Anna, I'm very late to this, but I've read through the thread, and the comments from Una, Khris, Jules and Angie all resonated with my thoughts as I read your post.
Thank you for sharing. This stuff is hard. We can be very demanding and hard on ourselves, and it seems like the tougher times are, the more we demand of ourselves. This has, quite frankly, been a crap year for you, and you deserve better. You've gotten lots of advice in this thread, but I only want to offer support and love. Now that I've spent time with you in person, I know even more than before that you are a fun, smart, witty, engaging, caring, and attractive person, and your size has absolutely zero effect on all of those traits. All the same, I know that it is incredibly frustrating to not fit into a wardrobe that you've had so much fun acquiring and playing with.
It will get better. Getting your back problem addressed and healed is critical, and I have faith that everything else will come together once you have your health back. Please know that I am ready to listen when you need an ear, and I am looking forward to coming back out to the PNW and hanging out with you again! Big hugs, girlfriend.