I think I know what you mean because I'm sure I've been there. Like some of the others here, I'm a grandmother and have undergone several style evolutions. I like that word. I think it's what happens as fashion shifts, and our lives shift (and our tastes and our budgets).

Aspiration is that wonderful territory between who we are and who we want to be. We aspire in our careers. We aspire in our appearance. I aspire not to look like a grandmother or, if I must (because I will never again be 30), to look like a hip and stylish woman of that age. We work with what we have and use all of our accumulated knowledge to do it.

I've read and heard and seen it said that the epitome of having your own style is making it look effortless. Effortless for you. Effortless on you. I think that vibe comes from confidence in what you're wearing. Liking what you're wearing. Liking the way you look. I embraced Marie Kondo's decluttering mantra not long ago because it was so perfect for defining both my wardrobe and my life. It must give joy. If we love the clothes in our closets and we love wearing those clothes, that might be the cohesion we all seek. Joy pulls our "look" together.

At least, I think so. I've been completely out of step with my closet in the past. Right now I'm completely in step. The transition periods are the most frustrating. We know where the gaps are. We know what's not quite working yet. Instant fixes are hard to pull off. They may not even be possible. Sometimes what needs to happen isn't the clothes, it's what's going on in our own head as we step from one mental place into another.

Gosh, I'm rambling. Need more coffee. All I really want to say is you're (all of us) are doing just fine.

Ladyone, respectfully, that depends entirely on the sensibility of your aspirational style - which differs enormoulsy between people. You're lucky that you can find yours in thrift and consignment stores. That does not hold true for everyone, unfortunately.

Suz, rotten luck I know. Orange is not your colour and overly drapey styles don't light your fire either. Onto the next fab wildcard - and we can help you if you like.

Well, I'd take cohesion and happiness over fantasy any day. I posted a mini-essay on Una's thread because your comments got me thinking about fantasy aspirations vs, day-to-day dressing. I'm not going to repeat it here, but just offer the thought that maybe your current wardrobe IS more reflective of your personal style because it is your real-world expression of yourself in your current setting. Dressing in your fantasy version might end up defining you in unexpected ways if you do not live in a fashion-conscious environment. Maybe the "personal" in personal style is about that adaptation.

Thanks again for all your answers, I enjoyed reading each one of them.

@Twinkling
Yes, that sounds familiar. I do think I'm usually taking the safe route so I don't have to deal with any of that. It might be time to take some (controlled) risks. But of course it's easier to go for the things that you guess will work for you, when you have little budget to spend and want to be dressed decently.

@Ladywone
Sounds like you found a way to make it work for you! Awesome. And I agree with you about making things happen even without a big budget, to a degree. I can understand what Angie said too, but I do think you can go a long way if you're patient and put some thought into it. Of course it would all be easier if I had money to throw at the problem, but that doesn't mean I can't succeed even on a budget.

@Laura
Thanks for the commiseration! And yes, it's true that it's easy to get in a bit of a rut if you choose your clothes just for practicality and remixing possibility. Although I wonder if it really needs to be that way, maybe I'm just not creative enough yet.

@Approprio
I would be interested to know why you feel the need to focus and purge. Sounds like you're a mood dresser and your outfits seem to reflect you very well. Do you feel a disconnect with any of the things you're wearing? Or is it just that it might look confused to the outsider? Maybe one aspect of your style is the fact that it is eclectic, to a certain degree.

@Eva
Yes, I would say I pick my purchases more according to the current wardrobe. Of course I do have to keep wearability in mind, but it might be a good idea to keep the style fantasy more in mind as well. And that "top down" closet cleanout sounds like a good suggestion. I might do that, without really cleaning out the closet, but theoretically - to see where I want to go with what I have and how those pieces could work in that new wardrobe. I don't think I'm very far off in my dressing btw, but it's enough to feel not quite satisfied with a lot of my outfits in everyday life. I don't see a huge shift happening, but a lot of little tweaks, maybe.

@Suz
Ooh, I remember when Steph had you do that exercise... I recall something about houndstooth?! (You can tell me if I'm crazy.) This is a great exercise. Although I think I might have difficulties pinning just one specific outfit down.

@Marlene
Yes, availability is a big problem, I agree. I've been doing a lot of online shopping, even though I really would prefer to see things for real and try them on.

@Una
I think you're wildly successful implementing that strategy! I can always recognize your outfits as yours. Thinking about the spin your essentials should have is a great idea.

@Angie
I get what you're saying and sometime this really might be true, but I think I'm leaning more towards Ladywone's opinion that you don't need to compromise your sense of style if you don't want to. Sure, it might be more difficult, but I don't like the idea of thinking of a compromise as a necessity. And yes, I should think about some wildcards. But it's hard to think of spending on a wildcard if you're not feeling as if you have the basics down.

@Daria
Yes, that's true - there will be changes in the future and my wardrobe will probably change with it. That's just how it goes.

@Joy
I hate to think of you being anxious because of clothes! You're always looking wonderful. I do think I've always wanted to be more dressy, but at the same time I'm a practical person at heart and also have a little tomboy in me. I do have to find a way to bring those two apparent opposites together.

@Shiny
Yes, travelling a lot certainly doesn't make it easier... As for compromise and style - I actually don't think what you mentioned is a big problem for me because most things I'm drawn to actually work rather well on me. There's no aspect to my fantasy style that would never work for me. I'm naturally drawn to the colors that suit me best and I think my preferred cuts and lines mesh rather well with my figure too. Of course there are some tweaks necessary, but there isn't a huge divide.

@Caro
Wise words.

@Lyn
Well I could of course. But looking put together is more important to me, I think. Making some changes might be better to evolve my style, but I don't want to do it if it would mean being uncomfortable in between. I think it has to happen organically or it won't happen at all. Does that make sense?

@Summer
Yes, it's much more difficult if you have to keep on course over a long time, with planning purchases in the long run and everything. To me it always happens that I buy something that I think will work well towards my aspirational look, just to have it all change when I come to the point of buying the other items to go with it. If I've been successful the old item works just as well with the changed preferences. But sometimes, not so much. I do think this is getting better recently, though. I feel more settled in my likes and dislikes, now.

@Style Fan
I like the look of some Trippen shoes I've seen. Definitely not my style, but they're rather cool and I can admire them on other people. Shoes in general are definitely a problem for me too, I have wide feet and don't want to compromise too much on fit when I buy shoes.

@Staysfit
Yes, very sensible to work towards the mood you want, but implementing it in a way that works for your life. I definitely want to do the same, I don't want to end up with clothes that don't work for my life, just because I thought they were beautiful or because I looked good in them in the dressing room.

@Author Linda
YES! Having it look effortless. That's the key. And it's true, you can see when someone's just playing and the look isn't true to them. When I was a teen I was pretty much a tomboy and every try my friends made to put me into something more girly was unsuccessful. I could borrow clothes as much as I liked, I just looked off in things that looked perfectly natural on other people. Luckily I've now decided that the only person who's going to dress me is myself.

@Gaylene
Yes, that's true. And actually my fantasy looks weren't differing much from my reality looks, it was more that the weather wasn't cooperating or something. The whole fantasy vs. reality challenge was rather abstract to me, because I just can't imagine absolutely LOVING a look that I wouldn't wear in everyday life. Like I said a while ago, the love for my things (and my outfits) comes with wear. But the challenge made me aware that right now I'm just not quite where I want to be, with my style. Not far off, as I said to Eva, but the majority of my outfits just don't quite hit the right note at the moment. Off to read your mini-essay, now.

"The whole fantasy vs. reality challenge was rather abstract to me, because I just can't imagine absolutely LOVING a look that I wouldn't wear in everyday life."

This sums up the issue for me. I love all kinds of out-there looks that I wouldn't - or really couldn't - wear in real life. I focus on adding just enough "out there" factor to pass in my work life. At a recent work event, my Gidigio boots got lots of comments. You, on the other hand, define what you like by what is realistically wearable. Don't you think that may be the crux of the matter?

And you have wonderful, distinctive style. Gaylene's comment on my cohesive thread makes a lot of sense - in the end, we are what we choose, right?

Thanks Una. And yes, Gaylene was right on point, as usual.

I just wanted to hop in and thank you Astrid, for starting this post. And for all the fabbers that made such wonderful comments and observations. I can't tell you how many nuggets of information... sentences written... really resonated with me, and got me thinking. I started to write a response last night but didn't have the brain power to articulate things properly. And now I don't have the time. But I am going to favourite this and come back and read it a few times.

Astrid, three things:

• You have your essentials MORE than covered - even after the weight loss. (At least, that's what I can piece together from your posts).
• Start a thread about wild cards.
• Happy, cohesive outfits are amazing - and possibly more amazing than fantasy outfits because they are real. High five, Gaylene.

Elizabeth, I'm glad you found this helpful.

Angie, it's kind of you to say so, but I don't feel as if I have it covered. There's too many days when I have no clue what to wear and I have to be very careful to keep up with the laundry. What do you mean, a thread about wildcards?