Thanks for your comments ladies. No, it can't be the whole picture or solve everything...there is so much we don't know, isn't there. I found the reporting of the experiments interesting...and yes a softer approach. Because of his boyfriend and the other experiences he had with addicts, I did feel that perhaps he was not unfamiliar with what the families or others experience, though not specifically addressed in the article. He did say this though :
"Loving an addict is really hard. When I looked at the addicts I love, it was always tempting to follow the tough love advice doled out by reality shows like Intervention -- tell the addict to shape up, or cut them off. Their message is that an addict who won't stop should be shunned. It's the logic of the drug war, imported into our private lives. But in fact, I learned, that will only deepen their addiction -- and you may lose them altogether. I came home determined to tie the addicts in my life closer to me than ever -- to let them know I love them unconditionally, whether they stop, or whether they can't."
Also, in looking at not just substances, but also addictive behavior, I could bring what he is saying home. Do I, or have I engaged in addictive behaviors or compulsions because my rat park is too small, or lonely, or my cage of perception was too narrow to let love in?...and is the shopping, or the eating or the ________ (fill in the blank) easier to bond with, or more dependable for a good feeling than bonding with unpredictable human connection which sometimes lets us down?
It's kind of a vicious cycle when we bond with a behavior or a substance because the more we do it, the more isolated we get and then the more we do it. Rather than think we are broken, or in an alcoholics case, that they have a disease they will never recover from...people are beginning to question that old AA model too...I liked where he was coming from: a bit of a more of a wholistic approach, that what fell apart can be rebuilt...and we aren't ever so broken that we can't be forgiven. Rather than be simply idealistic, it may be a way to approach something other than with a "fight or flight" response...a middle way to restore someone...and us...to ourselves.
