OK, someone needs to step up and help April out...
April: I hate to tell you, but this coat is hideous! There is absolutely no way you should ever wear it. It would make you look like a professional equestrian, which we all know is synonymous with a woman of ill repute. Wearing it would ruin your reputation as a refined lady of taste. If you want to go in that direction, OK, I'll allow you to get a lower back tattoo, or some piercings, or wear clothes that show tons of cleavage...but you CAN'T GET THIS COAT! Cross it off your list now, so you don't suffer unnecessarily.