take the jeans back, if they make you feel uncomfortable and you don't even want to post pictures then you will never wear them.

There may be some jeans out there that you will like, but I think you maybe have to accept that it will be a long process to find them.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Astrid, please return them. You are not irrational. And you are not alone. What you describe is textbook bad fitting jeans. No one can know this better than you, who is wearing them. That is why jeans shopping, like bathing suit shopping, is so trying.

My advice is to change the stores where you are shopping. Go for one level above, a store that has designers working for them, such as Guess, Talbot, Jones New York and the likes. You will be surprised. Go there if only to try on, nothing more, just to see. It is more expensive, yes, but not in the long run. The jeans will last you years and you will love to wear them, and you will be able to wear them in different settings. As opposed to an ill-fitting middle-of-the-road brand that you will end up having to replace after a year or less because of lower quality fabric and cut. I have jeans I bought in such stores in 2000, and they still look almost new, and timeless. They came so handy in dire times when I had to quickly look pulled together, cool and had "nothing to wear".

You don't need to suffer!

Another solution would be to buy one size above and have them tailored to your body; but beware of the cost of tailoring in that case. Added to the actual cost of the jeans it might mount to more than a designer jeans, or the same; yet maybe the lower quality jeans might be of lower quality fabric, which might not justify investing so much in the tailoring, as these days lots of lower quality denim tend to distend very quickly.

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks, both of you!

ButterflyLady, you're right - I won't wear the jeans if I don't even want to post pics. They are definitely going back! I think I just have to remember that I need to be patient. And that nothing is wrong with me, but with the jeans.

krishnidoux, that's good advice. I'm in Europe so I have to look what stores could be a possibility, but I think going one level above is wise. I normally try so many things on, just to go home with nothing and being okay with that. I don't know why I didn't say no to the SA today. Maybe because I'm so unsettled when it comes to jeans. I'll definitely heed your advice and try some other stores, even if I don't buy anything.

ButterflyLady

(website)

Veteran

Do you have Gap, Astrid? I find the SAs here (I'm in the UK) are very helpful, and lots of people here love their jeans. Or maybe going to a department store that stock the more expensive denim, and trying various jeans on (I need to do this, too).

louisea

You should absolutely return the jeans!! Remember clothes should make you feel FAB and it sounds like the new jeans do not fill the bill. I think if clothes make you feel bad about your body they have no place in your wardrobe!

If you want to own a pair of jeans, keep searching! It might take a while but hang in there. Did you try a variety of cuts? Bootcuts are 'classic', but there are lots of options out there. I see that you are a 'pretty pear' shape, have you considered wide leg or trouser style jeans? I think they are are both femine, elegant and classic styles (from you list!). You might find them flattering for your body type because they create a long leg line.

And, if you are happiest and feel most fabulous in skirts forget about jeans for a while and rock your skirts!

Astrid

Veteran

No, no Gap here. They closed in Germany after a short time (2004 I think?), the profit wasn't high enough. I'll try an upscale department store, we have some of these in Berlin.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Astrid, it is not easy to find a great fitting pair of jeans but do not despair! I did not even own a single pair of jeans until I was 37! As you I did not feel fab in those few I tried and gave up pretty soon. But believe me there are great jeans for your body out there, it just takes time to find them but when you do you will know in a heartbeat that they are the YOUR JEANS.
I second what Krish said: look for more expensive better brands - they fit much better and hold their shape longer. Angie has some posts on jeans brands for curvy female body so you can look for brands there. So far I found that Paige jeans fit me the best from premium denim - I don't even need to take the waist in. From less expensive brands CJ fy Cookie Johnson is a good fit for me too.
Return the jeans which do not make your heart sing - they are not worth you.

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks, louisea! You're right, clothes shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. I tried different cuts, yes. Or what passes for different cuts at the stores I normally frequent. I know that skinny jeans and straight legs don't look so good on me (other than skinnys tucked into boots), so bootcut was the alternative. Wide leg or trouser styles were conspicuously not available. They might be worth a try though! Maybe in one of these departement stores.

I'll rock me skirts like you haven't seen before!

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks, Sveta! It's good to know I'm not the only one who's having problems finding fab jeans. I'll go look up Angie's post.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Astrid, sending a big hug your way.

In my twenties I had definite pear tendencies and could NEVER find jeans I liked that fit me; back then they didn't come with stretch and the whole experience was so mortifying. I thought there must be something wrong with my perfectly normal body. I never even thought of getting them altered. Duh...

I did what you do. I wore mostly skirts. People teased me about always being "dressed up" but I just learned to take it in stride as much as I could. I wore a lot of A-line skirts and gathered skirts (which were "in" then) to show my waist.

Take back these jeans and follow the advice of the others here. You deserve a perfectly fitting pair. Your mom is right in one sense; it IS really useful to have a pair in your closet, and honestly, once you find a pair that fit well you will feel great in them and find them a versatile and helpful addition to your wardrobe. But until then, do not be pushed into any that don't feel right to you.

Hang in there!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Astrid, sorry you're feeling so frustrated and down about the jeans -- it's awful how we can let these things get to us!

For one thing, don't feel bad if you simply decide jeans are not for you right now -- you have your own unique style, and you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to use a particular type of garment.

That said, I think your perfect pair of jeans is out there! I struggled with jeans for a long while because I tend to carry more weight in my hips and thighs, and so many jeans are cut close in the thigh. I would find jeans that fit me in the hip and thigh, and the waist and butt would be too baggy! I found David Kahn and Kut from the Kloth were very good brands for my body type, and I have DKs that are five years old and still going very strong, although they're now big on me.

Earlier this year I dipped my toe in the waters of premium denim with my purchase of a pair of Paige jeans, and they made me feel truly fab in a way no jeans had before! I now have three pairs of Paiges (I wear jeans very frequently from September through May).

I'm not sure what brands are available to you there, but i just wanted to give you a little info and encouragement. Good luck!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Astrid, what size are you? I have an adorable pair of dark wash trouser jeans that are now a little too big on me.

Lynne

Veteran

Astrid, I have never found Levi's to be a good fit for my curves. I've had great success with Mac, Gap Curvy, Lee Marion bootcut, and Only, all of which are reasonably priced. It's not your fault the Levi's don't fit; even when I was a size 36 I couldn't wear them; I think they just suit straighter figures. And there's no reason why you should wear jeans if they're not your thang - I have several friends who don't own any, and who add thick tights and boots to their skirts in the winter.

Naughty jeans, go back to the store :).

Sowmya

Levi's never ever fit me! I got a pair from French Connection recently and it fit like a glove and I could have cried!!

Hug! Do return them and get yourself a pair that you feel comfortable in - don't find one, skirts and dresses are awesome!!

Irene

Veteran

Hello, Astrid. It was hard for me to understand one of my friends when she told me she felt uncomfortable in jeans, because I literally live in denim pants. However, I've encountered some other women who feel uncomfortable in jeans. I don't know if it's just a coincidence, but they normally have larger thighs (they are pear-shaped) and one of them has sensitive skin issues too, so they feel better in flared pants made of softer and somehow fresher fabrics so that the fabric doesn't rub their skin. Also, my best friend, who is super pear-shaped (big thighs, tiny waist), is wearing a lot of chinos now, which look very flattering on her, make for a more stylish and mature look and make her feel nice and comfy

If you really want to wear jeans, I'd try many brands until you find yours. For instance, I just can't wear anything made by INDITEX (aka ZARA, Massimo Dutti & Alli), but MNG jeans feel and look pretty ok -thpugh not all of them. High-end brands are too expensive for me, but if you can afford them, you could certainly try and see. Definitely return the Levi's, I feel you are not going to wear them anyways.

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks, Suz! Yes, I think a perfectly fitting pair would be useful. I already told my mum that I'm going to return them, she was a bit perplexed, but she didn't say anything.

Thanks, Janet! I think the fact that I feel a little bit like I HAVE to wear jeans is mostly the reason why I was frustrated. Jeans play a big part in many casual and stylish outfits and most people have them. Maybe it's the tought that if so many people need and use them they have to be indispensable, right? Well I know they aren't, but I'm going to try to find a pair anyway. Oh and I'm a size 30/31/32 (depends on the brand) and I am most of the time between 30 and 32 in the length (also depending on the brand).

Thanks, Lynne! I'm going to try to look out for some of these brands. I mostly wore (multiple) thick tights, boots and skirts in the last two winters. And we had a long and cold winter last year! I think I was actually freezing less than before, when I wore (badly fitting) jeans.

Thanks, sowmya!

Airin, that's really interesting, I have skin issues too (neurodermatitis). I never thought about it before, but maybe that's part of the problem. I like the look and feel of Chinos, but the ones that are in the stores right now often have (problematic) pleats and I think the cut looks often a bit comical on me. I not only have bigger thighs but also a bigger bum and somehow this always results in some weird stretching and pulling...

I'm going to return the Levi's on Monday, thanks again for all the encouragement!

ironkurtin

Veteran

Hi Astrid! There is nothing like an ill-fitting pair of pants to destroy self-esteem. I second the opinions here - do not settle until you feel wonderful. And if you never feel wonderful, then nuts to jeans. Wear what you like!

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

I am very glad to hear you're returning those jeans! no clothing should make you miserable!

I'm 49 and have NEVER found a pair of comfy standard jeans. i'm an hourglass, so i always must alter the waist. The big problem for me is that the fabric is so rough and tough, and the seams and rivets realllly bite into some of your most sensitive anatomical areas. Now that i have nerve damage in one leg it's that much more painful.

I DO love the look of denim, though! here's some of my work-arounds. Denim jackets are cute and handy and give that same touch to an outfit. Denim skirts (especially pencil or straight cut) do similar duty. I've found that cargo, safari-type, and military/utility pieces (esp. in khaki or olive drab) play a very similar role to denim in smart-casual looks.

But when only a pair of jeans will do, try these tips: a lighter-weight denim with stretch is much gentler on the bod (and will not bag out much with wear, either). IMO, 4% spandex of lycra makes denim just as light as air on my legs - but it still looks like denim!!! Another alternative is to get RTW jeans tailored or have jeans made for you from the ground up. I sew, and have been working on this project a few months now (i spent that time researching various jeans patterns on the web). I chose my pattern, have done tissue-fitting and now need to buy some 4% lycra denim!

You might also consider taking a look at some 'trouser jeans'. The cut is more like, well, trousers, so it's not as tight and there'll be less chafing and pulling. They might add 'that denim touch' you're looking for in some outfits.
http://tinyurl.com/3kvhlq5

Astrid, hang in there! i could SO empathize with your whole story....just nodding my head the whole time i was reading it. Good luck going forward!!! steph

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

"spandex OR lycra"

holy moly. steph

Diana

Veteran

Astrid, there's nothing wrong with wearing skirts and dresses all the time! Definitely return the Levi's if you don't feel fab in them.

That said, if you do want to continue trying for jeans, I highly highly recommend going to at least try on some premium denim. Like others have said, fabric quality makes a HUGE difference in how jeans fit and feel. In my opinion, Levi's tend to be rather stiff and unflexible, which some people like but does not work for me. The biggest difference in my opinion between premium and non-premium is fabric quality - this is of course a blanket statement and there will be exceptions, but I think it would be a good idea to go to a big higher end department store and try on a bunch of premium brands. A lot of times the premium brands will make the same fit in multiple fabrics that feel and fit differently too. That way, at least you'll know what shapes and fabrics you like, and you might be able to hunt down cheaper ones at other stores. (Personally, I buy most of my premium denim at discount stores like TJ Maxx, where you have to obviously do more hunting, but I can usually get them for non-premium prices.)

For non-premium brands, I do have a couple of pairs of Kut from the Kloth that fit me (I am also a pear) very well, although they are not as luscious as premium denim. I also like Lucky's Sweet N Low style (in the softer fabrics).

Kari

Veteran

Astrid, I wish I could give you a hug right now. I can so relate to this thread. I've gained a lot more weight than my doctor or I would have liked in the past couple years, and I've always been squishy around the hip/midsection, plus my high rise and very short waist complicate jeans/pants fitting even further.

As you've probably seen from my WIW posts, I wear skirts or dresses almost all the time, and my very casual family members sometimes tease me for being so "dressy", or comment that they wish I'd wear pants more often. Over a year ago I made a decision that I would no longer bother trying to shop for pants (non-denim) - work trousers, cords, etc - as the fit issues are so problematic, and the fit changes dramatically with even the slightest bloating or weight gain/loss - and essentially because I was tired of coming home from pants shopping trips feeling despondent and depressed about my body. In contrast, skirts and dresses hug my curves and make me relish and celebrate my shape. I have a closet FULL of pencil skirts in various colors, but they get SO much wear. Basically, pencil skirts are my equivalent of work trousers!

Jeans shopping is still not easy for me, but because denim can be more snug-fitting than trousers and often has a bit of stretch built in, I've had better luck in that area. Particularly, I've been successful with Kut from the Kloth skinnies and straight-leg jeans, Jag Lucy bootcuts (though I haven't tried the "new Lucy" cut yet), and Gap Real Straight and Long & Lean jeans. I haven't gone the premium denim route and don't know that I ever would. I've tried on premium denim at stores several times and have never felt a cut that I liked, even in brands that are supposedly better suited to curves (like David Khan), and the denim fabric really didn't feel all that much superior to the Kut from the Kloth or Jag jeans that I already owned. *shrug*

I actually forgot that you are in Europe, so I'm not sure if any of these brands would be available for you, but I wish you luck. Please do not hang on to those jeans if they make you feel unattractive when you wear them! You are so beautiful and deserve to wear clothing that makes you feel confident.

Lisa

Veteran

Sorry to hear of your jeans woes. I wear them all the time and it was a large project to find a brand that worked for me. In the end, the materials made a big difference. I like the Joe's brand, because their jeans are soft to the touch. A number of brands I tried were too scratchy for me, which also meant they did not "give" a little with usual up and down monthly weight issues.

If you do not feel like "you" in jeans, then take a break. It's fine to wear all skirts if that's what you like best. I have such fit issues with skirts, I rarely wear them. When I want to show leg, I find dresses easier to fit on myself. Perhaps if you really like the idea of jeans, you can try trousers instead as another option?

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks, everybody!

Steph, I love your suggestions of what to use as work-arounds! The denim jacket is a no-brainer and a denim skirt would certainly be a nice alternative. I actually have a denim pencil skirt, but I haven't worn it much. I think a denim a-line or straight skirt would be more useful. The safari and utility style would be a new thing for me, but why not? Maybe in small doses. I can see how it would have a similar effect.
Making your own jeans, that's so awesome! I wish I could sew. I'm thinking about asking for a sewing machine for Christmas, but I'll have to make baby steps then! I'll definitely try to find these trouser jeans styles, they look like they could work. It's not a style that's very present in the stores over here, at least I don't think so.

Diana, thanks for your suggestions! It's a great (and oh so simple) idea to look for cut and fabric seperately. I never thought to experiment with this.

Kari, thank you! Yes, I noticed that you mostly wear skirts and dresses. And you do it with so much style! Good for you to make the resolution not to stress yourself out anymore - I know that feeling very well. I love shopping for tops and skirts and jackets and bags, but when it comes to jeans or any pants, shoes and dresses (too many sheath dresses everywhere) I often get frustrated and depressed in not time. I really feel so much more confident and pretty in a skirt!
I have the same problem with a casual dressed family, they just don't get why it's easier and more comfortable for me to wear skirts. Same with most of my old friends. The people in Berlin are much more broad-minded, I don't need to explain myself to them at all. But over here, skirts are all but a synonym for dressing up, with the exception of summer skirts for girls and young women.

Thanks, Lisa! I'll try some trousers. I would actually love to wear more dresses, but there aren't many fab a-line dresses here in the stores. I'm always happy when I come across a full skirted dress to try on, because it seems to be the land of sheath dresses over here.

Scarlet

Veteran

Astrid, I have to say that in my view American premium denim brands really kick ass, and they are really, really, really expensive in Berlin. Too expensive. It might be a good idea to try some on anyway just to assess the market. First of all, the cuts are very good, and second of all they really last years. It is the gift that keeps on giving. I have yet to wear a pair out. Personally I have also never had any luck with Levi's and they don't last as long. I agree with the comment above that they cut for a straighter figure. Have you tried jeans from Esprit? They seem to be doing some good cuts and are not too expensive. (I have no idea how brands are perceived among students--like if Esprit is too uncool or something. Um, they also have some really cute fall wool jackets, just saying. But not warm enough for real winter unfortunately.) I would also try some trousers from Mexx. They seem to do a good cut but might be more expensive. What about just some great trousers? Trousers can be casual without being jeans. I live in jeans, but I can see they are not for everybody.

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks for your input, Scarlet! I guess you'll know the prices, so I'll probably have to pass American premium denim for now. I would be alright with investing a bit more money in clothes during the next year now that I have the job and my goal of a minimalist wardrobe, but not for jeans. If I invest then in a coat, skirt, dress or shoes. It may be good to keep these in mind though, perhaps for later.

I've owned jeans from Esprit a few times before, when I weighed less. With the figure I have now I would need to tailor them. If they fit my bum they normally are too loose in the waist and often baggy in the thighs. And Esprit as a brand is not uncool at all, you just have to use it in small doses. I've seen some of these jackets, they really are cute. (But I knew a girl once that went in Esprit from head to toe and she looked totally square.) I'll try the trousers! I agree, Mexx is great. Maybe a bit too expensive, but if they have a great fitting pair, why not. I'll try some on the next time I'm shopping.

Btw, I've read the book you recommended. Some things were really useful and worth thinking about, some just plain amusing! It was a good read.

Scarlet

Veteran

Astrid, I am glad you enjoyed the book. Good luck in your jeans hunt. If you are ever going to be in the US, set aside some money for jeans and t-shirts.

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks Scarlet! I'll do that.