Oh Anna - I know, it's so, so hard to maintain weight loss. I've also lost and gained the same 15 pounds multiple times. I go though phases where I just don't put as much effort in my workouts or go overboard on snacking and for a while I will dodge the bullet, my clothes will still fit and then bam - wake up call.

What the others said is true - you have great style no matter what. And also, love doesn't come only to thin people.

Oh I hear you.... I lost and gained 20 pounds several times. And keep it off for quite a while and then pouf all of a sudden fall of the wagon. Sweets, wine and cheeses are my downfall I've never been very small, always a size 8-10 and am not fond of exercise ...
Most of my clothes don't fit right now, but I just don't have the motivation to get with the program so too speak. I'm buying a few bigger pieces at the time. Does it look better when I'm 20 or even 5 pounds lighter? More than likely yes. Do most people notice? I'm not so sure.
My style stays the same, it's much more difficult to shop for, but the overall look I present stays the same .
Get friendly with your siccors and modify the things you buy to what you want and like. YOU are YOU no matter what size, your style is yours
Extra pounds suck, it's trickier to shop for and designers loose billions by not seeing the way women really are, that's their loss. Spend your money where your clothing does fit and flatter and screw them.

Anna, I was reading and relating to your struggle. Designer clothing will break your heart and is really meant for about 1% of genetically lucky women. I'm petite, curvy, athletic and as much as I lust after designer items with their great fabrics and arresting details, most things look terrible on me.

So I was browsing the rest of the forum and Vix had this to say. I think it's perfect for her, and perfect for you as well.

"my dramatic side has been underfed." You've got great spirit and a bold side. Figure out a way to fly your flag and regain your mojo. It's not always about the clothes.

I dealt with constant weight gain and weight loss for 5 years. It wasn't easy. Like you, I couldn't fit anything I wanted to wear, and yet no new clothes made me feel good enough 'coz I had much cuter clothes in my closet that I really really wanted to fit into. The problem was that I was comparing-----all the time. I had a mental image of what I wanted to look like and what I wanted to dress up in, and I felt miserable when that didn't happen.

About two years ago I decided to give myself a fresh start. I threw out all the clothes I didn't fit into, I erased the mental picture I had, and I decided to try a complete makeover. In other words, I decided to start dressing for the body I was in at that very moment.

I don't know much about you, but for me the problem resolved the minute I stopped hankering over the latest fashion trends. I'm curvy and I'm a big size, so I decided to dress for my body and accept my body - lumps, bumps and all. Style really isn't about your size; I've seen many very stylish women who I'm sure are above size 18. The problem starts when we 'compare'.

In these 2 years my sense of style has evolved a lot. I completely stopped obsessing over my weight (something I've done since I was 16). I stopped trying to be a particular size and I stopped trying to 'lose'weight. I continued to get moderate exercise everyday, I ate healthy but didn't deprive myself of anything, and I wore clothes that looked good on me irrespective of what brand I could/could-not find sizes at. Somewhere in between I evolved a sense of style that gave me 100% confidence in myself. I no longer wish I was thinner. In fact I'm very comfortable being me. I also lost a little weight though I wasn't consciously trying. I went from UK size 16 to 14 and the change only opened up new style avenues for me.

All I'm trying to say is this - I know it's hard to gain weight and feel ashamed. But it's OK. You can and will look stylish even with the weight. Just be kinder to yourself. And believe me, the day you stop chasing a perceived idea of what size you should be and simply start enjoying your life and sense of style, you'll be on the right track for life.

I am gob smacked by all the wisdom from the women who have posted ahead of me. So sorry you are feeling this way.

I can't add many more words at the moment as it is very early here and pre coffee!! But I know the strong cool woman that you are will find a way through this.

One of the things that has always impressed me about you is your total fearlessness with style. It's epically unfair that designers aren't making clothes that fit you, because you wear them so well. I'm glad you found a few things that live up to your style standards at H&M, at least.

It sounds like you've had a stressful year and I know that can wreak havoc with metabolism. I hope things settle down for you.

Major hugs from me to you. I know that fashion is something that really makes your heart sing and you have spent considerable energy building an amazing Anna-wardrobe that is the envy of so many here on YLF. So to have your previously reliable designers let you down like this is frustrating and quite frankly a betrayal. I hate them! They are mean...

Anyhow, with that tantrum out of the way...

Maybe consider getting some custom clothing items made for you to tide you over. I doubt you will feel satisfied with your H&M pieces since you are just "making due". Pick some of your favorites that you are missing and have them remade for you. Maybe having one or two items that are high quality and fit you properly will help smooth out the edges while you get yourself back on track. You own the clothes...they don't own you.

Oh, the wisdom on this forum! Anna, you could style a potato sack into something most of us would be envious of. With your innate sense of style, you don't need to lean on designer items to look amazing. I love what Manny said and will be experimenting with that viewpoint myself.
Hugs to you.