Dinner last night w/ friends - "Why don't you ever dress casual?!" :( - YouLookFab Forum

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Dinner last night w/ friends - "Why don't you ever dress casual?!" :(

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Dear YLF,

Last night, I went out for dinner with some friends from my medical school class, and it turned out that I was the only girl (the other girls in our group are all on vacation - one in Egypt, one in England, a few in NYC, etc).

One of the guys turns to me and asks, rather abruptly, "What's wrong with you? Why don't you ever dress casual?" ...

Does it really matter? I wouldn't wear the outfit to work, so I assume it's casual? We were at a nicer eatery (think $15 hamburgers - lol). Needless to say, I wasn't feeling that great afterwards and didn't enjoy my $15 hamburger. Ugh.

Is it just an off-comment?

Much sighs, but with love,
Lyn

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57 replies

Latest reply was from teri

MsMary

Veteran

Good grief! Big hugs, lyn*!!!

The only appropriate response to a ridiculous remark like that is something like, "What's wrong with YOU? Why don't you ever exercise impulse control instead of blurting out rude remarks like that?"

Or, if you're feeling kind, you might laugh and say "I'm going to assume you didn't realize you actually said that out loud!"

Or how about, "There obviously something wrong with one of us, but I'm almost certain it's not me!"

Or, "Oh, sweetheart, this IS casual! I think you have 'casual' confused with 'slovenly!'"

Shauntelle

(website)

You looked very pretty... not your fault they're used to being surrounded by frumpy people! I love how that red looks on you...

Anonymous

Awww, I'm so sorry he said something so dumb!!! You look fantastic!!! I would totally wear that out for burgers.

Anonymous

I guess that being Canadian, you can't give him my standard response to a dumb comment, "Bless your heart, you're so precious! What a darling thing to say!"

But I like Mary's responses.

Vildy

Veteran

From a guy, huh! Is this a variation on dunking the little girl's pigtails in the inkwell to keep her attention on you [him]? It's funny how fifteen dollar hamburgers are now eaten by people in casual dress but I've seen it, too. You looked nice - as always - and I think your outfit could easily pass for casual (not at work) if you changed out the shoes.
It seems to me that it's the shoes that clue people in to your intentions.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Oy, Lyn, do remember that the comment came from a BOY. My boy thinks everything that isn't a tee shirt and shorts is "dressy" and "fancy." He pouts that I'm too dressed up if I don a dress for a party... um, ever heard of the term "party dress"??

IMO, his comment is just evidence that your nice clothes make an impression on people... otherwise, I doubt the dude would have ever thought about the kind of clothes you like.

Anonymous

Remember these words:

"Dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in." Paris Hilton.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

*donk* that is my head hitting the table, some people are just so rude.

I have not faced that type of response myself but would probably say 'define casual?' and he should definitly refund you for the burger.

This is his problem and not yours!!!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Lyn, I can't imagine any normal person would say "what's wrong with you?" for any reason. A comment like that deserves to be ignored, and definitely not internalized. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your meal after that. YOU are not the one with "something wrong with you" -- HE is. It's just rude.

FWIW you look cute, and that's a totally appropriate outfit for "out to dinner". And my oh my, but those are cute shoes. Where did you get them?

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

Lyn, I think they aren't really getting your style! Looking good is your casual style every day! Don't take it so hard. It sounds like a compliment that came out all wrong. If he had any class or tact he would have said, "you look good every day."

Of course you could have asked him, "why do you always look like dreck/slob/shlep/shlub," insert your favorite noun for looking not hot!

Anonymous

OMG, this is so unforgivably rude! I assure you, nothing is wrong with you. You rock at pulled-together casual. Being a man who commented I assume : 1. He's jealous at you're professional success and that is a Freudian repressed comment. It's either that or he has a generally ager against pretty girls that don't like him. There is a saying in my country that says roughly translated : don't put this to you heart. It means, let it go, and don't dwell on it. You rock!

Vildy

Veteran

And skirts. No matter how many casual outfits *we* see that are built around
skirts lots of folks just don't get it. Around here, a high school principal had
to beg the girls to wear shorts to school in the hot, hot weather (against the
dress code) because she said that when she drove up to the school she
couldn't tell them apart from the hookers - and was afraid for them. I get
that reaction, too, when I'm out on an errand wearing a skirt. Asked if I'm
"workin'". And they're not mini skirts. See, you could have it worse.

crwilson

Veteran

I think you look beautiful - I love the outfit. It looks perfectly appropriate for a casual meal with friends. I never think of clever comebacks when I'm in the situation...I'd like to keep a little note in my phone with Mary's responses and make myself memorize them.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Well, I guess the couple at the next table were dressed oddly too - the lady was wearing a leather dress that was sort of a mock-turtle neck, in bright purple leather. And the gentleman was wearing a shirt with two holes in it, in addition to the four that you use to stick your body through the shirt.

T-shirt and jeans for burgers would be like $6 burgers :p lol.

ETA: These shoes were $15 brand new from Naturalizer last year I bought two pair. Beautiful and leather, they're super comfy, and available in WIDE with! They are quite wonderful - normally I can't afford their shoes! I also have them in a solid brown.

ETA2: about the hookers and the skirts ... I've had a few people ask me if I wanted a pimp. On the street. During daylight hours. *palmface*

Anonymous

arg. i just don't understand boys! A couple weeks back we were really tired and hungry and my husband suggested we go out and grab a bite. I was SO tired I said I didn't feel like getting out of my sweats to go eat. He replied....you could go like that. And I responded that I COULD go in a clown suit but that wouldn't be appropriate either.

Anyway, he went out and picked up some dinner and we ate in.

MsMary

Veteran

I've been thinking about this some more. My final answer is:

*trilling laugh* "Oh, honey, this IS casual!" Then you squeeze his arm, lean towards him conspiratorily, and whisper, "Now let's talk about what's wrong with YOU, that you would say something so insulting to a friend during a pleasant dinner!"

Lisa

Veteran

I think you dress lovely and I don't mind when I am the "dressed up" one in a group. You weren't wearing a frumpy baggy t-shirt and jeans with holes off-duty, big deal. This guy was flat out rude. I would have responded with something along the lines of

"I care about how I dress, why don't you care?" or "Darling, this is casual."

Despite my often jeans on the bottom outfits, at my casual job I am often the most dressed up person. Now and then I get comments about my summer scarf wearing or blazers and boots in the fall combinations. I respond with "I dressed today to make me happy." My job does not require wearing a uniform, so I don't worry about how similar I dress to others in my workplace. And my immediate department, has slowly turned into the most "dressed up" one in the company. I suppose it can rub off.

Ginny

Veteran

I am so sorry he was so rude to you!! I love MaryK comments, keep those in your mental arsenal!!!! He is obviously the one with issues about dressing!!!! I thnk you look fab every post!!!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Good grief - what were you supposed to wear...oversized stained t-shirt and overalls???

FWIW I think you look fantastic and totally appropriate.

Kim

Veteran

Ask him if his brain KNOWS what his mouth is sayin'....

Di

(website)

Veteran

Kick him in the junk!

OK, maybe that's not really the best option. (Also, he sounds just like a doctor friend I have... and I have to confess, I've wanted to kick him, too.)

But lyn, there's not a think wrong with you. And my experience is that dresses are just awfully comfy. In fact, I changed out of jeans into a skirt today, because I don't like the feeling of being all bound up in denim.

Pffbt to him. He's a doofus. You're charming.

Patty

Veteran

"Dude!" point to plate "Fifteen buck burgers!!!!"

Did the others in the group have anything to say??

Or in the immortal words of Neil Young---"That's my style Man".

Scarlet

Veteran

Ha! Anywhere a burger costs 15 bucks is definitely a place where you can safely wear a dress. Anyway, just think of yourself as an artist and keep rocking your own style. I think it brings a little art to the every day and makes the world more interesting. Besides that I wish we could all carry MaryK around with us in our back pocket.

bj1111

Veteran

i think he has a crush on you and doesn't know how to make conversation.

anyway...maryk's comments are spot on. practice them with a teensy eyeroll or wink.

Sheila

Veteran

Sounds like this dude has mastered the instruction manual: "Open mouth; insert foot".

Queen Mum

Veteran

good grief! It never ceases to amaze me what will come out of some people's mouths. You looked great... comfortable, casual and classy. It's not like you were wearing a cocktail dress or something.
I've recently been asking myself why I always feel that I need to "lower" my dressiness to be more in line with others and decided that I'm going to stop that line of thinking. For example, last week I was going with a friend to hang out at the mall and have lunch. This is not a dressy type friend, and I was pretty confident she'd be in crop pants and a casual top of sorts. I ended up wearing my black handkerchief hem KK dress with flat gladiators and a casual pendant necklace. I felt really good in that outfit. My friend commented on what a cute dress it was and the salesgal in Lush was gushing over it. I realized that the world did not come to an end because I chose to dress a bit more smartly than my friend. In fact, I imagine she took notice of the fact that my outfit was complimented by a stranger. My friend didn't look sloppy in the least, but style and fashion is just not her thing. I need to be good with that, and she needs to also feel free to wear what she is comfortable in.
sorry to ramble and hijack your thread, but it has been something I've been pondering so thought I'd share my thoughts.

renae

LOL, Enginemom. It reminds me of when my husband talked me into going out to eat after a workout and no time to clean up. He said, "We won't see anyone we know." Of course, my boss and his family were there.

Lyn, my comment to you if we were out together would be, "I wish I looked as polished as you always do!"

Sara L.

Veteran

Oh, what an awful thing to say! I think you look great. I also always have problems with thinking what to say in the moment. My husband always dresses much more casual than me (case in point, see my 20-year reunion picture) and I've learned to just ignore it and dress how I want. You can't help the way other people dress, you just have to do your own thing.

Elly

Veteran

Patty-- you rock!!! I'm with Patty on this one.

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