Hoarding of sentimental items

Sal

It is a long weekend (four days) here and we are staying home to attack some projects around the house.

One of these is a clear out of some areas that I have not touched in ten years in our home. I am finding it very challenging!

Whilst I do not hoard clothing, kitchenware, linen, toys or even books I am finding going though old cards, school reports, certificates and even photos quite emotional. There are cards from grandparents who passed away, cards from ex boyfriends with sweet words, cards from people my age who have passed away, school magazines reminding me of teenage years etc.. I have got rid of many items but there are others I cannot bear to do so.

Is anyone else like this? The box sits in a high closet and I do have space for it, but I am sure no-one else in my family is interested.

7 years ago

Off Topic

28 replies

Latest reply was from unfrumped

minimalist

Veteran

I used to be like this, very much so!

What worked for me was a suggestion from Don Aslett: take a picture of each item, card, certificate. I used to do that with a camera, and have them printed. These days, I just digitize and back up. And I probably go through the images and enjoy the memories more often than I would go through the physical originals.

7 years ago

Lucy

Veteran

Honestly, if it's one box, and you have the room, why not keep it? And digitise anything that doesn't fit in the box. Sounds like they are some precious memories to you.

7 years ago

minimalist

Veteran

I can't disagree with Lucy. To further that angle, it might be worth digitizing everything in case of fire or natural disaster.

7 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Oh I have a box (ok, boxes) like that. When I'm 90, I'll show it to my BFF of 30 years (at present). He loves memory lane, with quite a malicious glee. I'm sure that will not have changed one bit.

7 years ago

Style Fan

Veteran

I have a few boxes like that. I rarely look at them but I know they are there. I have a box of letters from my childhood best friend after she moved to England (I live in Canada). She has died. She was such a special person and I am keeping the letters.
I have another box of mementos from my first husband (cards and stuff) who died. That is staying.
Then there is a general box.
I have room for my boxes and every 10 years or 20 years I look through them.

7 years ago

anne

Veteran

I keep all those things too!

7 years ago

Summer

Veteran

I'm sure you are not alone, Sally. These things - especially photographs - are special and priceless, and there's no harm in keeping them as long as you have a dedicated area to store them.
I have a similar collection of family mementos, including a cherished, extremely battered old photo album full of wonderful childhood memories. There is no way that I'll be parting with that.

7 years ago

Helen11

Veteran

I have been thinking about this, too. I'm not ready to part with the cards that kids have made and drawn for me. If you have the storage space, keep your special things. And bring them out now and again and show your kids. They won't think it's important now, but it is.

7 years ago

Anonymous

I empathize, Sal. During my last move, I had a huge collection of memorabilia like yours. I realized it represented a lot of emotional baggage that I was carrying around, and I made myself get rid of it. Not saying that's what you should do, but I felt much freer after I released it. It was hard, though, and I had to spend the next day in bed recovering! I never regretted it, and it helped me realize that I should look forward rather than living in the past.

7 years ago

Anonymous

I think your answer lies in why you are troubled by keeping it, since you say you have room for it.
Is it because you don't look at it very often? In that case, maybe digitizing, so you can look at them more frequently, is a good idea. Or finding a way to display or keep a few close at hand to enjoy.
If you're worried about burdening your family at some future point, why not put a note right on top that tells them you kept these things for YOU, and that they should feel free to let them go without guilt.

7 years ago

Runcarla

Veteran

I'm not very sentimental, but I've got 'a box' too - medals from races going back 35 years, the outfits worn by my babies when I brought them home from the hospital, old photos of relatives in their wedding or military finery. A few stories or works of art done by the boys when they were young, etc. DH insists on lugging around a collection of vinyl records, though we don't even have a record player!

We did a HUGE edit/purge when we moved 2.5 years ago. We even sold or donated furniture. I had a collection of home decor and gardening magazines going back to 1995 that went to recycling!

DH and I just went through 5 boxes we hadn't yet unpacked after moving 2.5 years ago. It resulted in 2 boxes of hard cover books going to the local library (they were happy to have them), the proper 'homing' of some other items, and a garbage bag of stuff we probably should have purged when we moved, but needed the distance of a few more years before actually doing it.

I helped DH and his sibs deal with his parents' estate when his parents passed away unexpectedly in their early 70's, and recently my 80 YO mother had to consolidate after moving to a modern condo from a 3 story Victorian and a cottage. NOT fun experiences. Very hard and emotionally fraught actually. I wouldn't want my kids to go through similar experiences, but I've still got to live - another 20 years at least, so I need SOME stuff!

I've become a ruthless purger, but believe everyone should have 'a box' IYKWIM. Just keep it to one box!

7 years ago

BrieN

Veteran

I don't think that is hoarding. It's a box kept in a clean and dry spot and it contains items which remind you how fortunate you've been to love and be loved. I think we all benefit from reminders like that from time to time.

7 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

One box? Only one?

I wish...

In all seriousness, if you have room, I'd do what Ryce suggests. Affix a note telling the family why you saved and let it be.

7 years ago

Echo

Veteran

I would worry more if a person did NOT have "the box". Everyone has precious memories, and keeping the physical items attached to them is no crime. I currently have multiple boxes of things relating to my children, and as distance gets between the items and today, I am able to purge more. However, some of those things will never go. And why should they? We have the space, and even if they are not precious to anyone else, it's MY box, and I can keep it for me with no other reason or justification than because I want to.

7 years ago

Anonymous

Ryce - I like the idea of a note. Having gone through and helping clear out a family house, I can tell you it was chaotic and things were gotten rid of that were later wanted. In part that was due to the sheer volume of things that needed going through.

I intend to minimize what my family will have to go through by having less overall and making the decisions myself so they don't have to. And there are only so many pictures that can be passed on. It's tricky to figure out, and I definitely have many decisions to make too.

7 years ago

Anonymous

Yes, and they're the only things I keep that aren't likely to be used.
It doesn't bother me at all, in fact I feel slightly virtuous for having narrowed my impractical storage to only these flat items which take relatively little room but describe my history so well.
I do occasionally look through them, last time during a recent move and then a birth in the family and I often see something very different than what I saw so the meaning does evolve for me.

7 years ago

Sal

Veteran

Thanks all!! I will be honest and the box was far too full- and turning into three. I now have it sorted into a box for each son which they have looked at - their baby cards, special birthday cwrds( not all), certificates, school reports, and sports and team photos.

I am due a big sort out of photos- my digital ones are sorted and backed up. Ones from 2006 and earlier are in nice albums. But there is some overlap and lots of multiples.

I also now have a holding zone so I can put these things in a old case and when it fills I can edit.

I do have the space for some memorabilia but I am mindful that too much is mentally draining.

7 years ago

Runcarla

Veteran

Came back because this is such an interesting thread.

When we moved, the DS's (late teens early 20's) were tasked with some editing of their belongings as well. DS #1 already had 'a box' started! DS #2 was more attached to books. The Lego's (DS #1) were non negotiable, and before we packed them up, he reassembled EVERY set he was ever given from original plans, or plans he located on line, and bagged them in big Ziplock bags. A contractor who was doing some work on our house at the time offered to lower the price on the job if we would give him some of the Lego's! (It didn't happen.). We also have an edited collection of Beany Babies, a large collection or Dr. Seuss, and hardcover Lord of the Rings in regular and large print (DS#2, my reader, is vision impaired - go figure!?!)

I'm worried what will come home from work when DH retires next year! DH has an incredible library that he brought to work. What I have from work will fit in a shoe box!

7 years ago

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I have saved too much, and continue to purge in cycles. My husband too. When my husband and I moved into our home, boxes arrived unannounced from my parents. They were done storing my boxes.

My parents are also working at purging. I imagine there will still be much to do later, but their home is definitely a bit lighter.

I do like one suggestion I read. To take the best and display it, so the most meaningful items are out and appreciated.

7 years ago

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

If it's one box, you're good. My mom is as close as it's possible to be to a hoarder and she won't throw away things like Easter cards from a friend who sent them 10 years ago because the person died and that's the last thing she had from them. Times 1,000. If you see yourself going down that dusty, cat-haired road: digitize!

6 years ago

Sal

Veteran

Thanks all for your thoughts. I think it is okay for us all to have different thresholds but there is a point where you are a hoarder - my Maternal Grandmother was one, and my MIL too. In both cases there was dementia mixed in as well.

I feel at peace with where I am at now:
1) One archive box per son which they have been through
2) Two archive boxes for Jon and myself
3) One box of unsorted photos
4) One shared box of school books for the boys (most of this will probably go in the next sort out).

I spent a lot of time last year sorting digital photos. And I have lots of albums - but I do have double ups and ones I have been given etc that form the unsorted box.

Jon would throw pretty much the whole lot away without even looking at it (he also cycled through Europe for three months without a single photo). We are wired differently.

I can see that this is an areas I could be a hoarder in the future though so I need to be mindful of this.

6 years ago

Anonymous

I don't hoard anything, but the hardest thing I had to cull was my collection of piano books. I had a lot because I taught for many years in addition to performing.

6 years ago

Anonymous

I have become very adept at getting rid of stuff over the years, however, I have kept all the cards my parents, my husband, and daughters have given me. I am not ready to get rid of these.

As to my other stuff, I photographed almost all my memorabilia, i.e. from grade school, high school ,letters, diplomas, awards, etc. I then proceeded to make a Shutterfly book just for me about all the things that had meaning for me. I keep the book on my nightstand and anyone is allowed to look at it. There are times when I just pick i up an reminisce. For me it is easier to look through the pages of the book rather than individual pieces that might be thrown out mistakenly someday.

The only things I held onto from my mother included a gold heart shaped locket, her wedding band, and a beautiful hand carved box that I always admired from my childhood. I let my DD's pick out what they wanted and the rest I sold at auction.

My ILs never threw anything out and my DH and I had to go through thousands of photos which had no names or dates written on them. We only held onto a few that had people my DH recognized, otherwise they held no meaning.

6 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Sigh. I have more than one box. And a few of stuff from my parents' house, filled with memorabilia from my mom and dad, especially mom.

There's no way I'm getting rid of special stuff like the WWII clippings my dad saved that mention the ship he served on, or the collection of fashion drawings my mother did as a teenager. But I know I could let a lot of things go. It just takes time to go through everything, and even 8 years after my mom's death, it's emotionally overwhelming to think about this project. I need to at least get rid of my childhood stuff that she held onto. Anybody need about a dozen vintage Barbie dolls? I have gotten rid of some things, slowly, but it's a process. I envy people who have no attachment to stuff. I'm working on it.

6 years ago

Sal

Veteran

Thanks BC, Danusia and Janet.

I think most people have something they find attachments too - clothing, tools, books, music, porcelain.

I also think being sentimental and keeping memories alive in a physical way can be a beautiful thing. I am aware that the handwritten letter is a rarity, as is the paper (unshared) diary.

6 years ago

viva

Veteran

This is timely for me, Sal. I have been going through a lot of things lately, and I find myself so attached to handwriting it's almost impossible to let it go. I have been an active correspondent throughout much of my life so I have a lot of letters from the analog age. I still have all the letters written to me by my first "serious" boyfriend (high school, I was 15 - and we communicated almost entirely in long, handwritten letters), letters from throughout college, a poem from a college boyfriend, letters from my sisters at various points in my life ... I just cleared out my bookcase and there are books I have no interest in but my mother gave them to me, and she wrote in the flyleaves, and I can't let them go. (She's got dementia.) It's like her true self is still alive in that handwriting. This is what I hoard. I could let everything else go but this: paper and writing. And actual photos of my daughters as children. Sigh.

6 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Vivian, I understand that! I have some ledgers that my mom used to track finances (yes! Pen and paper ledgers, totally old school!), and I have a hard time getting rid of them. I have few things with my father's writing in them, but I stubbornly hold on to them as well. Also a couple of books my great-uncle wrote in (he was the closest thing I had to a living grandparent as all my actual grandparents died before I was 3 years old). And yes, I stubbornly keep letters and notes friends wrote me decades ago.

6 years ago

unfrumped

Veteran

I can relate!
Still working through Marie Kondo- Konmari- ing.
And my MIL saved EVERYTHING, whole rooms and closets full, so it was super difficult when she and FIL moved into a retirement apartment.
I think it's all right to think of " first cut" and do more later. Just like a clothing holding zone- taking another look later may allow you to let go of more.
For me I want to avoid potentially leaving kids with a huge job, or leaving me and DH with such a job it would be overwhelming to make a house move that we really wanted to make, so it's a volume kind of thing rather than complete riddance.
But I would not worry about having SOME boxes of things I just need to keep for now. What is good though is to think whether they're there to review, or tell a story later, or whether you'd like to go thorough it with kids for fun and then discard some. Or frame something cute.
Good luck!

6 years ago

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