Guide for "Wear black" weddings - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Guide for "Wear black" weddings

MsMaven

Veteran

Just found out that two of the three weddings on our calendar come with the request that guests wear black. (One of these will have a "wear white" event the evening before. I've got that covered.)

I've never attended this kind of wedding before and have no idea what is proper. Would it be okay to wear some black with say a print of another color?

Does the request apply only to dresses/evening outfits? How about accessories? Could I wear say, blue or red shoes?

The first wedding will be of a family member who is marrying for the first time at middle age. She is a fashion designer, so I'd like to wear a somewhat fashion-forward outfit. Her partner is also in the fashion business but we haven't met her. The wedding will be early evening at a resort in Rhode Island.

Currently I don't own a black dress, (not one that fits, anyway) but I can wear the same one for both weddings.

I will be grateful for any ideas on how to proceed or guidelines and possible outfits.

Dressing

29 replies

Latest reply was from Michelle

Sal

Veteran

I haven't been to a wedding like this, interesting!!

I would think low key splashes of other colour would be fine, such as footwear or bags, or subtle prints. I probably would not choose a really bold print on black, but say a metallic thread could be very stylish.

While you want to listen to your friends requests and abide by their code I think there is freedom to wear what you like and what you have as well.

Have fun!

Thistle

Veteran

Maybe an all black dress with handkerchief hem?

Flytigress

My answer was unreasonably cranky so I have deleted it!

I wish your friends long and happy marriages.

Marilyn

Veteran

I wore a black linen dress to my brother's wedding a few years ago. It was outdoors on a very hot July afternoon.
The great thing about black dresses is you can easily change them up with accessories to create different looks.

I wore the same black linen dress out for an anniversary dinner last night with a long silver pendant necklace, my black/white striped sandals and white/citron clutch.

COACH 'Marci' Stripe Sandal

View Info

Top Pick

1

View Info

Echo

Veteran

From my experience (having been to several weddings with this request), yes, if black is the predominant colour then accent or prints of another (usually still dark) colour are fine. Brightly coloured accessories are generally fine, too, although most guest still avoid them (so you would stick out from other guests, which may or may not be what you wish). Given my dark wardrobe, I really like events like this!

What about your dress with the sheer strip just above the knees? I cannot remember what it was called, but I remember your pictures when you bought it.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I have never been to an event like this, but I can't wait to see what you come up with! I am pretty sure that white, coloured, or metallic accessories or accents would be absolutely fine. I also think that if ink is more flattering on you (or charcoal) those would be acceptable options.

Gaylene

Veteran

My friend's daughter made the same request for her wedding. It made for a very elegant, sophisticated look when the pictures were taken. I wore a black lace skirt with a black and white silk shirt. My bag and shoes were black. Some of the guests wore ink blue or charcoal which totally fit into the overall look as well. The caution I'd give is to echo Echo--brights really draw attention in this kind of gathering. Pairing a neutral like light blue, cream, blush, tan, or even white seemed to fit the overall vibe much better if you can't handle total darkness from head to foot.

Joy

Veteran

For summer especially I'd show as much skin as you are comfortable baring to break up the black...strappy sandals, some sheer black insets, handkerchief or high-low hem. Please show us what you come up with. Remember that there are different shades of black, some warm to very deep blue-black; and that Angie suggests varying textures.

Diana

Veteran

My general approach to this type of wedding dress code is to wear something that is black, obviously, but with some fun or edgy details. So something that doesn't look too somber or businessy. My favorite is my allsaints black eyelet wrap dress with fun accessories. The hat is not black by the way, but navy. (we were not asked to wear black to this particular wedding but the setting seemed to call for a black dress.)

I think if the dress code specified black I'd stick with neutrals or metallics for accessories. No pops of color (so I prob wouldn't wear the hat bc it has pink feathers...)
Eta: I think a black and white print dress would be ok as long as it was more black than white. Remember the men will be in tuxedos or black suits with white shirts anyway.

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

MsMaven

Veteran

I was thrown into a bit of a panic when this invitation arrived months earlier than is normal for a wedding. I don't want to go into great detail except to say that I really want to be supportive of this couple. I understand why they sent the invites so early--planning is necessary, Flytigress, thank you. And to the others as well who have offered ideas.

Just let me say this: a little over ten years ago my relative told this incident. She had gone home to visit her mother and found a "List of Failures" posted on the fridge. Her name was there, my DH's was there, and another relative's name was there. This was a heart-breaking moment for her. Her failure was failure to marry and have children and instead have a career and pursue a different set of goals.

Due to expense of travel and negative judgements, I don't expect many other family members to attend this wedding. I would like to see her have a joyous celebration. I'd also like to have a bit of glamour at the gathering. I'm not much for glamour these days, but I'd like to have something other than what I'd normally look for.

I also want to have something that will work for the second wedding, which will also be unconventional in a different way.

Marley

Veteran

I'd get myself a gorgeous LBD - and probably wear black shoes as well. IMHO - pops of color would look out of place - but I agree that metallics would make great accessories. I've been invited to weddings that have requested all sorts of things - and I think it's soooo fun! The last one, we were requested to wear yellow - not my color - but I borrowed a yellow dress from a girlfriend and loved wearing it!

tulle

Veteran

If you go to the Outnet website, and click on Clothing category "LBD," you will feel like a kid in a (licorice) candy store! I don't know your size or budget, but I saw dozens of dresses for $300 or less, including some striking Helmut Lang pieces and others that would definitely match your "Euro Chic" style descriptor. Given your desire to support the marrying couple, and to help them have the glam event they're hoping for, I think you will find it quite easy to put a great outfit together. I've only been to one similar wedding, for which guests were asked to wear black or white. Interestingly, the groom's mother wore a fire-engine-red sequined bombshell dress, so I guess every family has its issues . . . Have fun!

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Never been to such a wedding would I would love to! Mainly because I love to wear black

I think a black dress with small print in another rich color would do just fine. If you want something more versatile, pick a well fitting black dress with metallic accessories, like jewellery and belt. You can also have metallic accents for the shoes and bag/clutch, but I'd like to keep them predominantly black too.

I do have one example of myself in such an outfit. This is a black dress with side ruching on the waist (not evident in the photograph) that gives it a great fit. I've paired it with gold, but silver or bronze are both good options. I'll also attach a picture of a similar dress so the design detailing is clearer. I can also show you an example of black and white.

I also love Diana's idea of a hat. Can't wait to see what you come up with!

This post has 4 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

rachylou

Veteran

I'd go the old world way and wear my funeral clothes... This way is based on the idea that you've only got one good set of clothes... Right, probably not the right idea... but still what I'd do.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

A list of failures on the fridge? Wow, I almost feel sorry for somebody to have such a negative outlook on life. And the harm that would be inflicted by actually seeing that list! :(. Good for you for wanting to provide support and a great day for the one getting married.

I've never been to a wedding like this either, but it sounds like a great idea. I personally would avoid pops of colour or pattern - I think it will really stand out in a sea of black. But accents in white, or an icy pastel, or metallics would probably work fine. As would navy or charcoal, if you're not a black person. I'm glad you will have the chance to re-wear whatever you get.

Deborah

Veteran

Well I always wear black to wedding lol unless of course the invite specifies something specific:). I agree that black with metallic accents would be very elegant and appropriate. I often wear red pumps and all black or I might wear black shoes and add a pop with a block coloured clutch but in these circumstances I would keep it neutral and streamlined. It should be a very elegant affair.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I've never been invited to a wedding where the guests were expected to dress in a particular color (heck, I didn't even ask my bridesmaids to match, just to choose something in the blue color family), but it sounds like it's a thing now. I love the idea of combining a LBD with metallics and maybe one rich color for a clutch or a wrap, etc. If you go with a print, I'd keep it low-key and make sure the overall impression still reads "black."

The fridge list of failures sounds just awful. Why would anyone do that? Focusing all that attention and energy on so-called "failures" sounds like a way to make yourself -- and your loved ones -- miserable. I'm sorry to hear of that happening, and I hope everyone involved is able to move forward in a more positive way.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Whoa. That list of "fridge failures" sounds positively gothic in its horror.

No wonder you want to show some support. Go all out, I say. Get yourself something truly gorgeous and shower the couple with love.

jackiec

Veteran

The list of failures make me so sad.

I've never heard of requesting what everyone else wears, but it sounds kind of refreshing because you don't have to decide on your own (at least there are some set parameters). I'd probably keep any pops of bright to a minimum myself, for the sake of the request. But lots of great advice given already.

abc

Veteran

Echoing the other sage ladies on the forum. Stay away from that fridge list person as much as you can, family is family but toxic is toxic too...

I love the outnet suggestion. Find a dress that makes you feel fab. Add some metallic accessories. Go show your support and love, be fashionable and have a wonderful time.

Anonymous

I imagine it probably would be fine to have a little color somewhere but I very much prefer Diana and Maneera's approach of using metal and texture to relieve the blackness of an all black outfit.
In the interest of being as supportive as possible, and benefitting from the occasion by practicing an exercise in LBD, if I were you, I'd plan a new All Black Outfit.
Diana and Maneerea, really, you both look absolutely gorgeous, thank you for posting these photos, all black can be so solemn, and you're both as far from that as you could possibly be.

rachylou

Veteran

Wait. I missed that about the fridge... Btw, love the idea of black with metallic accents... But back to the fridge... Whoa. Please don't be offended, I'm a rude girl with an oversized ego, but I laugh at that and recommend strongly that y'all do too. Although, the lady deserves some compassion I don't suppose. That's pretty self-hating, truth be told. Ok. Apologies. And I beg your forgiveness.

unfrumped

Veteran

Must say I get grumpy when hosts use a strict code for "good" dress (e.g., not a fun costume party) such as a specific color. . Meaning, things that could require someone go buy a new dress or dressy top and skirt just like their other appropriate outfits but in another color and possibly a color they are trying not to add to their wardrobes.

Bah, sorry, getting it out of my system.

But aside from that, i applaud your approaching it with fun and respect/love for your friend.

If you're trying to maximize the dress for other summer weddings, then black dresses that appear more summery and show some skin, modestly so, meaning, sleeveless, normal V neck, lace, that sort of thing, helps them look less somber for a wedding where black might not be expected, but could easily look great if a "happy," festive look is achieved. A great fabric helps too, not too heavy. Fresh accessories could be the metallics, or also the darker or neutral colors listed, depending on your coloring and the dress. If you are lucky, the dress might lend itself to a colorful or patterned jacket for another type of wedding where you might want to de-emphasize the black.

MsMaven

Veteran

Echo, I had thought of wearing that dress from last year to the last wedding scheduled for October. It isn't quite right for the R.I. wedding though. I've been thinking I might have it turned into a long skirt.

Tulle, that Outnet site is fabulous. I came up with several possibles there. Thanks for pointing it out to me.

I'm drawn to the eyelet flowing dress Diana is wearing as well as the sheath in Maneera's #1 & 2.

All of your suggestions have helped me to figure out in a general way the kind of look I want. The dress should either be flowing or softly draped or else a draped sheath. I agree that metallic accessories are the best option. I I still like the idea of a hat. The easiest dress for me to wear is a sheath that isn't too closely fitted. I'm torn between a draped, flowing dress or an edgier sheath. I don't want another long dress if I can help it.

They have sent out the invitations way early, possibly because it will take some arranging for most family to get there. So I have plenty of time. Maybe they sent them out in time for the NAS! I might find both a dress and shoes there.

Thanks for your help. I'm still a bit jet-lagged and tired and goofy. More about that in other threads.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I HIGHLY recommend this designer. I have the ruffle dress in black. Fantastically made stuff. Will customize within reason

https://www.etsy.com/shop/liza....._leftnav_1

Style Fan

Veteran

Lots of wonderful advice already but I am amazed at the fridge person. WOW. Go all out and show the couple lots of love and support. I would run and hide if I ever saw fridgey.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

Not sure why I didn't think of this before, but last fall I wore my black EF drape front dress to a wedding, and got compliments from three strangers on it. It's certainly a dress that you'd wear again afterwards, it's the ultimate in "dress up dress down" versatility. IM oh so HO.

Diana

Veteran

The fridge thing is unbelievable. It reminds me of slam books from middle school. But most people grow up and get over it by the time they're like 14.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Wow. I can certainly understand your desire to make this wedding special for Fridgy's relative! Good for you for swimming against that particular current.

If that invitation landed in my mailbox, I would generally recreate the outfit I wore in t his thread (black lace dress over a nude lining, mass of pearls). I wore this in the dead of winter, hence the black textured hose and shoes, but in warmer temps I'd go for gold sparkly sandals and gold clutch.
I'm not sure if this jibes with your style at all, so forgive me if this isn't up your street.
http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/gala-outfit