So Niki, you'd prefer his bare feet on your floors over his sandals? Really? You want those disgusting feet on your floors? I'm sure there are oils and stuff that are really gross on the bottoms of his feet.

I, too, would prefer bare feet in my home to outdoor shoes of any description. I think this generally confounding thread has made one thing abundantly clear - there is no universal standard on such matters, either from a fashion or an etiquette perspective. Just because someone disagrees with your opinion on his feet, Kate, doesn't mean they are not grasping the questions you posed at the outset. That question, after all, is the frame of reference in which we operate.

The same can be said of fashion well beyond this conversation. Our own Angie, who regular forum members look up to as a genuine style icon, once got included in highly unflattering magazine coverage over a pair of jeans that someone obviously perceived in a more negative light than this group did. The magazine was perfectly entitled to hold and express a different view, but it did so disrespectfully, making a mere difference of opinion a much more negative and unpleasant experience.

I would ask you to bear that in mind as you progress. Clear your view is not universal. Your own position proves that nor is his. I sincerely hope you can both keep this in mind and bring some nuance to the table if/when this subject comes up again.
Your reply

As a host, I don't make my guests take off their shoes in my house but a lot of them do. We all run around in bare feet in the house so I wouldn't mind if a guest did the same. Socks that have been in shoes for a while on a man can be just as stinky as bare feet. I can understand that some people might not like seeing bare feet but we are pretty casual here.

Some of you would honestly rather he take off his flip flops and go barefoot in your homes? Wow lol...like, you guys have seen his big ugly feet right? We're not talking about cute girl feet that are pedicured and all that...we're talking about big hobbit feet...

I guess we'll never agree on this topic.

I would be deeply bothered by a significant other who keeps insisting a part do me as ugly and disgusting in a public forum more than anything else.

I think you really need to think about this.

To answer your question - yes I would prefer barefeet over outdoor sandals on my floors. The bottoms of his sandals are much dirtier than his bare feet. And I don't see anything wrong with his feet. Feet are feet.

"Wow lol...like, you guys have seen his big ugly feet right? We're not
talking about cute girl feet that are pedicured and all that...we're
talking about big hobbit feet."

So what do you do? Have feet inspections at the front door? Cute pedicured feet may enter and ones that you consider ugly must don socks from a lovely basket sitting by the door?

Why are his feet worse bare than anyone elses? His are "oily" because you don't like the shape of them? But "cute" feet are clean? Feet in flip flops are actually probably quite clean as they can breathe. Does he have athlete's foot? Plantar warts? No? Then let it go.

I'm starting to think this thread is a dude trolling to get compliments on his feet.

Kate, I don't pretend to know you and I wouldn't dream of attacking you about any of this. This has morphed from a fashion and "manners" issue you were looking for advice on into a very emotionally charged thread because it has become about how you and your BF are interacting with one another. I'm sure you are a beautiful and stylish lady and many here have said that the BF is very cute. A lot of wonderful ladies with far more experience in relationships and life have given you great advice. I'm a lot closer to your age than a lot of the ladies who have given you advice, but in the last few years I've learned a lot about having a mutually respectful relationship. I get the feelings you are both having regarding what this conversation MEANS about how you feel about the other person. I also understand having a visceral reaction to something someone else does.

When my SO and I first got together about a year in we got into a pretty decent misunderstanding about something similar to this. He did something that bugged me and it was compounded by something I felt like he wasn't doing in our relationship that he should be doing. I told him straight out that I didn't like what he was doing and his reaction was very similar to your BFs. Sure, neither of us handled it very well. However, I came to understand a couple things about my SO:

  1. He (and most men) are very sensitive to criticism, which they view very differently than the ribbing their buddies give them
  2. The SO had a bad past relationship he didn't talk about much with me and it turns out that he was very afraid that he'd end up with another woman who was never pleased and never thought he was good enough
  3. My SO responds much better if there is a logic behind the argument or if I state something as my opinion and then let it go--- he almost always finds a way to compromise, but it takes him time to mull it over

This would be my advice. I would take a minute and calm down. I wouldn't react to anything he says or sends to you trying to give you a hard time. I would try to figure out if his is really about his feet or if it is about how he reacts to your suggestions, or even something else in your relationship that is making you feel dissatisfied (or heck, maybe just something in your life). I would apologize to him-- let him know that it does bug you but that you shouldn't have said it the way you said it. Let him know that you are feeling like he doesn't value your opinion or happiness, and that this isn't about the little things if that is the case. Apologize for real and then drop it and let it blow over. Then note both his response to doing things that please you and respecting your opinion and your own ability to respect his differences. This will help you evaluate if he really is overall a stubborn partner who is not willing to do small things for you or if you need to learn to let some small things go and come at concerns in a different way (i.e. modify your communication style).

I read through this entire thread and was reminded of the young woman who was quite insistent that she was not an hourglass and kept repeating the same argument over and over.

To answer the question, I would prefer that a guest in my home go barefoot rather than wear outdoor shoes indoors. I also would prefer that my guests be as comfortable as possible when in my home even if that means that they are sockless.

I don't think it really matters much what we think at this point. Actually, I don't think it matters all that much what you think either. The BF has given very clear signs that he is near the end of the relationship and you haven't heard the message he is communicating because you are too busy focusing on your need to have him accede to your wishes.

A healthy relationship is not about control or manipulation. It is about being supportive and accepting a partner for who he/she is and not about who you want him/her to be.

katemmcoy, you clearly have feet issues. You need to realize those are YOUR issues, not his, and he is not required to share or even humour your phobias.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

Just because he has big feet it doesn't mean they are disgusting. Woman, this is YOUR boyfriend you are talking about. If you have issues with his clean-looking feet, I mean... come on!!

Besides, he looks fine to me. Sporty, casual, fun. Young. No issues. I dated this guy for a while who didn't even own a pair of jeans. Nor sneakers. He was shocked that I owned a pair of red canvas shoes for spring because they were so flashy. He was under 30. He was quite boring (in MY opinion), which is one of the reasons it never worked out in the first place. Did I ever make a comment about his clothes? No. At most I would ask him why he dressed so serious. Well, he was comfortable in that style.

Hi,

I have a son in-law your boyfriend's age of Hawaiian descent who was born & raised in Hawaii. These young man dress like your b/f & remove their "slippers" (flip-flops) upon entering all private homes. It appears to be cultural. He never puts on socks & would rebel against anyone asking him to as would his friends, brothers, etc.

I don't require people to remove their shoes in my home but when he comes to visit me in CA, he automatically does. My husband & I walk around our home barefoot all of the time so it does not bother us one bit if anyone else does. I don't want *dirty* feet on my white sofa but I don't want dirty anything on them.

My husband would never remove his shoes indoors because he thinks he has ugly feet. He WOULD put on socks if someone required him to remove his shoes or he wouldn't visit them

I think you should let this one go. He's not doing this to piss you off, trust me. I think you should be grateful that he lets you dress how you want & doesn't try to control you. Please return the favor.

ok I seriously don't understand where all this harsh criticism is coming from. you guys are attacking me at every angle, and you don't seem to get where I'm coming from.

first, can you stop saying I have a foot phobia? I've said before I don't care if my bf walks around barefoot at home, or even at my house if its just us two, but if we're going out to someone's house, then I'm sorry but he should realize nobody wants to see his bare feet. and YES, it's different with girls. it's socially acceptable for women to be barefoot at social occasions at peoples houses, it isn't for guys. sorry, but that's my opinion. just like it's acceptable for women to wear skirts and whatnot at work, and men have to wear pants. these are just the gender norms. So yeah, it's not so bad if women go over to peoples houses and take off their heels and go barefoot. Women have nicer feet than men. deal with it.

I'm shocked at how many of you would want my bf to take off his flip flops at your houses. are you serious? have you seen his hideous feet? you honestly have no problems with his bare feet all over your nice floors? it makes me shudder actually. and why are you guys suggesting I'm a bad gf for saying he has ugly feet? who cares, theyre guy feet. all guys have ugly feet. it isn't an insult lol

Okay, pretty sure we're being trolled now.

XH had gorgeous feet. (Still does, presumably.) If there were pageants for male foot models, he would have won them all. Kate you'd probably like his conservative style and manners as well, shall I give you his number? He'll be happy to finally meet a woman who likes him wearing black socks with his favourite brown sandals.

BF has troll feet but that's to be expected given where he's from, he comes by them honestly. All the better for lurking under bridges and grabbing tender young goats. Semiweekly pedis mean they're very well-kempt troll feet, and EEEE width keeps custom shoemakers in business. I do influence his sock choices but only to increase his comfort.

Kate if you're real, your urge to control is typical for someone raised in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family. There are support groups for that.

I find it hilarious that you guys think I'm a troll.

Your boyfriend's style seems ok. He dresses like Ben Affleck. I prefer a more neat, button down look personally... But then again eHarmony told me my type was so rare they couldn't help me, lol.

There's nothing wrong with his style. If you don't like it, you don't have to date him. There's nothing revolting about his feet, at least not that shows up in photographs. I'm with whoever said we're being trolled, though.

Kate how about starting a site called Your Man Looks Fab, for people who want to improve their partners' style. Maybe find a gender-neutral term so people partnered with women needing style help could feel included. And a way to anonymise WTW photos.

Who knows, there might just be a real market for that!