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Guilt in your closet?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I posted a remark in merwoman's "Under the influence" thread about a moment I had this morning as I dressed. I pulled out two tops and two dresses that have gone unworn this summer, even though I realistically only have another week to wear them. I looked at them, thought about styling options and tried them on. They are fine garments, in great condition, but I felt absolutely no excitement at the prospect of wearing them. I realize not every outfit is going to make me feeling like jumping for joy, but I knew in my heart that I wasn't going to wear those items no matter how long I left them in my wardrobe.

I realized I was feeling guilt over these items. Guilt that they were going unworn, taking up closet space, and I'd paid good money for them. And I thought, how ridiculous to feel guilt over clothing! The best way to eliminate the guilt, I figured, was to either wear and enjoy the object of guilt (thus changing my feelings towards the item), or get rid of it. Out of sight, out of mind. And thus, they ended up in my donation and swap meet bags.

Anybody else have these feelings? Do you hang onto things out of guilt, or toss them?

Dressing

26 replies

Latest reply was from MNsara

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I tend to purge out of guilt. Getting rid of unworn stuff makes me feel virtuous!! (Having bought it in the first place makes me feel lousy, but I figure I'm getting better at not doing that, and it's all a process, in my case, apparently quite a LONG one, to build a closet from scratch and refine a style.)

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Yep, Suz, the "buying in the first place" is a source of guilt! But if I get rid of them item, I get over the guilt. And take note of the lessons learned from my not-so-successful purchases.

I have to chalk up some of the last year and a half to style experimentation while I was also dressing a changing body.

catgirl

Veteran

Totally relate. I've been getting those items out of my closet and chalking it up to a lesson learned. And I've had fewer and fewer of those mistakes as a result. Still have a few around that I am trying to wear, though!

I got my son to go through his toys and get rid of a bunch of no longer used stuff. The Toy Story movies have made kids feel so guilty about donating items, because they think the toys will be sad. GRRRRR.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Just think of the happy face of the person who finds the urworn or new with tags item whilst thrifting or at a swap meet.

It is your good deed for the day.

Anonymous

I honestly don't feel guilt. I am lucky though that I can give lots of things to my daughter or my sister, so there is very little waste. I get plenty of the more casual stuff from my daughter too. Also, I have found that I get into moods where I am fed up with certain items, to later fall in love with them again. I am not too quick to purge these days.

Anonymous

99% of my wardrobe has been purchased at Goodwill or other thrift stores, so there isn't a high dollar investment. If in the long run an item isn't working for me I haven't lost a lot. Still, every dollar does count in our family, so I do try to make the item work. If not I can always find someone who would love it and figure the cost was worth it to be a blessing to someone else. I'm trying to be especially careful with my purchases, to buy only what I really love, because then I know I'll find a way to wear it.

Irene

Veteran

Yes, but it is normally about stuff that does not fit as it should and/or sale purchases. Sales are normally dangerous for me because I end up buying stuff I will not wear (except for this summer sales, which I have been really smart about, I must say, and so far I have no regrets).

Oh, I also get that with shoes, and even really expensive ones, because they end up hurting my feet.

cciele

Veteran

My mom kept basically everything, even my old clothes! She would buy new items, and remix the old ones, so some items were at least 30 years old (and we're talking everyday clothes, not special or designer pieces).

So growing up in a thrifty, use-what-you-have-until-it-falls-apart kind of environment, yes I do feel guilty about my closet. I hang onto things because I hear my mom saying, "That's perfectly good and you can still wear that, even around the house."

But I'm getting much better tossing things in the donate pile, or now that I have a daughter who can almost wear my clothes, passing things down to her. I still need to make smarter purchases though because I am an impulse buyer, and still make "mistakes" even after having been on YLF for a few years

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I feel guilt about items I have, unworn, still NWT. I have an Elizabeth and James silk topper that is cute but doesn't fit in my lifestyle. It's a summer item, I got it in July at Loehman's, haven't worn it. They have a terrible return policy (2 weeks) so I can't return. Another reason why I am more and more shopping at Nordstrom.

qfbrenda

Veteran

I have particular guilt over a couple of dresses I bought that I shouldn't have. I knew they weren't perfect but they seemed good enough. I should have waited for perfect. Sigh Now I'm looking for a replacement for them. I hate the money that I spent on dresses I knew weren't what I really wanted. Oh well.

Joy

Veteran

After some soul searching because of Angie's wonderful blogs on closet editing, I'm thinking that not being patient and applying the PPP principle enough when shopping is causing my guilt.
Example: 2 springs ago I found a serious wardrobe hole..a white cardigan. I bought a crocheted one that was expensive for me, paying full price. In use, it's too textured, boxy and too long for many outfits but looks great with others. Then I bought a fine gauge cotton that's more fitted. It's too white and still sometimes too long. Then I bought a white shrug that is OK but not perfect either. I also acquired a cascading ivory rayon blend cardi. I have FOUR white cardies! I should have held out for the perfect one. Actually I usually grab the white denim jacket instead and would like to add a white blazer.
Purging any of these cardies is difficult because each has found its way into certain capsules as the best choice. All fit and are in excellent condition. I really want one great slightly off-white cropped cardi. Guilt!

shiny

Veteran

I'm in Zapotee's boat: I have two daughters who often take my rejected items. And, if they don't want the item, one of their friends will.

I feel guiltiest for my pile of things that need to go to the tailor. I know if I get my act in gear and have these items altered, I will get lots of wear out of them, and nothing in that pile is too trendy that it'll go out of date if I don't act fast. I just get sidetracked and never get around to making the appointment.

I recently pulled the pile out of the recesses of my closet ("out of sight out of mind") and put it where I have to stare at it every day as a guilty reminder. However I am still putting it off, with the rationalization that I will soon be doing a major cull/seasonal swap and who knows I may find other items to add to the pile...

Otherwise, my biggest struggle right now is regret that I've let go of some items that are now coming back in style. Yeah, I know, they supposedly tweak the trend but I swear some of these items would have worked and nobody would have been the wiser at how old they were. But alas I let them go... I just don't have space to hold on to everything, so I have to stop feeling this regret.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I can't say I feel guilty about my recent purges, but they were not expensive to start with, and they got at least a few wears out of them, so the Cost Per Wear was pretty low. If I had $100 mistakes I think I would feel guilty.
Luckily, I only have one $100 dress that might not see another wear. The BF bought it for me on my 40th, and he really liked it, so that's half the reason I have it. Wore it one more time on the Valentine's Day that I sprained my ankle and he carried me to the hotel terrace for a meal. I'm okay with the idea of it seeing it's end - I had sentimental wearings of it as it is.
But if I had, say, $100 jeans that I only wore twice and then purged, I'd not be too happy with that. All the more reason to be mindful of what we are bringing into our closets now!!

shiny

Veteran

Joy, have you tried this?
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/ma.....tback=8626

It's only offered right now in black right now, but I've noticed that Nordie's offers a version of this in several colors each spring/summer for many years in a row now. This is my "go-to" cropped cardi. I do have this in white; however, it's not an off-white. I would keep an eye out next spring...

Krista

Veteran

I used to feel guilty until I found someone to give them to who appreciates them! For the past few years, I have given my sister-in-law the first crack at any pile of clothes I've purged. She goes through them and takes what she wants - and totally appreciates what she takes. And then she shows up at family functions wearing my clothes in a new and funky way that makes me want my clothes back!

So I've stopped feeling guilty because I can see how much joy she gets out of them and, in turn, I get joy out of seeing her wear my stuff. She has now started looking at my outfits and saying "Oooh, I like that, I'll just wait until you're done with it!"

ironkurtin

Veteran

Yes. And I hate feeling that way. That's why I GET RID OF THOSE THINGS AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. To make room for more mistakes. : )

Glory

Veteran

So glad to hear I am not alone. I feel horribly guilty even if the item is a small dollar amount. Prior to joining this forum I think I was always buying for a lifestyle I didn't have but also settling for an item even when I knew it wasn't what I wanted. If it is on sale, then I feel its a great deal that shouldn't be passed up even if not perfect. Over the past couple of months I have gotten much better - with the help of this forum. Way fewer mistakes and waiting for the right item and telling myself I deserve to have the nicer item even if I have to wait for it. Sadly tho, I have 4 items nwt that were from stores with 2 week return policies so I have to eat that. All dresses and I rarely have occasion for a dress. Sorry for how long winded this was.

Mander

(website)

Veteran

Guilt is one of the reasons why my closet is *still* overflowing, even though I feel that I am continuously purging stuff. I just keep putting items back because they are "still useful" even if I don't actually like them or feel uncomfortable wearing them.

I think this is actually my biggest wardrobe challenge, not only because it means I don't have much physical space to store any new purchases, but also because the guilt associated with my closet often overwhelms me when I try to either edit it or add to it.

merwoman

Veteran

Just noticed this great thread Janet! Oh yes, I feel guilt. I think this is one of the reasons why my wardrobe has been left unattended for such a long period of time. I was so afraid of feeling guilty over bad shopping decisions that I was virtually paralysed.
Through YLF the joy of dressing has returned, and I seem to have overcome the paralysis in big way. (hmmm maybe not such a good thing) Through Angie and everyone's tutelage on YLF, I think I am making better informed decisions, and I'm trying not to beat myself up over the wee mistakes along the way.

ETA - thought a bit more about this - and nowadays - it's not so much guilt, as it is being annoyed with myself for having made a poor decision.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

One item specifically. A Marni, NWT from Gilt, rose pink, dropped waist sleeveless dress.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I am less likely to feel guilty than annoyed with myself for making a purchase I should have thought through better. Once it is given away/consigned/donated I forget it quickly though.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Shevia, I forget most items quickly too, which just confirms that they were better off leaving my closet!

Anna, I feel your pain. I have a NWT Helmut Lang jacket from Loehmann's that passed the return date, and I failed to sell it successfully on ebay. It's sitting in my consignment pile, mocking me with the knowledge of money wasted. Maybe I'll try it on again before I consign it to see if there's some way I can make it work, but I think the cut is just wrong for me.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I have a lot of guilt in my closet.

1. Items that I meant to return, and didn't get it done on time.
2. Spending too little on a whole bunch of "stuff" that doesn't really work for me (ie. I get easily taken in by sales)
3. Lots of new items that were never worn, still hanging there with the tags
4. Too many "orphans" (ie. don't have things to wear with)
5. I still have items that are too big, as a result of losing weight awhile back, and yet - I feel a bit guilty that I didn't wear these things enough, or at all. I have things that fit me for only a few weeks. I haven't given them away or donated them (yet), because there's still this nagging thought that I only wore the item once or twice, it's still in perfectly good condition and I still like the item, but the truth is - it doesn't fit.

I need to be more like MaryK - one of my best YLF inspirations for just "moving on" in a totally stylish way from weight loss.

Hate to say it, but I still have a whole lot of weight/angst/guilt in my closet. Basics are missing, lots of orphans hanging around. I have a hard time getting dressed. I'm pretty sure I have some nice pieces, but I don't have a wardrobe, if that makes sense. It's like having only part of a puzzle - and it's all mixed up with a different puzzle. None of the pieces fit together, and there are basic pieces that are missing.

Thanks for listening...:)

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Oh you betcha! And I find it doesn't matter whether it was a pricey item or a thrifted item. And I'm realizing it relates to one of Angie's comments about getting "caught up in the hunt". I get all excited about something I find and BBQ and then realize later on it's either something that doesn't even suit my style or it doesn't play nice with anything else in my closet.

That's why with NAS I really thought about each individual item thoroughly and how it would/could work for me before I ordered it. I'm hoping to have less mistakes or things that I don't love in my closet.

Jonesy

Veteran

Anna, I remember that lovely Marni dress! Why haven't you worn it?

I had lots of stuff that I just donated. I didn't really feel guilty, but sort of "heavy" or something like that....just kind of a burdened feeling, with everything clogging up my closet. I have been so much better lately about only buying things that are really just what I need, rather than settling and then not wearing something much.

MNsara

Veteran

Closet guilt? Yup especially if I remember I was a little uncertain about the item, just that bit of nagging doubt I didn't listen to. But I have a bit of nagging doubt about almost everything and figure it goes with being me (or being hormonal) (or something else I don't trust), so I usually tune it out.

Wish there was a litmus test for true love and real need . . .