Engagement party gift etiquette - YouLookFab Forum

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Engagement party gift etiquette

Tanya

Veteran

One of my closest friends has just decided to have a little engagement party in couple of weeks. The wedding is next year in May.
I have never attended an engagement party in USA before and am curious about the customs/etiquette. Is one supposed to bring a gift and what would be typical and or/recommended? Obviously I am planning to get them a very nice gift for the actual wedding. Thanks!

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19 replies

Latest reply was from Tanya

viva

Veteran

I went to an engagement party this spring for one of my best friends who is quite a bit younger than I am (she is 35, I am 50). I had no idea what to do -- so much has changed since I got married. The engagement party was a brunch with a dozen of her closest girl friends, most in their early 30s. The gifts tended to be very personal and not the kinds of things that would be necessarily be given for a wedding or bridal shower. One friend gave her a small wedding etiquette book that had been passed through her family -- the idea being my friend would read it, sign it, and then pass it to someone else. Several friends chipped in on a hotel night in Boston for the couple. One friend gave her crystal champagne flutes to use in the ceremony. I ended up giving her a glass bowl painted by my mother (who was an artist before succumbing to dementia).

It would be good to get others' feedback because I think it might vary regionally and/or based on the age of the bride.

Good luck!

Tanya

Veteran

Thanks Viva! The bride is pretty young, 27ish; and the party is a centered dinner party with drinks and dancing later in a nice lounge.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I've never been to an engagement party where gifts were expected but sometimes people do bring them. If it's in a restaurant then I guess a nice bottle of wine is kind of out of the question (which is what I might bring if the party were at someone's home). Will everyone be paying for their own dinner? If so, then I might simply buy or create a really pretty art card (frameable, and if you felt the need to go one step further, maybe provide a frame to fit) and write a nice, personal message inside.

Glory

Veteran

Oh this is a tricky one. I am thinking we need an online search for etiquette in this situation. I have never been to one where a gift is required either but it has been quite a few years. Would this be in place of a shower? If there is a maid of honour you could ask her.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

If you are getting a nice present for the wedding, I would not get an engagement party present.

minimalist

Veteran

I don't know! but love any excuse to visit my old-favorite snarkfest:

Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
http://www.etiquettehell.com/s.....c=133892.0

engagement gifts
http://www.etiquettehell.com/s.....opic=99444

engagement gift ideas
http://www.etiquettehell.com/s.....opic=86346

Then there's this novel but not recommended approach to gift sourcing and selection:
http://www.abadcaseofthedates......an-be.html

AviaMariah

Veteran

I've never been to an engagement party and I don't even think I would have thought of a gift if I had been invited! Some of the other ideas sound nice though; something small and personal. Maybe a gift card for a pedicure?

kkards

Veteran

i love AviaMariah's idea. or maybe a gift cerifitcate a massage, with a note saying you know planning a wedding can be stressful.

viva

Veteran

You could also get something fun and Pinterest-able from etsy like these adorable his and hers pillowcases (loved by my 22-year-old DD):

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1.....1&ga_

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Neelie

Veteran

Have they set up a gift registry anywhere? I would select something from there if possible, maybe something for the house. I was recently invited to an engagement party and I ordered white towels off their registry for them. I think that one can never have too many of those.

If there is a party, I think a gift is appropriate, but you decide how much you want to spend, and certainly considerably less that for the wedding gift.

rachylou

Veteran

I've never been to an engagement party where gifts were given. Except maybe a cheque from your Grand Uncle George.

Emily

I agree with Anna. Also, a gift should not be expected at an engagement party. I assume you will also be attending a bridal shower, where a gift WILL be expected, plus the wedding gift. If you feel so inclined, give the couple a nice card congratulating them.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I think the engagement party is a celebration only, not a gift venue. Unless you are VERY close to the bride and have money you'd love to burn.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Ditto with those who have never given gifts for an engagement, just for the wedding and/or bridal shower. If you are super-close you could come up with a token gift that is personally meaningful to the both of you, but I don't think it's expected.

Tanya

Veteran

Thank you all for your wise input!

The couple does not have a registry yet. There will be a bridal shower, bachelorette party etc. in the future.
The thing is that the bride is paying for the whole affair - restaurant catered dinner- herself, so I feel that I should bring something. However, since it is the whole couple officially hosting it, I feel that it should be something for both of them, not just for the bride.
I am pretty close with her, she helped me a lot during my nightmarish past year. However, I do not have money to burn for sure. I would feel better buying something, just am clueless what.

doubleh

Veteran

Since they are paying/hosting the party, perhaps view it as a gift along the lines of a very nice hostess gift. An orchid, perhaps?

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

A couple I know just threw an engagement party and they're doing a DIY wedding so I bought them a pair of fountain pens ... they're kinda hippie-dippy-hipster-ish, so they liked them and are planning to do their wedding invitation addresses with them!

I'd stick to a lower $$ value especially if you're going to be buying more gifts in the future. I bought the Lamy Safari's for under $20/each online, including shipping; I think our university bookstore is selling them for about $36 or 40.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Gift card for a restaurant?

Tanya

Veteran

Ooh, love the idea of a restaurant gift card. And I think I know just the place, as the bride loves chocolate:
http://www.cocosala.com/