Rae, I'm so glad that you were able to find another doctor on such short notice! It really is amazing how much difference there can be from one doctor to the next. We don't realize it until we really start "shopping around." It sounds like this one has a deep appreciation of what you are going through.

I hope the med helps you out. It sounds like just having this extra encouragement with the new doctor is boosting your mood. And I'm glad you're able to get out and do some fun things, like the wardrobe consult.

Hooray for the new doc!! And hooray for the fun session with the client! And most of all, hooray for YOU, for hanging in there and not giving up!!

Rae, So happy you were able to see someone right away and it sounds like she might be a better fit for you. And how exciting for the client home visit.

Rae, I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling so down. I hope your new doctor's perspective - and some more fun client interactions - help you get to a better place.

Really happy you had a better experience with this new doctor, Rae. It also seems significant that even in your depleted state you were able to enjoy the work with your client. Hang in there.

Glad that a fresh look was helpful. Impressed that you were able to connect so quickly. Taking care of yourself this way means a lot. Thanks for the update,

What a win/win with the client. Good to feel the glimmers of positive things. Often they accumulate over time and provide a roadmap.

All the best.

Rae, sorry you are feeling low. From my experience PTSD can change your brain where you do needs meds to help your brain heal. I also think it is important to work through any childhood issues. I watched my niece struggle so long with depression from life with her narcissistic mother. It wasn't until she severed the relationship and made the decision to move forward with her life that she got better. I have seen people with depression heal with drugs and I have seen them heal just from a decision to change their life. I watched a good friend who could not get off the couch for years and cried all the time. Her husband left her and that was the catalyst for her. She decided she had to change and she totally changed her life, dealt with her childhood issues, made friends, got a job, goes out and exercises a lot. Once she decided to change, her brain changed. Once I saw a description of depression that said it happens when we know we need to change but the change would cause more stress and so we get stuck. This may be very simplistic and certainly there are medical reasons for depression but often i think it is a signal that we need to change and let go of past issues. Easy to say but not always easy to do. I try, try to live in the present but it can be hard and as women sometimes pain can get stuck in our bodies.

I hope you can find a way to make money as a stylist. I think you would be great at it. I see many folks not treated well in retail sales but some people love it. Go with what your gut says. If you are not happy with it then maybe a change is due. Does visual merchandising have any appeal? Could you go out on your own as a stylist? I'm sure you have thought of these things and know more than I. I wish you all the best. You are so talented.

Just a thought on the sales piece, because as you know I also did sales at Nordies for a bit. It can be draining for sure, but look at all the SA's who have worked at Nordies forever. I know at my store we had people who had OPENED the store (18 yrs ago). So, in a way, I think it's all about how you internalize the daily struggles and interactions… and there is a LOT of up and down. I remember being on cloud 9 when I had a day with tons of sales, and then totally in the pits on a terrible day when I had thousands of dollars in returns, and a co-worker was ringing up a $$$ sale in front of my face….

Needless to say, I quickly transferred to the CS department (or whatever they call it now… Sales Experience?) because for ME, I couldn't handle it. I especially couldn't handle the up and down pay. To me that was draining, discouraging, maddening. But for others around me, they took it with a grain of salt. They knew that next pay period would be better. I think it just depends on your situation and how you react to these things.

So I wouldn't venture to say that as a whole the profession of sales will leave you unhappy… I think a lot of it has to do with you! So if you're unhappy with other things in life, work is going to be a lot harder too.

Just my thoughts. xoxo

So the new doc is a Psychiatrist, and does not do the therapy stuff. Dr. Shrink did both. I guess if I am going to stick with her, I will need to find a new therapist, too? I never knew it was compartmentalized like that.

Marianna, I am just like you in regards to sales/returns, ups and downs. I always knew I was not a capital-S Salesperson inside, and one of the things that does get me down is that whenever I try to explore other options I am told those are "not for me." And so it seems like the stress of returns will never end and all anyone wants me to do is move into another sales position or stay a stylist forever. Plus, of the people who have been there 20+ years, when I talk to them they basically say to get out if you can... o_0

Jeanie, the thoughts on change are very interesting. I felt that way when I left my old profession, and for a while I felt so good, like I was finally doing healthy things for myself. But these new lows are so much lower, and after making a big change it's like... what else? Can I just never be happy? I often fantasize about being an independent Personal Stylist, but I know I don't have the client base - half the people only come to me because it is "free."

I hear you, Rae. I was at Nordie's for several years while I was figuring out what to do next... And then things finally fell into place, I found a job I love and I'm good at, etc. What you're doing now looks great on your resume so it's a very worthwhile venture regardless of what you decide to do next. It will come together.

Yes, Rae -- the mental health field is quite compartmentalized. For good or ill, it's generally the case that psychiatrists prescribe while psychologists do therapy. There are others who do therapy as well (licensed clinical social workers, for example) and some psychiatrists still do it as well, but not as a matter of course.

It can be really hard to find a good therapist. Really hard. You have to mesh with that person in a particular way, but you don't want to assume that liking someone and looking forward to your sessions means they know what they're doing or that they can help you in the long run. A good therapy session --one that will ultimately move you forward, toward health -- will sometimes just not make you feel all that great in the moment. But a competent therapist will always make sure that you feel safe to speak truthfully, and keep you from going too deep too fast -- especially with PTSD stuff.

Best of luck to you in your search for the right provider. The best news about therapy is that almost any type works better than none.

Rae, I remember being in a place in my life when I was crying every day I went to work. I was really upset with my path in life and really didn't like my job. I would just ask....do you know why you are crying? You don't have to answer me but just ask yourself. A lot of times the answers are inside of us. When I was crying I knew why. I knew my employer was unethical and my heart was not in it. But I also have hormonal days where I have no idea why I'm crying. A friend gave me some Caroline Myss books and they were helpful to me. Might be something to check out. I have found that I become unhappy when I am not challenged and growing and that's when I start wondering why I am I not happy. Just food for thought. Everyone is different. This is just what I have learned.
You would have to learn how to sell and market yourself to work as a personal stylist but you could do it. It can be weird to charge for something you've done for free but you have skills and they are worth something. Maybe find some new folks and charge them....see how it goes.
Good luck on the therapist hunt. April summed it up well. Make sure to find someone who has experience with PTSD and gets you I hope you are feeling better soon.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I want to second the recommendation for EMDR. I don't have PTSD, but EMDR has done some incredible things for me that I didn't think possible. I'm looking to start it up again because I feel like I'm living on the edge of panic attacks.

Rae, thank you for reaching out to us and trusting us with your thoughts - that is a priceless gift. I'm so sorry to hear how bad things have been for you. On the plus side, your update with the new doctor and in-home client consultation sound wonderful; good for you! I hope things fall into place soon with the doctor and that you find a place of acceptance or a way out regarding work. You have the tools to be a stylist; never doubt yourself.

Rae darling, I have so much empathy for you. I will listen whenever you want to talk. PM me if you want my number.

Rae, I feel for you. Have you tried something like Keaton Row to get a foothold in the stylist business.

Hyperbole and a Half nails it, AG is right.

Rae, I'm so sorry this is going on. I don't know about your childhood issues, or much about The Incident that cause the PTSD, but I'm so glad you're seeing a new doc and hopefully you will get on the right path.
I can commiserate with you about Sales. It seems like every job in our society is becoming a Sales job, thinly veiled as customer service, or some other type of helping profession. Hubs was so disgusted with it at the Bank. He wanted to help people but the powers that be were only concerned that enough numbers and accounts were being churned. When he tried a lateral move, he was told that they had invested too much in his training to "demote" him (we didn't even care about the pay decrease). Luckily the airline called him back to flying, but now they expect the flight attendants to peddle credit cards! There is just no way around it.

The times I've tried anything even vaguely entrepreneurial, I've been turned off by the notion that I need to sell myself. I'm a thrifty but generous gal, and I always ended up giving away the store for free. So what you're experiencing doesn't seem unusual at all to me. Just because you've found yourself in a second career that isn't quite right doesn't read as some kind of personal failure. It's just another piece in the puzzle to figuring out what your niche is. Maybe you will end up as a personal stylist as your next step (before the film industry discovers your talent!). If you have the right business plan, explain your fees up front, and believe you are worth it, it just might take off. I believe you're worth it!

Aw, thanks for bringing this picture into my life, Anna.

I will have to process and reply further a bit later, but I am still checking this thread and appreciate every comment. XOXO

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Lol. That pic makes me happy!

Loved that Hyperbole and a Half series.

You know, this is probably sappy and very 80's "self help" to say but I remember a long time ago feeling very down and reading something that basically said (not a quote but as close as I can remember) - Happiness is up to you and no one can create it for you. You must *choose* to be happy in order to be happy. It's not automatic. Many people live their entire lives feeling somewhat or maybe a lot unhappy. There are a few people who truly have disorders that create an imbalance in the brain that they cannot control, and that imbalance can keep them from feeling happy, but those people are supposedly very few in numbers. For most people happiness is a choice made on a regular basis.

That really helped me, both at the time, and ever since that time.

I'm late here but just want to send supportive vibes your way. Lots and lots of great advice and support already. Hope every day is better for you.

Thinking of you Rae. Hope you are feeling better with the new doc. x

I came to OT to check this thread glad you found a Dr to help you. Finding a therapist is tricky sometimes but when you do I believe it is worth it.
Hang it there.

Ahh Allie Brosh is a genius!! Were you familiar with Hyperbole and a Half before Rae? I think you'd enjoy her work ^^ Her two pieces on depression are incredibly well written and insightful, with that special Allie way. They made a lot of things click in my brain when I first read them.