Culling reconsidered (pt. III of II) - YouLookFab Forum

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Culling reconsidered (pt. III of II)

Anonymous

Dear YLF,

You were right and I was wrong. I'm afraid I was a bit knee jerk in deciding to cull my striped dress and safari dress. Maybe I was just having a bad day, but I have seen the error of my ways. In addition, I'm hanging on to the Okalas until I figure out what I want to wear to my 30th class reunion next month. Of course the painful shoes and the misshapen dress will have to go.

I keep reaching for that darned striped dress because it is just so easy when I'm not in the mood to really get all dolled up. It will never be my favorite, and I might not buy it all over again, but it certainly is useful--and you have confirmed that it looks fine on me. With such a small wardrobe I really need to commit to my items through the end of the season at the very least. I need to just settle down and "dance with the one that brought me" instead of always looking over my shoulder to see if there's something better around.

I think I might suffer from something I'm going to name Urgency to Upgrade. I might not want more clothes, but I'm always looking for better versions of what I have. This was necessary in the beginning stages of my journey, but I think it has gotten out of hand. For instance I found myself on Angie's NAS picks, drooling over the tencel denim shirt (I already have one of these, but I like the new one better, of course). Then I saw that it came in white (What? That's more drapey than my stiff cotton Theory shirt) and beige! (Like a shirt version of a safari dress--what's not to love?) My heart started pounding out of my chest as I considered how to switch these three shirts into my wardrobe with out you or DH noticing. Hmmmm, I think I may have a slight problem, lol! Does anybody else struggle with this? I haven't even been able to look at all your lovely NAS purchases because I'm trying not to tempt myself.

General

31 replies

Latest reply was from unfrumped

Thistle

Veteran

I think everyone suffers from this to some extent or another. Human nature and all that. Part of it is knowing it, accosting it, and dealing with it.

More in a minute. Toddler hollering!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I totally fall victim to UtU (another acronym!). That's what sent me on the search for a new tote. And new sandals. Etc. I often justify it because the old items are getting a bit worn, but sometimes I just see some lovely thing that is so much nicer/more current/more covetable than the same-but-seemingly-inferior thing I already have. It can be a tough cycle to resist, especially when new pretties are so easily accessible here on YLF and on the web in general.

E

Veteran

Oh yes, I definitely struggle with this. I noticed this year that even though my wardrobe is very solidly stocked, that doesn't stop me from thrifting/looking for 'upgrades.' I love that you named it, and now I'm going to remind myself of that phrase when I find myself in that situation!

After reading that link that was posted about the woman who does a 40 item capsule wardrobe every season, I'm seriously considering shopping 4 times a year next year and that's it. No window shopping in between, either online or in thrift stores. Surely there are better reasons for me to leave the house than browsing at Goodwill! But notice how even then I won't undertake it right away, planning to start next year. That's because I'm hoping to move this fall & don't know if I'll have to tweak my wardrobe, but still...the problem is thrifting is so fun for me & doesn't violate my core ethics, so I go back and forth as to whether it's a problem or not. Recently I am thrifting far less than I used to (maybe once a month now instead of once a week), but then I have that Like Twice order & a boot search to occupy me instead. So I'm not sure if that's as much of a success as it seems on the surface.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Between Fear of Missing Out and Urgency to Upgrade describes my shopping habits. You're completely right - I don't know what's wrong with the stuff that I have, and if there was something really wrong with it, I'd have gotten rid of it awhile ago.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Well, as long as I have reached my CPW goal, I think I am happy to upgrade.
If the older version has actually been worn and enjoyed, then it justifies in my mind getting a new and hopefully better replacement.

(I am Clearly no help Claire!)

Anonymous

Ah, you guys always make me feel so much better.

To clarify, Lyn, the dresses I threatened to cull were new to me this season, which is only half-way over. I don't feel I can retire them guilt free yet.

carter

Veteran

Good heavens, yes! 2 of my 3 items on Mo's "if you could only buy 3 things" post are "upgrades". Both my black and taupe jeans are in perfect shape; however, I've come to love a lower rise. So, even the current trend toward mid and high rises can't keep me from wanting what is "better" for me. In fact, it's probably pushed them higher on my list of priorities because of FOMO while there may still be some lower rises available. Now that I think about it, maybe this is an Urge to Downgrade! So happy we can make these admissions here. My husband would so NOT get this;-)

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I can do this with some things but for me it is usually when the item is not 100% right for me. When something works I mostly stop looking for anything better - I just worry about wrecking it or it wearing out instead

deb

Veteran

I do not have your problem but I did order the tencel shirt in white.

Sal

Veteran

Interesting, at least you still had the dress, and you have learnt something. It is a great dress on you.

I felt something similar in the weekend, my black and grey knit blazer is still in good shape, and a useful piece, but I felt longing for a slightly trendier updated black blazer. I am resisting so far!

If I love something though I want the item to last and last and so I can wear it forever.

For me, the issue is the buying, not letting substandard items into my wardrobe in the first place. And this is hard with so much temptation especially when I try to support NZ retailers (otherwise how will they survive).

rae

(website)

Veteran

Yes, I chase the perfection dragon, lol. I missed your culling posts, but I purge so often that I am so familiar with passing an item on only to regret it - and also with doing all the mental switcheroos. I have a few things lined up to sell just in case my Fall orders are winners. This doesn't bother me, though. I had to come to terms with my love of novelty as well as my can-do spirit regarding upgrades. I suppose the reselling aspect really is what makes this feasible, though. Without that, I would also have to dance with the one who brought me.

Beth Ann

Veteran

Urgency to Upgrade! Brilliant discovery, Claire. I deal with this, although I think it's a stronger impulse in smaller wardrobes. I think I "take the edge off" the urge by having 3 "OK, but not perfect" pairs of black pants, instead of one perfect pair --- that I want to update. For me, I get all nervous thinking about tiny, minimal wardrobes, and I don't purge enough!

Perhaps, for the rest of the season at least, you should play about with the pardoned items --- can you make them more "you?"

Gigi

Veteran

Wow, glad I'm not the only one! I like how Rae phrased it: chasing the perfection dragon. It's tough because there's always a more perfect version of any given wardrobe item out there! I'm trying to stop myself by really asking if the additional expense is worth it for whatever improvement I'm going to see in the new purchase. Usually it's not. I also tell myself that if I spend money on a minor upgrade, I might not have enough money around to buy a HEWI when I come across one. Those two things usually calm me down so that I can say no.

lari

I had a bad case of UtU in the past. usually because the initial items were close but not exactly what I wanted, e.g. fit was great but colour slightly off or colour was spot on but material was flimsy. PPP concept helped me to stay strong and not to settle which led to building a capsule of clothes I am quite happy with. but I still need to watch for the cases when combination of price (low) and label (desirable) makes me want to buy things just because.

Deborah

Veteran

Claire I cannot wait to tell my DH I was right about something lol.. just kidding!

I totally get what you are saying. For me though I would replace but keep the existing item so that's is how my wardrobe grew out of hand... too many items that were almost perfect. The trick for me has been to hold out and buy the perfect for me item and learn to be satisfied with it. There are times though when budget will allow me to 'upgrade' and that is ok. And I do try to limit my online browsing as sometimes the temptation is too great.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Urge to Upgrade. Ah yes.

If we called it the Urge to Improve we'd have UTI's!!!!! (Eeeeew!!!!)

But honestly, it hurts that bad....

I do have this, but only when the item isn't quite right. I don't have it with items I truly love and feel great about. Or at least...(to clarify and come clean here, LOL) I don't have it about items I truly love, feel great about, and feel are CURRENT. They don't have to be trendy. But the minute something feels a bit dated, a bit overworn (by me), or on the passé side....ooops!!

Exhibit A: The cranberry and radiant orchid BR no-iron shirts I just put in my "to donate" bag yesterday.

These two shirts are gorgeous colours for me. GORGEOUS. I love them!! They are easy care and a good weight for winter.

But....you know what I'm going to say now, right?

They are super tailored, verging on too tight (or so it seems, now...) and one is two years old and the other is four years old. So they're not pretty new things. They're pretty old things. That don't feel current.

Have I worn them enough to earn a reasonable CPW or to feel as if it's "okay" to pass them along? Well, honestly...the orchid one, yes. I got it at a ridiculously low price in the first place, and wore it a lot, both springs and falls for 3.5 years.

The cranberry one, I'm not so sure. It was also bought on sale, but not as good a price. And I didn't wear it as often.

And if I had been diligently TRACKING wears I don't think I'd feel completely justified in donating either one of these, because they are, after all, "classics."

Which means they are somehow, emotionally, much harder for me to retire than my purposefully bought fast fashion from Zara or wherever -- even if the approximate price was the same.

Which is crazy, I know. It goes back to Janet's jacket purging thread. "If it's classic I should keep it forever, right?" Hmmm. Easy for someone else to tell me no. Not easy for me to tell myself to get rid of it. The WASTE!!!

In other words, Claire, I stand here, busted.

I am glad you are keeping the dresses and the Okalas at least until the end of the season. They do look good on you (especially those shoes!!) and I admire you for making them work. I am forcing myself to do the same with a few summer pieces of my own that I would like to "upgrade."

Oh. And those tencel shirts???? I almost put one in my own cart, even though I have a perfectly good chambray shirt from Halogen from last year!!!! ARGH!!

ElleH

Veteran

First of all I'm glad you're keeping those items. The dress looks great on you & you know I love those shoes. These items could also join the pile that Angie uses when closet editing for items that aren't quite right but fill a need so you keep them until you find the perfect replacement.

Perhaps you can learn from your desire to upgrade, to apply PPP more in future so you're happy with what you buy & don't need to upgrade. Then you can only let yourself be tempted by wardrobe hole fillers. I think we will always see better items if we look for them but just remember, when your existing items do wear out there will always be another one.

I hate it when an event forces me to settle because I can't wait for PPP & then I see one or more better versions of what couldn't be found anywhere when I needed it.

NAS is a particularly hard time for me because I have to guess what I think I might need instead of waiting for cooler weather to see if I manage with what I already have, so I want to overbuy instead of missing out what I might discover I need once it cools down.

ElleH

Veteran

Suz Angie says tailored is still current & always will be. It just isn't "look how modern I am". She just bought the tailored Smythe jacket. If you love those BR shirts keep.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Thanks, Elle. I know. I'm going to try them on again when it isn't quite as hot out and see how they feel. They are great to layer under a pullover (so the collars show and the flattering colours are near my face). So for that alone they may be worth hanging onto. And no real need to "upgrade" a simple layering piece.

Anonymous

E, I really used to enjoy running up to Goodwill at least once a week. It usually only cost me a dollar or two if I went on Dollar Day, and it provided a few hours of happy entertainment in A/C that wasn't too cold. Now that I'm keeping each season's core items to ten, there is less room for recreational shopping, although I can always look for accessories. I'm starting to get to the point where I know exactly what I want, and that is when thrifting no longer makes sense (because you and I both know I will find everything but that at the thrift store lol).

carter, you're going to be a prime candidate for thrifting as low-rise pants and jeans are starting to show up there. Win-win! Plus I think rise is more a question of body type. I don't thing moderately low rises will date anytime soon. My DH is so glad YLF gives him a break from all my closet talk!

Kiwigal, good for you for buying locally. My problem with making the mistake "at the buy" is when I simply can't find anything better, and I want to wear the item NOW (as in the case of my beige safari dress). I think this is called a placeholder. I need to be more mindful and not buy them "just because", if I can possibly hold out.

Beth Ann, I can certainly try to make them "more me" but when I'm just wearing a dress and shoes, there's not much left to play with. I did wear my hair straight with the striped dress the other day and that seemed to help a lot.

Gigi, you are SO right! I'm quite sure no one but I would even notice these upgrades (that's why I thought I could manage a sneaky switch out). If so, I wouldn't be getting much bang for my buck, would I?

Suz, you are so funny! No UTI's allowed around here! Can you belive I almost PMed you to alert you to the tencil denim shirt? I knew you wanted a drapey one. Mine has mended tears where I hulked through the back placket, but it is not ready to be retired yet. I'm just not all that crazy about the arty split hem in the back that reaches my waist. Fingers crossed that the new tencil shirt will still be available when one of us needs a replacement. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the fitted shirt is on it's way to becoming a "dated" classic. I suspect boxier classic shirts will become the norm in a few years. How does it feel to be ahead of the curve these days?

Elle, good thoughts. I indeed had a pile in the corner of my bedroom while I made sure. You and the others are right. I need to take a Sharpie and write PPP on my debit card!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh, that would have been hilarious if you had PM'd me on the shirt! I stared and stared at it last night, longingly, but did not succumb to the dreaded UTU. I just may be "recovering." Let's hope I do a better job in rehab than Toronto's mayor.

And yes, I think you're right -- the fitted shirt does feel as if it's temporarily on its way out. And these ones may be just a touch TOO fitted, if you know what I'm saying. Or I may not fit them any more, even though I'm supposedly the same size. Hmmm.

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

We all have that dreaded disorder at one time or another, don't we? Isn't there a vitamin for it? Ah, yes, our friends here on YLF!

Claire, I admire your so much for your thoughtfulness in assessing and processing and coming to terms with things. I'm glad you're saying yes to the dresses; they are staples that fit well in your wardrobe and have earned a place, even if you are looking over there shoulder at times (I won't tell!).

There will be another striped dress in your future, so enjoy the one you have until it's spent and then you can move on knowing you had good times together.

Sharon

Veteran

I'm glad you kept the striped dress, Claire. I think it looks really good on you. One upside of wanting to upgrade is that it confirms a choice. You have to really like an item in the first place to be prepared to drop more money to get a better version of it. I can imagine that this is the path to developing a distinctive individual style.

Anonymous

Suz, too funny. We were lusting after the same shirt. And about the fitted shirts, I'm sure your just feel so tight and restricting after enjoying more boxy BF button-fronts. Even "our" navy and cream striped BR sweater feels awfully snug up under the arms to me now.

Vicki, YLF friends are the best medicine of all! I can always count on you for understanding and support...whatever crazy antics I may be up to. Thank you for the good advice too.

Sharon, That is a very good point, and an encouraging thought. And from the exit interview I gave the striped dress, I know what I won't be looking for in the future.

Neel

Veteran

Urge to upgrade ... Thanks for the warning

I have implemented the one in one out policy and this *urgency to upgrade* could be a massive roadblock related to smaller wardrobes! Mine is not in the least bit small....but you know .. Temptation!

Oh I am soooo glad you kept the striped dress. It looks beautiful on you! And I want to repeat Peri's wise words "You don't have to love everything in your wardrobe ... Liking most and loving few should do"(sic)

Anonymous

Ooo, Neel, I missed where Peri said that. What a good quote. Although my aim when I buy is to love everything, it's nice to be given permission to miss the mark a little and be happy with just "like" --if it turns out that way. It takes off so much pressure! Thank you.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Yikes - I can relate all too well Claire and Suz. In fact I just ordered said tencil denim shirt. sigh. I have purchased 3 denim shirts and none are truly comfortable and I couldn't stop looking for an upgrade. I will say I've been contemplating it for quite some time (before NAS) so at least I made a longer term decision. But if it doesn't work I'd better figure it out right away this time. The others I let languish and missed the chance to return. Two at least I've worn a few times, but not enough.

I also have culled a bunch of stuff recently. Most of it fits, and technically looks "OK" but I don't want to wear it. They don't make me feel great. Do I "need" to feel "great" every day? I don't know. It doesn't even make sense because I can put on my DIY denim shorts and an old tee and feel just FINE. So how is it that I don't feel fine in a blouse that is really pretty but just not *exactly* what I wanted? I can't explain.

jackiec

Veteran

Great post! Resonates with me as well. I'm glad you're hanging on to those things for awhile. I've been doing my share of purging as well - but for a few things I did give pause, and hang them back up. I have the closet space, so figure I can let things hang out there for a bit longer. We do change as the seasons change, and events come up. Urgency to Upgrade - I love it (and have it).

Lisa

Veteran

This is so me! It is hard to shop the boutique when there are so many lovelies that are in the stores right now. And that is precisely why I made myself update my fall/winter wardrobe from the boutique first. Otherwise I'd be off scampering around the store collecting every fab item that strikes my fancy just like a squirrel collecting nuts. And I'd be left with yet another fragmented wardrobe. Now that you know why these pieces do and do not work for you, you will be able to shop for a proper replacement. And I have raided my donate bags before.

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