Confession of a seasoned mom to be: - YouLookFab Forum

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Confession of a seasoned mom to be:

Ledonna N.

Veteran

I never wanted a baby shower especially at my age. I started to slowly make my big ticket item purchases myself. Then others donated gently used items. We are set for baby gear.

My sister & oldest neice convienced me to have a clebratation of Princess Nugget. What we truly need is the little things. Diapers and or gift cards or a "love offering"

Thanks for.lettimg me vent.

Maybe it sounds ungrateful but I don't mean to be. People ask you what you need. You tell them the truth then they don't want to accept it. Humans are funny.

Off Topic

35 replies

Latest reply was from Ledonna N.

Anonymous

This is my suggestion, coming from a place with generous family and friends. People want to be able to get you/her something, and often in the beginning you cannot stop this from happening. This comes from a good place, and Maybe it can be channeled, but maybe not. A little older - a yearly membership to a nearby zoo, for example. Something you would be purchasing anyway, like books or a toy you really like, so it is a useful item. These gifts will dissipate as time goes on, and it is important if someone is trying to celebrate to let them, IMO. Or, if they want to get the cute little baby clothes, for example, you skip that entirely and you purchase the useful boring items. It's harder to get people to want to get the boring necessary stuff, so I would let them buy the fun things and worst case, you can regift or pass along with little fanfare later. I never could get anyone to contribute to a 529. Ha ha. It was always fun stuff. I also suggest a themed baby shower if you can skew it in a direction that would be helpful. Like a Dr. Seuss theme, and everyone helps stock the baby library.

Anonymous

It's usually such a joyful and exciting event that everyone wants to be a part of it. I would let that generosity flow. Plus, you get to eat cake!

Ledonna N.

Veteran

So true and such wisdom.

columbine(erin)

Veteran

Later on, if people ask what your baby needs for a birthday or such, I might direct them to a well thought out Amazon wish list. I do this for my boys. For baby showers, well, I'd just let people do what they want to do! It's to celebrate a new baby and welcome you to motherhood. Everybody just loves you and wants to show it in their own way. I don't know about your family and friends, but some people find it really rude or tacky request gift cards instead of gifts. They'd rather pick out an adorable baby outfit to give. One idea I've seen work well is to have a friend organize a group gift, say, everyone gives $5 dollars or whatever they like towards a certain car seat, pack n play, swing, baby carrier, baby tub, baby bedding. I guess it sounds like you already took care of the large items, though. I hope you enjoy the baby shower!

deb

Veteran

I felt like you do with my children. I finally decided that what I really wanted were books. So we had a party and everyone brought their favorite children's book.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Thank you columbine. Trying not to be tacky or rude.

Anonymous

One other thing - sometimes it's the thing you didn't know you wanted or needed that ends up being THE thing. The thing they love, the thing that soothes them. The thing that helps them sleep. You won't know till it comes, and each kid has a different thing.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Thanks Delurked that is true. Trying not to justify to much stuff.

Glory

Veteran

Everyone wants to share in your joy. I would simply go with the flow and enjoy all that love! If you receive things that you cannot use, wait a bit and then donate to another mom who can use them. My fave thing is always books!

rachylou

Veteran

Register and only put diapers on the list, hehe. Or... in secret, open a popup baby shop... I met a lady who did that to sell all her junk. Lol.

I've given up using occasions to get what I need/want. My brother hasn't. My ex's family had a tradition - Day After X-Mas, they all got in the car together and exchanged all the gifts they'd given each other. Lololol!

And I mean every single one. Ahaha!

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Rachylou- You should write a book I would purchase as many as I could. You are a balm to the soul. And funny to boot.

Glory Thanks so much I should just sit back and enjoy.

JAileen

Veteran

My husband's office put on a shower for us before our son was born. Everyone was in their 20s without any children of their own. It was really sweet of them, but I had never seen such a bunch of clueless people before. One person actually gave us baby perfume.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I think thats true in all things, Ledonna. I used to get so mad when I hosted Thanksgiving. I would need someone to agree to bring certain things, but nobody would. My mom would bring dessert....but not pumpkin pie. Everyone expected pumpkin pie so I still had to make it. I have calmed down now, though. I realized that you have to let people give what they want, even if it makes your life more complicated. It's about them feeling like they did something, rather than about getting any actual help.
Yep, people are weird!

MsMary

Veteran

I like the idea of registering only for diapers. Lovely Husband and I did something similar for our wedding -- we registered mainly for bottles of wine! LOL

That said, the non-bottles-of-wine items on our registry went first. People want to give a tangible token of their love. So look at the registry and pick out a few things. Books are always good and you can never have too many. Washcloths, towels -- same. And you can register for gift cards most places.

Alas, there isn't and never will be a polite way of asking for cold, hard cash. LOL

Enjoy your party!

rabbit

Veteran

My sister puts things she wants or needs for herself or her nephew on her Amazon wish list whenever they occur to her. So if a birthday or holiday is coming up I can always just check that, and it includes lots of random practical things too. I just got her an oven mitt, lol.

Lots of good advice in this thread to welcome all gifts, but maybe also have a registry someplace like Target, drug stores, or Amazon where you can list very practical needs (maybe you can list gift cards even?) and let the organizer know so they can pass that along on invites.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

So much great wisdom and advise. We decided to register at Babies R' Us for Diapers. Stages 1 and up. I just put out where we are registered. Lol

I know people will do there own thing. I'm so not in control of anything at the moment.

I think I'm getting to a fustrated point in my pregancy where I just want to sleep until little nugget arrives.

True story.

A Facebook friend wanted to send me an expensive bracelet for nugget. I said that would be to much and declined the gift. We kept talking back and forth. I told her we have everthing we. Could want.

She was so insistent. I finally said you. An purchase her a christening gown made from African Fabric. This whole thing took about a fustrating hour. I was just like why did you even ask.

Sorry I'm trying tp be civil. I just want to eat tacos and get a full 8 hrs of sleep. and want to be the only one in my body for the rest of my life.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

"want to be the only one in my body for the rest of my life." I still remember how that felt and it has been like 18 years.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

UmmLila yep, I guess that is a memory that sticks with you. I dont regret anything I'm just ready and trying to wait.

Anonymous

Oh, sweetie - there is no greater invasion of privacy than sharing your body with another human being! I know there are women who find pregnancy to be a wonderful state of being. - and more power to them. I personally found it to be an absolute violation. Totally, completely, utterly worth it - but still a royal uncomfortable pain.

As for the shower - honestly, if you have what you really need - let people give what they want. Better yet, what do you think about expanding that registry to include some cute little outfits, books, hooded towels that YOU like. It seems silly, but nothing is more fun than a shower where all these adorable little baby things get passed around and each and every woman present gets a chance to "oooh" and "aaah". It's about the party and the love in the room, not what you go home with. Of course, you already know that, but is DAMN hard to remember when your hormones are a mess, and you have to pee every 2 hours and even if you didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to pee you can't really get comfortable in bed anyway, etc. etc.

PS Keep eating those tacos! I am a firm believer in the spicy-food-speeds-delivery theory!!

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Rycre you have hit the nail on the head exactly.

I swear i literally feel her growing everyday.

My 2 hr commute i know where every available bathroom or McDonald's is.

I have to acknowledged those hormones and trying not to take it out on people.

I'm just gonna let people do them.

I know I'm cranky insomnia from 11 at night until 4 or 5 in the morning is a joy killer.

I just dont have the energy of someone half my age.

All good will be worth it in the end as baby nugget plays football with my kidney

RobinF

Veteran

I also remember those last days of pregnancy. You're just ready to get on with things. It's tough but it'll be worth it (and the crankiness is totally understandable!). Your friends and family just want to celebrate with you, might as well let them and I bet you will enjoy it once you're there. I think it's fine to register for useful items and agree with the book suggestions too.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Diaper registry is a great move. And is there anything you want for you?
Money for a babysitter/or a volunteer to sit for your first night out? Champagne to enjoy after Nugget arrives? A cute robe for you for your after baby not back to normal body? An after baby

massage/pedicure/etc.?

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Thanks Robin I'm hopeful that I'll be able to sit back and relax.

Barbara Diane - I'm actually planning a staycation/baby moon lol.

2 weeks before we are do I'm getting thr full works selfcare.

Everything is has been for baby the past 8 1/2 months. It's time for some selfcare. I never thought about after. Thst is a gift I will plan for also. Our village is very strong so I will have me time. Thank you for reminding me.

Joy

Veteran

Nature has been preparing you for not getting a full night's sleep for months. Same with having to learn where all the restrooms are. That will come in handy after Little Nugget arrives to. Start watching for which ones have good clean changing stations. Then there will be a time when a toddler tells you she needs to go and can't wait. You will love it.

Joy

Veteran

I forgot...the shower. If several people want to go together, a month or three of a diaper service for those first weeks is wonderful. You will be too tired to do diaper laundry. ( I did not use disposables and saved a lot of money. No midnight diaper runs either). However, if using daycare, you must provide disposables most places.

Isabel

Veteran

You don't sound ungrateful at all. There is nothing wrong with voicing what it is that will be useful for you ! So have your sister and niece tell people. Lots of great ideas. Yes, a diaper service, a twice a month cleaning service ! The amazon wish list !

This didn't happen when I had my children but I did it for a few weeks when I was having my cancer treatments and my kids were little. Whatever energy I had was spent on them. So someone came in twice a month to do the heavy cleaning. Took the burden off my husband too.

That is a WONDERFUL gift. More time and rest with your baby and .

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Thank yoi ladies so much wisdom. I especially like rhe idea of a cleaninv service.

unfrumped

Veteran

Echo everything.
If you pick things on a registry that you might actually need, it's often a relief to people to buy from that, and you can usually exchange items without receipt since they can track it your registry. That would allow you to get something you'd not thought of later.

viva

Veteran

I just want to eat tacos and get a full 8 hrs of sleep.

I remember those days.

Just let the shower happen, realize that people need to give, and that you can in turn donate what you can't/won't keep (someone will want it). Then, when it's all over, ask your sister and niece to pick up some tacos for you, help you get as comfortable as you can, and let you sleep as long as possible. You will deserve it.

xxxxx

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