Can't do own hair :( - YouLookFab Forum

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Can't do own hair :(

Mochi

Veteran

I'm feeling bummed. First pic shows my hair today; the other two were taken at the salon and at home afterward. Saturday I finally had to wash and style my own hair. I used the product she sold me and the directions seemed pretty straightforward.

It may seem like a negligible difference, but I don't think it looks anywhere as awesome. The curls at my forehead seem stringier. And at the sides of my head, more chaotic and frizzy. It's just not the same.

I paid a high-end salon price for the cut and temporary color that'll last a few weeks, which isn't typical for me. Add on a tip and that is a lot.

The stylist is also a casual friend. I don't know her that well but we are associates thru tango and her friend who was the one who urged me to go to her is one of my closest friends. I already have an eight-week appointment booked and am considering cancelling, and no matter what I will have to talk to her about it.

I'm sad. I just feel like I can't take care of a simple thing like a basic haircut upkeep. I don't want to pay her to spend any more time helping me out. She'd have to do it for free, and her salon is about 40 minutes away. It really was a big deal for me to go to her.

Sorry for venting here.

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39 replies

Latest reply was from lyn67

Marlene1

I have curly hair and just want to say that curly hair is unpredictable. Experiment with the amount of product (maybe your stylist used more?)
Applying product to damp hair and twisting into little "snakes", then air drying makes my curls smoother and more defined.

Sometimes I need to use a curling iron - not because my hair is not curly but because I want bigger, smoother, more defined curls. And sometimes I don't need to use the curling iron - it looks good on it's own.

So it may not be your styling skills - curly hair has a mind of it's own.

Jules

Veteran

Mochi, this is better results than I usually get trying to style my own hair vs. the stylist...
Not being able to "do hair" very well is something that really frustrates me, yet I am not willing to put the time in watching youtube, practicing or even day to day (my stylist spent A REALLY LONG TIME drying my hair on Saturday, like way past the point of "dry", my hair had tons of volume, but I just do not have the time or patience for that....). Remember they are professionals who have trained to do this and they want you to walk out of there looking GREAT. It's hard to duplicate that at home.
This looks like a good cut to me, meant to work with your great hair texture and be relatively low maintenance.

BlondeAmbition

I think you did a pretty good job replicating the do. Look if we could all do our hair as well as a stylist can we'd never go to a salon, you just can't expect perfection.

My hair is totally different than yours, long, straight, and fine. I used to look horrible all the time because I had no idea how to style my hair. I refused to spend a bunch of time curling and drying and styling my hair. But then I started watching youtube videos and learned a few tricks and started practicing. It's taken a couple of years of practice but I'm now at a point where I walk out of the house and look great. I get compliments on my hair every day and it feels really good. If I can't spare 15 minutes on myself to look and feel great then I have no business complaining. Practice practice practice!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

It looks to me like you may just need more conditioning product and a little patience to finesse those curls into the shape you want. Keep practicing - it takes time to get it right. And you may not be able to exactly replicate what the salon does, but you should be able to get close after some trial and error. Curly hair does tend to have a mind of it's own and so many things can impact it - humidity, product, dry scalp, etc. I would use a tiny bit more of whatever leave-in conditioner she recommends - and be very gentle when applying it to your curls. I use a very small amount of jojoba oil or argan oil as a final way to smooth out any rough/frizzy parts. I first rub it into clean hands and then use my hands to gently smooth (sometimes I use just a few fingers to smooth over curls with the oil if I'm wearing my hair curly).

How did you initially dry your hair after you washed it? Did you use a towel and blot it gently or did you rough it up at all?

Mochi

Veteran

I always air-dry it. Once the product is in and the curls are shaped, I don't touch it.

RobinF

Veteran

I also have curly hair and agree that it is very unpredictable. I have had the same experience as you many times, it is just hard to get the same look that a stylist does. And then as it grows out the curl keeps changing. It looks to me like maybe she used more styling product in it than you did, could that be it?

Aziraphale

Veteran

First off, your self-styled hair looks fabulous to me.

I have very wavy, nearly curly hair and it's unpredictable. Like others have said, it goes with the territory. Some days it looks great, and some days it really doesn't. I know it's a good cut when I don't have many of the bad days.

You know Sally from Already Pretty? She has gorgeous curly hair like yours, and was very frustrated by the fact that her hair only looked good (in her eyes) a small percentage of the time, while the rest of the time it looked passable or (again, in her eyes) bad. Her solution was to chop it all off and flatiron it. The result was funky but deeply unflattering. If it were me, I'd keep the beautiful curls and put up with the odd weird hair day.

BrieN

Veteran

For me, hair will be the final frontier.. after clothes and makeup. From what I've sussed out though, typically the difference between salon and home has a lot to do with "product". I know you used some at home, but I'm wondering if she used more. Would you consider giving her a call at the salon and asking about how much to use and any other pointers she might have? How she handles that phone call might be a good sign for if she will be a good fit for you moving forward.

Mochi

Veteran

I'm not sure, RobinF (I'm cross posted with two posts now). I don't think she used a lot. Actually to me it feels "greasier" (product residue-y) now than when I left the salon.

I realize it's never the same as when a stylist does it. I'm just doing a cost-benefit analysis out loud here. I don't think this is a good enough result. BUT I agree I have to watch some videos and attempt to master this before I give up on her future cuts. It really was a simple process when she put the product in, though. We're not talking about a blow-dry which I know I'm completely inept at.

Chris987

Veteran

I have fairly straight hair and I also can't really duplicate what my stylist does. It's frustrating sometimes but as others have said they are pros at this and we the customers are not. I think it's a fairly common phenomenon. I try to watch what she's doing very carefully but I just can never exactly duplicate it. It does take a little experimentation but maybe you should give it another try with some of the ideas mentioned here by people who do have curly hair.

Mochi

Veteran

Thanks, everybody. This just triggers feelings of general ineptness.

Meredith

Veteran

I have wavey hair and feel your pain. Your hair looks great to me, but I understand the second guessing. Just throwing out some cheap ideas to play with...maybe try drying with a cotton t-shirt or microfiber towel? I think one of the differences between home and the salon is the time between washing and styling is longer at the salon and the hair is just a bit dryer. A microfiber towel could soak up some of that extra water (and I've seen them at Target for $7).

Meredith

Veteran

And you should not feel inept! #thestruggleisreal

Eliza

Veteran

Mochi- you came very close and a good cut helps all of us. Humidity makes a big difference, also. My hair never looks exactly like my stylist did it. She claims that her hair looks better done by her stylist, too.

My hair is very thick, with lots of waves. Every day is different. It can easily be smoothed and coaxed into a neater style some drier days and at other times the volume explodes and my head hardly fits through a doorway. I let it go wavy those days and do a lot of experimenting with products, though I add little by little.

Hang in there!

Mochi

Veteran

Meredith, BWAH! Lol, yes, the struggle is real.

Thanks again. I'll also consider having it more dry before applying the product. I think she did that.

First world problems

Jules

Veteran

I think we all sometimes feel like we are supposed to just know how to do certain things (perhaps especially gendered things...). But just like my husband can't expect to innately know how to fix stuff around the house (despite what his male ego may tell him), I can't expect to just know how to do hair.

*This is really about me, not some veiled way of telling you how to feel*

Also, I loved it when Luanne on King of the Hill got her fingers hopelessly stuck in the hair trying to do french braids at hairdressing school!

merwoman

Veteran

I feel your pain Mochi! My thoughts are very similar to Texstyle - you're just about there!
My sisters were endowed with the hair styling and make up application genes, I realized at a young age after burning myself repeatedly with a curling iron that I am not in the same league at all.
I gave up for many years until I saw my mother rock a blowdryer...and then I thought GAME ON - if she can do it, so can I. I watch my stylist very carefully and she gives me pointers. At the beginning my results were not so great. I'd always book a blow out before special occasions, not trusting what might happen if left to my own devices. BUT, with practice I am mostly (always that qualifier) satisfied with the results. In fact sometime I prefer what I do over the stylist.
You're on the right track!

Anonymous

Don't overreact and cancel your appointment - yet, anyways. The first time styling your new hair cut is ALWAYS going to be a challenge, and it's not a reflection of her skills as a hair stylist. Give it some time - a few more washes, experimenting with how much and where you use the product etc. And all good stylists will be happy to help you if you go back in and ask her to show you once again how to get the look you want. Don't feel sheepish about asking, either. Have another cup of coffee , and breathe

AviaMariah

Veteran

I bet after a couple more tries you'll get it down pat. You probably just need to adjust the amount of product you use.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

As someone who recently went through the same thing and went the curly/wavy route, I can totally relate to you. But I have to say.....you're not being fair to yourself. Or to your stylist.

You've done a pretty good job here, Mochi. It looks great. But will your hair look the *same* after you style it yourself the first time? No, it's not! And it's not because you're inept. It's because you're new to this. And you're no expert.....just yet

A stylist knows exactly how to style hair. It's their job! They see a lot of hair and instantly know what looks best on whom. You, however, will need practice. I'm assuming she gave you a product to work into still damn hair and scrunch to get the whispy curls. I'm only guessing here...because that's what my stylist did. But my stylist knew exactly how to move her fingers in a way to tease my curls....give me a professionally done look....and I still have to learn that. Same applies to you.

Note the difference in the pictures below. #1 is right after my hair appointment. That's what the stylist did. #2 is what I did the next day. And #3 is today after my first wash. It's not the same....but that doesn't mean my stylist did a bad job or that I'm no good at this. It's new...it'll take time...and I'll get better at it. Right?

Now stop feeling bad because your hair looks great...and start practicing! You'll get better...practice makes perfect!

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celia

Veteran

I get it . Not being able to recreate what we think is basic and simple can trigger some bad feeling all around. But mostly is just out perception.
My hair is very different from yours but equally rebellious. Maybe the results are not what you expect but it takes a little time to learn how to play with a new haircut .

Anonymous

I completely agree with everything Maneera said and it looks much better than you apparently think even though it doesn't look exactly the same as at the salon.

Muffin

Veteran

Hang in there and go easy on yourself. We're always most critical of ourselves. It's amazing what good hair days and bad hair days can do to our self esteem. I think you've received some great advice here. Keep your appointment, it can take a few times for the stylist to know your hair and you (and this way you have more opportunities to keep learning). It may be helpful to have the appointments every 6-7 weeks. I know that extra week or two before my next appointment drive me crazy so I try to keep them closer together. Yes, more time consuming and expensive but usually worth it for my self esteem.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I think you did GREAT, and this was the first time you styled your new hair. It looks fab. Give it time and practice. Don't cancel your app.

Wavy and curly hair is very unpredictable. I know from my own waves that the weather is huge variable. The drier it gets, the less wavy it is.

Anonymous

The hair struggle is real, and we all feel your pain. Grab a cute hat and carry on. Or wash it and start over. Don't let it ruin your day!

BrieN

Veteran

Not sure if this is it, but sometimes I feel the frustration when you think you've just about got "it" and then the goal posts move away from you.

Mochi you're style is so defined and you look wonderful. Like you mentioned in another post, 8 years is a lot of style growth. If you'd looked in the mirror then and saw your current reflection you'd wonder who that amazing woman is - so stylish and so herself. But that growth takes a lot of time money and energy. And at least I get this feeling like "can't just this one thing be easier (or not cost a million $, or not take an entire afternoon)?" As in, can't picking out a freaking nail polish be easier? Can't putting on a coat of mascara be less than that $$?

Somehow hair is the ultimate challenge of those three -- expensive, time consuming, and hard to reproduce.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

You are being way too hard on yourself.
Curly hair is totally dependent on product. Once you have the right one, and the right amount your sense of control will change completely.
Rinse, condition, don't shampoo, repeat.

Thirkellgirl

Veteran

I think your effort turned out pretty good, but I totally understand not being satisfied (and feeling like a doofus because you can't control a simple thing like your hair). Give it a couple weeks (which is long enough to really make a difference) before you decide to cancel your next appointment.

catgirl

Veteran

OMG, it's really not that big of a difference! You need to go back in and ask her to walk you through the styling, step by step. A good stylist will do this for you for free, absolutely. Mine even will let me walk in for a fix (like the nape of my neck) if she has time.

I also think your hair can go into a little shock from a new cut and needs time to relax into it.

I have a super-low-maintenance cut because I am horrible at styling my own hair, nor do I have the time or patience. I know curly hair is a whole different thing.

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