I definitely make such purchases less often now that I’ve spent some time thinking deliberately about my wardrobe. For a long time, I was still adapting to North Carolina and the fact that cool layering weather (or brutal winter) were no longer the dominant seasons. I think I still might be adapting to that, but I’m doing better, anyway, leaving aside my current temptation to buy All The Sweatercoats. I also have some dresses which are definitely just for ballroom dancing, which means that maybe I should get back into that at some point.

Between becoming more focused and accepting of my style and being a relatively practical person to begin with, I am not someone who makes these kinds of purchases often at all. I can remember less than a handful of instances in the past when I did (some black pencil stilettos, for example), and those purchases languished in my closet for years. My problem with buying things when I don’t have a need is that by the time some special occasion pops up unexpectedly, the items invariably look dated and don’t work anyway.

I’m very attracted to dresses that my current lifestyle just does not live up to – nor is it a lifestyle I want – just the clothes

I usually manage to temper the urge by asking myself when I would wear it and if all else fails I’ll try to make something reasonably similar but more wearable. Sometimes I find it’s the colour or the fabric that I’m really drawn to. After 10 years, my husband’s practical nature has worn me down!

Oh dear. Have you been peeking in my closet, Angie?

I probably keep my Very Imaginary clothes to 10% or less. But I’ve adapted my style over the years to accommodate clothing that’s only Slightly Imaginary.

In my working environment (a school system) teachers and staff are more casually dressed than ever before. I’ve always been one of the dressier people at work, but I’ve definitely stepped up my game. While I’m not overdressed, it does give me an opportunity to wear items that might otherwise see little rotation. Work has to be my style outlet as I surely can’t wear my fun clothes to the barn…the goats like to chew:)

I’ve had to give myself a stern talking-to over shoes, though. I’m still as attracted to high heels as ever, but I’m having to admit that in my 40s, my feet are much happier in mid-heels or flats. I dearly wanted a pair of Stuart Weitzman heels this summer, but decided I’d rarely wear them due to the height and spindly heel:(

Oh that is 100% me, but I’m getting better. I love tall boots and wooly sweaters but moved to Florida a year and a half ago. In the past I’ve also bought way too many dresses and heels for my SAHM life. BUT, I’m getting so much better. I try to focus on the great things about being in a warm climate (all those breezey dresses and blouses) and am recently embracing a more casual style.

I used to be really poor at resisting purchases for a lifestyle I do not have. I’ve gotten better over time. Having a casual dress code at work has helped a lot.

Great advice Angie. I remind myself that if I spend all my wardrobe budget for an “imaginary” life, I have nothing left to build a fabulous “reality” life wardrobe. I do like to allow myself to have a few items on hand that don’t get taken out to play on regular rotation. That allows for those times that I want to feel a bit more special. BUT, I really can’t see myself just purchasing a random cocktail dress with no event in sight. Half the fun of the special occasion is going shopping for the special dress!

I made some changes with my recent wardrobe overhaul, so my closet is more balanced now. The kind of clothes I buy have always matched my lifestyle, but certain capsules were too big or too small. When I began teaching, I had far too many casual pieces that weren’t really suitable for work which is where I am 5 days a week. I corrected that by going to the other extreme. Before last year’s overhaul, I had no decent casual items for weekend wear. It took some practice, but I’ve learned to ask myself, “Where/when are you going to wear that?” before making a purchase.

I’ve become much more aware of my “needs” since joining YLF, so I haven’t made too many frivolous purchases during the past year. But like QM, I do have a weakness for cocktail dresses. I have some occasions to wear them during the year (thanks to DH’s job), but I probably buy more than I actually “need.”

Cocktail dresses are so fun and pretty…it’s hard for me to resist them!

I’ve been so guilty of this! Clothing for fall/winter has more appeal and I have more of it, but a good part of our year is horribly hot and humid and the clothing needed doesn’t last as long due to more frequent laundering. I need to spend more of the budget for warm weather things.
Also, I like skirts but spend most days in outfits that can sit on the floor with children or can be worn walking the dog. Pants are hard to fit my flat rear so are less fun to shop for. Leggings work pretty well but I still struggle with their age appropriateness and the way they are perceived by others in my environment. I wear my skirts every chance I get but have more than I should have and would like even more of those wonderful Halogen seamed pencil skirts. It was very hard to pass up the turquoise one when it was available.

It used to be a big issue for me since I didn’t even realize what was wrong with my clothes! I kind of thought it was me … I only ever saw that I couldn’t wear the more dressed-up stuff I loved and my beautiful jewellery to work and was very frustrated.

Style has become so super casual in some (work-)places that it has become hard to dress up without seeming odd.

I do, however, love my imaginary lifestyle – I think it reflects more of who I am than my other clothes. I try to incorporate more dressed-up details with my casual basics and have started to wear my good jewellery with everything or buy expensive/precious jewellery in less formal or in ethnic designs. That is distinctive and makes a happy compromise for me.

I too have become more aware of my needs and my “reall” life. I love high heels but they are not practical in my world, they dont get alot of wear, though I try! So my imaginary life clothes have seroiusly dropped since YLF I know how to incorporate things and am still learning the whole remix thing to make it work for my lifestyle!

I think you have touched a familiar spot for us! I do tend to over-buy for work, and under-buy for leisure. I also over-accumulate toppers and jackets, when it’s too warm 70% of the year for those things. And, sigh, let’s not even get into the boots problem!

Guilty.

This has been a good experiment for me though, since I started out with very few clothes after substantial weight loss. I tried different looks/styles and am now closer to what feels like ‘me.’

Furthermore, while I am guilty of buying things for a lifestyle I don’t have, this is actually helping me move forward in terms of creating a new life for myself. I’m not buying fancy cocktail dresses or things of that nature, but I have been buying more business casual items. I’m on the cusp of starting a new venture/business idea, and it’s tough to take myself seriously with a wardrobe of jeans, t-shirts and yoga pants. I think this is why I’ve been buying things that don’t quite match up with my current lifestyle – for me, it’s all part of feeling more confident so that I can take the leap I want to take.

In the meantime, I think I am going to upgrade my casual wardrobe too – this is my current lifestyle, and perhaps it’s time to feel better and more confident in that area as well.

Great blog post!

This is definitely a problem for me sometimes. I love jackets and sweaters but I live in hot summer weather 8-9 months a year. Breezy dresses and tops are what I need to drawn too.

Great article Angie! Buying clothes for my fantasy lifestyle was a big problem for me when I joined YLF. It seemed like so much fun to pick up “going out to dinner” clothes when I really needed more basics for staying at home. I must have had 90% dressy heels and 10% everyday shoes. I’ve been pretty strict with myself and now about 99% of my clothing dollars go to my real life needs. The shoes have to be comfortable and the fabrics have to be breathable and washable or I just sigh and move on. Like Kim said, I can always go out and shop for a special occasion if one arises; that’s half the fun!

I rarely do this with clothes. I might do it on occasion with jewelry though. I bought a gorgeous cobalt blue pearl necklace and earring set and have yet to wear it

I had this problem after I first moved to Texas. I’m an autumn/winter girl for both clothing and weather, but we only get three months of relatively cool temperatures a year down here. I’ve learn to resist over-buying heavy clothing and focus the majority of my budget on transitional and warm weather items. The same goes with very dressy clothing. I work from home and am on-the-go most days, so I focus on casual clothing and comfortable shoes. In my wardrobe, I’d say the split probably is about 90% practical for my lifestyle and 10% impractical (a girl’s gotta have some fun).

I agree! In Dezember I’m always tempted with party dresses, but I always avoid them, I never go to many parties and I have so many work dresses that with the right accessories they are just perfect to a dinner out!

I think I hit right about the 10% mark. I actually consider that to be practical to have seldom worn items in my closet, since those are often the occasions that it is hardest to dress for.

This is a GREAT topic but I do have sort of a “twist” on it. I actually happen to work in the fashion industry so, of course, I have a fabulous outlet for fashion, exercising personal style, etc. The conflict is that I work primarily from home and also live in an area where fashion is, well, let’s just say not “top of mind”. After we moved here 7 years ago, this area was hit particularly hard with the economic turn a few years ago and it there is a large rural aspect to it as well. That said, I have had to overcome the dilemna of trying to “fit in” when I am around town and compromise what I think to be every woman’s right and privilege—to look and feel great at every age!

I used to sigh over outfits that I would naturally gravitate to, fearing I would really “stand out” or be overdressed as I went about my day in and around our home and rehang them to pull on a pair of jeans and sweater. I easily “dress” when I travel to my office, an hour and a half away (but, alas, only 2-3 times a month) and when I am traveling for business but the homefront has been a challenge.

It’s only recently (and I have to give YLF a nod for some renewed inspiration) that I DECIDED that I cannot let circumstances dictate my fashion choices. Yes, I want to be appropriate for the situation but my personal style is only personal if i am true to it; therefore, thanks YLF, for giving me some much needed inspiration to get out there. (Since our youngest daughter is a HS senior next week, we are pondering our “empty nest” move and really considering a more urban area—there is always “next”!)

Do any of you have this dilemna?

This has been the driving force behind my purchases for about the last year. I really took it to heart when it occured to me I used to never stop and think if something would go in my closet or where or how I would wear it. I just bought it if I liked it. Once I started asking myself how and where I would wear things, there was no turning back!

I do still have a few items that aren’t likely to be worn more than a time or two each year, and some of them reallly make my heart sing. My purple suede heeled oxfords are not a daily versatile shoe, but they are SOOOOOOO cool. I love them. Ditto my multi chain Tom Binns Alice in Wonderland keyhole necklace. But I am not actively buying more things that have such limited use for me.

Also, being one of those with a uniform for work, I decided to scale back my wardrobe and that I had more than enough for my ‘off time’ wear. I wasn’t getting nearly the Cost Per Wear out of my items wearing them 3 times a year!

Agreed, Angie. It’s fun to be a little impractical once in a while. I’m set with a wardrobe for my current lifestyle – the trick as a woman is to adjust your wardrobe as your lifestyle changes. Having kids, switching jobs, working from home, kids getting older, moving to a new climate are all guaranteed to throw your wardrobe for a loop. Add in your own shifting style preferences, and it’s easy to see this is a moving target. But it’s fun to be kept on your toes!

I relate to this dilemma 100%. I live in southern California, but yearn for boots and jackets. Last week I camea home from northern California couple of nights (where I enjoyed the wear of my lovely camelhair coat) with tall brown boots. Mistake. Especially since they have a chunky heel I thought I could handle, but no…… So these will be part of my 10% I guess!! And what about travel?

I used to do this much more than now. I had a weakness for sweaters, including cardigans and nicer shoes for a while – but with two pair in my closet that have never been worn (and it’s been 3 years) and too many heavier cardigans, I gave up the habit pretty quickly. Understanding my dominant season (warm or downright blistering) makes me think twice about every purchase now. And YLF certainly has helped reinforce this realization. The main problem I have now is finding extremely lightweight, washable jackets as I love to wear a jacket to “finish” a look.

Very timely. I realize I still buy clothes for the life I used to lead. There was a time when we went to black tie events at least a half-dozen times a year. Now we rarely do, and even the fanciest events are much more casual in the past. Also, for big parties I see most women simply dressed (LBD) but wearing fantastic and wonderfully high heels.

Another problem for me is that weight fluctuations are now a fact of life. That dress I bought last fall is now too tight, and I’ve yet to wear it. By the time I have done away with holiday and cruise weight, the dress will be too wintry to wear.

With this unusually warm, sunny winter weather we’re having, I also realize that even in a normal year we only have a couple of months where I need heavy or bulky sweaters. I was shocked when I opened my sweater drawer last October and saw what a huge accumulation of wool and cashmere sweaters I have. I don’t need so many.

fauxpas- I can relate to your situation. We live in an area where people seem to pride themselves on not caring about their appearances. I have a casual wardrobe and lifestyle, but I still stick out in my community. We have a long, hot, dry summer- woven dresses and strappy sandals are the most practical for the heat (and look the best after a day of triple digit weather). I no longer care if the other moms in their shleppy capri’s and boxy tees or short shorts and cami’s give me the stink eye. I feel great, and I know that I look appropriate.

I’m pretty good about being practical when it comes to buying things – it helps that I live in a four season climate and work somewhere where I can pretty much wear whatever I please. I used to have a problem with buying impractical handbags – things that were too small for everyday use, couldn’t be carried on a shoulder, or did not shut securely – so I’m trying to buy only practical handbags now. I have more formal wear than I need too.

I think 10% is just about right for me.

oh my….i am hampered by an overly-active imagination! i seem to buy all these arty clothes as though i will be going to openings, performances, etc. i really need to become famous so i’ll have lots of opportunities to wear these clothes!

Thank you for encouraging the 10% of our wardrobe that makes us feel incredible, even if we don’t get to wear those items very often. The money we might spend on a pair of shoes or a dress that makes us feel positive and beautiful is so worth it; there are so many other things people might buy that don’t give them nearly the enjoyment, and those items may not even be good for them. Occasionally treating ourselves to a special piece is a way of affirming ourselves.

One autumn about two years ago, I fell in love with a black capelet that has fuchsia satin roses at the closure. It was likely meant to be worn over a cocktail dress or very fancy blouse for a holiday or New Year’s party, none of which I normally attend. I wasn’t sure at that time how I would incorporate it into my wardrobe, but I knew I had to have it. If I were to go looking for it in future, I’d never find it again.

It seems to go well over a black turtleneck sweater and dress pants, and so I’ve worn it on Christmas or out to dinner that way. This experience taught me that most of the fancy things I love can be adapted to my lifestyle if I mix them or dress them down. I have some fancy vintage-style jewelry that doesn’t generally go with casual separates, but if I wear one piece with the right top and skirt, it works, and I get to enjoy it all day. It has made me realize, as I shop for the 90%, that I need to experiment more and find casual clothes I actually like that have a dressier vibe. The sweaters and jeans I mostly live in during the winter make me feel so drab, compared to summer’s sundresses and cotton skirts.

Someone else here brought up an excellent point, that maybe the clothes we gravitate towards are indicative of a deeper need in our life that is not being met. Maybe those who love coats and boots long to move north, or back home (if they came from the north)? Maybe those who love dressier looks long for another type of lifestyle change? Must give this more thought.

This is a great topic, because this is something I’ve been thinking about. I am living in Canada and we can easily have cold, winter weather for at least half of the year. We are lucky to have hot weather for 3 months out of year. (It’s -27C here today, yikes!) I had never really thought about it before coming to YLF but I need to concentrate more on clothing for the colder weather. I’m a CA girl at heart (northern so more like OR or WA weather) and only bought winter boots last year after living here for 20 plus years! Yep, in denial… lol Also, I love more dressed up clothing, have fun getting dresses and fun shoes for church which is only one day a week, sometimes more, but that leaves all of the other days.

Part of the problem is that it’s hard to find pants that are long enough. Also, I sew and pants aren’t my favorite thing, but it’s really fun to make dresses. Anyway, I do need to have nice stylish church clothes, but this year, I think I’m need to concentrate on getting cute stylish everyday casual clothes. Also, I need some more stylish boots, tall ones and booties and even shoes that I can wear socks with. Surprisingly, I do have a good supply of coats, I think those are easier to find. Mostly I think it never occurred to me to concentrate on what I really needed to buy, I just bought what I could find that would fit and I liked. Thanks Angie!

As a SAHM with five children, three of whom have Down syndrome, my life really revolves around my home. Some days I don’t even leave the house. But, I have come to realize that I should/could look good for these most important people in my life.

On the topic, I have the tendency to dream about going out, having lunches, working outside the home…..you know what I am saying, right? So, I browse websites to relieve some of the boredom and humdrum messiness of my life. So, I must admit I have purchased some items for my fantasy life and they are languishing in my closet.

This reminds me of the book MY SISTER’s KEEPER where the mom orders ball gowns and dresses to escape the realities cancer has wreaked on her family. Does anyone remember this? However, she just tries them on and sends them back.

Now that I have joined YLF, I am focusing on developing a solid MOTG capsule with a FEW dressier outfits for church.

I love my life, don’t get me wrong, but I really need to follow the 90/10 rule. Great advice, Angie, as always!

Yes!! All the short shift dresses and funky skinny pants in my closet are for the me that lives in NYC and goes to funky events …. in reality I’m a working mom who lives in the burbs of Chicago! I still like to keep those pieces and rock them on the weekends when DH and I go out (which is rare!) but I do have pieces like this.

It’s great to your thoughts on this ladies. Thanks for sharing them.

Jem, it’s never to late to start purchasing for your real lifestyle. Enjoy accumulating a killer collection of boots for Canadian weather

Fauxpas and Chewy, you are actually purchasing for your real lifestyle because you WEAR the clothes that you purchase. More admirably though, you are defying your environmental style norm. Rock on!

Another one with a twist. The Imaginary Lifestyle is a definitely an issue when shopping for my wardrobe – with my husband. I’m a SAHM (Stay At Home Mouse) and our weekends are fairly active – lots and lots and lots of walking (urban and rural). We may walk 10+ miles on an average weekend. No formal parties, nights at the symphony, fancy restaurants, etc.

But mr. e is great at spotting brilliant, gorgeous cocktail dresses, four inch stilettos, silk satin skirts, etc. that would be beautiful on me (or anyone!) at a formal occasion. A couple of years ago he showed me a drop waist hand-painted silk chiffon cocktail dress he thought would be nice for my birthday. It would have been perfect for opening nite at the San Francisco Opera (i would’ve had my pic snapped, too

When i said, it’s lovely but where would i wear it? he took it as an insult to our lifestyle….which it is not. oh, his fiery Sicilian heritage!

The last year or so, through talking about it more, he has come around to focusing on items i can actually wear more day to day. The thing is mr. e has an incredible eye for clothing and i really wanted to get him on my side! He has since found me an incredible coat which i love love love, and two really versatile blouses that can dress up or down. (pics of the coat:
http://dashingeccentric.blogsp.....swash.html see, he does have great taste!)

The other great part about having my husband on board with this is that i have a tendency to be excruciatingly practical, even more than i need to be. That is boring and no fun and also ‘cramps my style’. Right now we’re kind of at a nice balance, and we’ve only been married twelve years! steph

I just want to say that I love NDmom’s comment about dressing for the people she loves !! I need to do that for my kids and husband because they are people too !!!!!!!! LOL !

WhAt A great post!! Looks like you hit a nerve

Because I bat for team dressy , I have several cocktail type dresses that I haven’t had the opportunity to wear ;( but they don’t exceed 10 percent of my wardrobe .. So I feel ok:). I have added a denim jacket to a couple of them , so they aren’t all l
Languishing away … But a few have never seen the party ….yet…:)

What a wise post! YLF has helped me to be more practical in choosing my wardrobe items. I even ended up returning a gorgeous coat once that I purchased with Angie because after much deliberation I realized it just wouldn’t get enough wear – though it was hard to let it go and I still think of it sometimes.

The 10% “frivolous” purchases in my life are pretty much party wear, mostly dresses. I looooove party dresses but don’t go out nearly as much as I sometimes seem to think or wish

I buy clothes pretty close to my lifestyle and very close to my style persona. However, I do need to buy a few more, non-ironing, non-dry cleaning casual clothes for weekend/kid-activity wear.

Boy, you know, I’m slow in the head. People stopped, for example, dressing for the symphony 20+ years ago, but I went on buying evening wear past the turn of the millennium. AND I’d stopped “doing society & culture” (haha!) at least 5 years before that.

I’ve been working on not buying things I won’t wear, but it may be part of why I’m feeling kind of blah. And bought 4 pairs of high high heels at x-mas. And made my bf drive what is a two-minute walk to my work holiday party. LOL.

Plus, I still have one gown I’m hanging on to, in case of an *emergency dinner ball.* Ahahaha! It’s time I threw my own formal dinner, honestly.

I don’t have a problem when it comes to clothes at all, but I have such a weakness for impractical shoes! I love buying high heels but I live in an urban environment, do not own a car and therefore walk everywhere. Needless to say, my high heels are worn pretty much never. Or if I wear them out I regret it within 5 minutes. A few months ago I discovered a wonderful compromise – heeled booties! I have one pair now with a chunky, reasonable heel and love them. I can go anywhere in them, wear anything with them and I feel fabulous.

Really great advice–thank you for articulating it. I break the rule more often than I should. I’ve been a classic, clean line dresser for years. However, in my heart, I’ve always wanted to be just a little funkier, a little funner. In the past, I’ve bought too many things that just don’t work. Interestingly, though, I’ve found that more and more, as I try to buy consciously, I am figuring out a way to make a slight shift that way, and I really love it. 90/10 is the perfect way to express it!

Guilty as charged. My particular vice is buying beautiful dress shoes that don’t get worn much because I spend most of my time working from home and looking after my kids. I have solution planned, however: go out more!

I think I am doing fairly well on this issue because my lifestyle is so varied. I did, a few years back have too many clothes that would be better for an office job but have since purged them. I keep some classics and mix them with other items to make them work for my lifestyle. I am fortunate to have many opportunities to dress creatively because I am an artist and my husband is in theatre. I do not have that many summer clothes. My dominant season is winter and I do have a large coat and boot collection, but they get worn. I am one of those people who likes her coat to connect to what is underneath which requires lots of variety. Some friends of mine have one cold weather coat for the season, not me!!

Great post, Angie. I can never have enough fun, impractical things because in a way that is what is practical for me!

I had to stop myself from laughing when I saw your title Angie, because a friend of mine and I have recently been beating ourselves up for having too many things in our wardrobes that don’t fit our lifestyle at all! In fact just this morning I returned a couple of items in my closet, bought in December but still with tags on, that I guiltily realized were bought for my fantasy lifestyle and not for hat really happens. Some hurt a bit, but I think more than losing the item itself what was sad was realizing, hey I don’t GO to cocktail parties at all! Why on earth do I need a leather/chiffon cocktail dress, to languish along with the other dresses I don’t wear???Budgetary wise, environmentally and just common-sense wise, those items were really wasted. But some of them were also fun, so thank you for not only talking about this topic(which obviously plagues many of us) but also giving us that little license to have SOME fun, as long as we are reasonable about it. I think 5-10% fun/less practical versus 90-95% appropriate-for-lifestyle sounds about right

Thank you for the 90/10!
I debated buying a silk party dress recently, because I have enough “dressy summer” clothes, and I already have a beautiful winter velvet cocktail dress. I waited for it to get marked down again… hoping no one else would find it.
It’s my favorite print I’ve ever seen, so I figured I’d hang it on the wall if I never wore it. It’s art
But I will wear it.

Oh have I been in this position!!!! The first time I encountered this was when I first “retired” to be a SAHM after close to 2 decades working in marketing. It did take me a long time to adjust my shopping viewpoint! Learning to dress “casual” was a really, really challenging adjustment and it took me a while to stop looking at the blazers and dress pants. The next time I encountered this was when we moved to SoCal and now I was faced with a whole new culture and climate. But I must say….the hardest part was breaking in some new hot weather shopping habits while pining for those cozy, snuggly sweaters I was craving

I do like the 90/10 ratio of practical to imaginary. Even if you live in SoCal, you should still always have that cozy sweater in your closet!

Thank you so much for this very timely post, I expect I may be adding to my fictional life wardrobe in the next week. I have two dresses on order from Great Plains, the first is a midi knit dress which could be dressed up or dressed down, I like this dress but fear I will not love it. The second dress makes my heart pound but it is dry clean only and a little too short for the office *fingers crossed it fits*

Thank you for the enabling Angie

I so battle this constantly. Work wear I’m in scrubs. So I only need clothes for 3 days a week on average. I do go out sometimes, but definitely not enough to justify my large cocktail wear capsule. I really need to figure out my want for the latest and greatest in fashion versus the amount of wear I’ll actually get out of it. I guess I should just invest in fast fashion, but I really don’t like it and associated ethics.

*blushes* I thought I was the only one. I am not going to share the percentage. It’s gotten a bit out of hand lately and this post is a good wake up call to rein it in!

I am getting so much better at purchasing for my *real* life. I have been so guilty in the past of purchasing something because it made me feel good, even though I really didn’t have a place to wear it. YLF has taught me to put more thought into my decisions. And yes, I still purchase the occastional *fantasy* item, because, as you said, it makes me smile so much!

Is there a way to put a heart on this post?! I need a constant reminder of this wisdom.

I think I live in a fall/winter clothing fantasy world that doesn’t exist in South Texas. I love leggings, tall boots, jackets, cashmere and merino sweaters, and wool flannel and gab slacks–all of which I can wear about 3 months out of the year, except when I travel on business. I prefer the structure and feel of warmer clothing and the extra comfort of socks with boots and booties.

Spring/summer clothes feel too airy and unstructured for my personal style, but I also don’t like to be hot and sticky. My wardrobe should be 70%-80% spring/summer, 20-30% fall/winter, but it’s flipflopped.

I can relate to this. I live in windy Wellington where we walk everywhere which is a good thing but I do not buy appropriate shoes. As I would never wear trainers with my work gear I need to find a more comfortable shoes to wear around and then change shoes at work. Also with the wind I have a number of floaty skirts which cannot be worn on most days here.

Guilty! I buy things with the best intentions, hoping that if I buy it I will wear it. Nothing crazy just dresses and slacks hoping I will learn to build these into everyday wear. But I tend to wear the same old uniform because my life really doesn’t call for anything more. I used to have to dress up for work and loved it, and miss wearing dresses and skirts. I’m still hoping to make a bigger effort in this area; finding more casual and comfortable alternatives to the career wardrobe I used to have.

I was feeling pretty smug at first, thinking that I had the mix right. But then when I thought about it more, I think I don’t have enough for our hot summers. I just like fall/winter outfits better!

After reading the first two paragraphs, I have now realized that most of the times when I go shopping for clothes, I do this kind of imaginary lifestyle shopping….i must confess here, I do this a lot!! and that is why besides closets full of clothes, i never feel satisfied. This blog update certainly is an eye opener for me and I am sure I will be a focused shopper from now on and will try to keep it as real as possible and the impact of this blog will be longer lasting!!
Thanks a ton for this brilliant post Angie!!

Oh, wow, this is me to a T.
I accumulated a huge wardrobe during the years I wore a uniform to work, and now I’m a stay at home mom to a toddler with a lot of shoes I can’t keep up with him in and dresses/skirts I can’t bend over to catch him in. I think it’s tempting to shop for what we want or how we see ourselves ideally, but it turns bad when you have nothing to wear for the lifestyle you actually live.

I am soooo guilty of this! I think everyone on YLF knows I wear a quasi-uniform yet have three 36″ racks filled with non-work attire. In the winter, I have more free time so I can actually wear my clothes, and that is my dominant season (even though the hot vs. cool temps are evenly split). This post was so perfectly timed as I consider whether to keep my highly impractical stiletto-heeled Edmundo Castillo suede booties.

I just noticed today that our heffers got out again and there were little presents they left behind… I have to remember, what would those stilettos look like with cow dung on them.

This is such an interesting topic. I definitely have had a taste of this and have tried to correct. But what this reminds me of is a comment my sister made after we cleaned out my mother’s closet after she died. My mother loved clothes and was a very good seamstress. Buying clothes was really her hobby. And her closet was filled with lovely things that she would not ever have the occasion to wear. Because it was her hobby and one of the ways she kept active in life as she aged, I don’t begrudge her this at all. But it is interesting to think about the story of your life that your closet would tell after you go!

I don’t know if I buy clothes for a fantasy life— I have orphans (perfectly good clothes that I would theoretically wear if they didn’t have some issue or weren’t so darn lonely without shoes to go with), I have clothes from a life I used to live but not longer do (I’m mourning them– after they’ve laid in wake and I’ve gone through the 5 stages of grief, I’ll get rid of them – - I swear!) but I don’t think I really buy fun clothing that is impractical for my life. Sometimes I buy dresses, usually for 10 dollars in fabrics that could only be described as cheap and confused. Said dresses have saved me on about 8 occasions from going to events naked. Maybe now that I have a pencil skirt I will have to stop my addiction with polyester jersey personality-confused dresses– but the problem with a pencil skirt is one must have the appropriate top to wear with it (sigh).

Perhaps this is my whole problem–

RE: defying environmental style norm. I forgot to include that I do this most days.
I live in an urban ghetto. It’s not been so bad this year but in years past, wearing
a skirt meant you might be approached and asked if you were “working.” But I like
skirts.

I just wear the clothes I want because this is the life I have now. I get compliments from people of all ages and gender. I’ve never had a bad reaction. Well, sometimes a bus driver will give me nasty looks when I pay the senior fare (62) and demand
i.d. So I guess they think I’m trying to get over but I never feel they think what I’m
wearing is odd.

Do the folks who feel uncomfortable dressing against the norm actually ever get a bad reaction?
One difference might be that I don’t expect or worry about getting a bad reaction and so I have confidence about what I’m wearing.

Sure do – I guess that I am going to live some fabtabulous lifestyle involving French cafes and not germ-filled wards. No more dry-clean-only clothes!

This is a fun conversation indeed. I am definately guilty as charged. However the good news is that I’ve recovered and am now back to reality in my life with the help of you Angie and this forum.

I think I’m doing reasonably well in this area. The one thing I’m always drawn too though is an impeccably made, perfectly fitting white suit. Optic white. Yep. We definitely don’t have the weather for it here. And where would I wear it to?-) But there’s just something so elegant and chic about them. I’ve seen it done in a super stylish modern classic way (Max Mara, I think), tomboyishly casual with a great denim shirt and Converse…

I’ll think I’ll keep admiring the white suits from afar though, and go for something “not sensible that makes just a tiny bit more sense”:-)

I admit to having problems in this area. I just recently retired from teaching fulltime and now am co-director of a nonprofit on a part time basis. I loved to dress up for school and miss the fun of getting to choose an outfit each morning if I am just staying home. I probably am overdressing (in the eyes of some!) but I am wearing my cute clothes whenever I get a chance. I suppose I will get use to the transition and start leaning more to the mom-on-the go style. That’s fine because I like that look too!

Gosh, you struck a nerve with this one, Angie!
I’m another one who doesn’t need work clothes ( I wear scrubs), so really I just need some casual outfits and a few things to wear to go out on the weekends- and usually that’s casual, too.

I don’t have a huge wardrobe, but I know I have more pieces than I really need. The trouble is that even though I don’t wear a nice outfit every day I still don’t want to have only the same few choices- it gets too boring.
I also have more heels than I need, but I do enjoy them when I wear them, so maybe that’s part of my “just for fun” 10%.

I love this post! Thanks to YLF my wardrobe is now definitely 90% for my real life and %10 for my fantasy life Having relocated also presented challenges as my work environment is not dressy and I had to rethink what was appropriate and suitable for my new work environment. And I love having garments in my wardrobe that don’t get worn often thus making them that much more special when I put them on to attend a function or event. I really like this balance in my wardrobe as having too many things hanging in the closet that rarely get worn makes me sad:)

I have the greatest ballet flat collection… purple snakeskin, black crochet, pewter beads, bronze sparkle…. However, there’s only about a month or less each spring and fall when I feel physically comfortable in them. The rest of the time it’s either cold enough for boots, or far too hot for anything but sandals. But I persist in thinking that ballet flats are perfect for my style.

My imaginary clothes buying consists of buying lots of items that are too cold for me to wear in the winter. I enjoy dressing for work in skirts and dresses, but in winter, I am too cold and revert to pants; though I have lovely wool lined trousers, I end up wearing darker jeans to work because the wool trousers are bootcut and get wet in rain and snow. I am on the lookout for sweater dresses, but I could not find too many flattering ones this year.

I am also afraid to drive in the snow, so I take transit, and do not want my nicer items to get dirty! Though it does not snow too often or too long on the West Coast, I would say I am dressy at work in the fall / spring summer months, and casual in the winter. I sigh as I see others wear skirts in winter! Tomorrow I may wear my warmer pants over tights, and then change — I am too busy to do this, but it is worth a try! My nicer ‘fantasy’ clothes just do not suit my version of winter!

I think the 90/10 ratio is about where I am at. I am fortunate that I live in a climate where we have all of the seasons so anything season-wise has a place in my wardrobe. There are those who would say my shoe wardrobe is a bit excessive. I read a statistic recently that says the average American woman has 30 pairs of shoes. As I am a shoe freak and someone who reaches for the stars, let’s just say I will continue to strive to be far above average in this area.
Of course I do not currently own what, for me is the ultimate fantasy life garment. But be assured that if I ever need it I will come here to help me choose what I call the ‘I-would-like-to-thank-the-academy-for-this-award” dress .

Angie’s 90% rule. I love it!! It is similar in the world of health and fitness…people sometimes counsel those who want to lose weight to eat “clean” 90% of the time and allow 10% of their meals off-plan.

I’m very attracted to jackets, which some might consider inappropriate for my work-at-home life. But I find them extremely wearable and combined with jeans or a simple skirt they allow me to enjoy something I love without feeling uncomfortable.

I do have a few items in my closet that rarely get worn. I’m glad I gave myself permission to buy these; they always make me smile and even if I only wear them a few times a year, it is worth a lot to know they’re there if an occasion comes up for them.

When I stopped working my job several years ago (due to an injury,) I continued to spend my clothing money for at least the next 3 years on work clothes. It was pretty much an unconscious behavior – and also hopeful feelings that I would be able to go back to my job (and so I was just preparing myself for when I went back). I finally accepted reality about 18 months ago that I wasn’t ever going to go back to that job (it wasn’t even a job that I Liked – it was just that I assumed I would be doing it for the rest of my life!) When I finally made a conscious decision to stop buying work clothes – I just stopped buying clothes altogether for at least a year! Part of that was economic driven, but part of it was I really had no idea what else to wear! I was so used to wearing business attire, that I was lost in any other department in the stores! Then, I discovered premium denim jeans – and that opened up the floodgates of tall boots, funky tops, scarfs, flats, and more and more handbags. I wasn’t really buying for an imaginary life – I was just buying too much. There weren’t enough days in the season to wear all of the clothes that I had bought for that season (it was ridiculous!)

I don’t really consider buying a cocktail party dress (even if I don’t have a specific cocktail party that I have been invited to) as part of buying for an imaginary life. I know that I am going to be invited to cocktail parties – and I HATE buying under pressure! I like knowing that I have the perfect outfit already hanging in my closet, no matter what the occassion!

The only times that I can think of that I buy clothes for an imaginary life is when I go on vacation. I seem to leave my brain at home – as well as all sense of rationale thinking – and buy the strangest clothes! It is really embarrassing – and of course, by the time I get home, its too late to return the item, so it hangs in my closet. It brings back memories of a great vacation – but just hangs there all by itself!

GUILTY! I love to layer in the fall and winter and I love dressy clothes. BUT I’m improving. One of my style adjectives is “casual” which I hope will keep me in style line with my actual life. Last year was the first year that I shopped for my dominant season and I had a great spring and summer dressing for the heat! I even avoided NAS…a very difficult feat!

I did just buy a faux leather jacket and a vintage-y trench type coat…but it was half off at a thrift store and part of my….30% (I’m working to lower that percentage) unpractical wardrobe purchase allotment. : )

Angie, this is such a good subject. I struggle with this sometimes.

I try hard to stick to this 90/10 rule (or 80/20? hee). But in order to stick to it, I need to track and analyze what I already have; and also maintain certain updated capsules for emergency situations. It’s hard though, especially when I see a very cool item (and on sale!) like a party dress, heels, summer shoes or a breezy dress, a cool clutch, a great suit or silk blouse. I don’t have any current use for business formal or business casual or cocktail wear, and yet they make me paranoid when I see them window shopping.

On the other hand, I’ve taken the practicality route too far and have found myself without appropriate clothes and shoes. For example I didn’t have a good quality knee length wool coat until this year. I still don’t have enough shoe options (but shoes are so very tricky to fit).

To make things more complicated, some of my most used and best purchases have been items that seemed to fit the impractical 10%, and turned useful and practical and sensible and moved into the 90%.

Furthermore, it takes me a very long time to wear out clothes and shoes (I guess that’s a good thing?). So if I stick to only replacing what’s worn out, I’d never get anything updated and won’t be able to follow any trends. Challenging the super casual environmental norm is key, too.

Annagybe brought up another good point. I also don’t like fast fashion, but it’s not practical for me to buy pricey trendy stuff because I simply don’t have time to wear it all. But I don’t want to be a monk, either.

One area I don’t dream about is any kind of resort wear. It almost never tempts me.

Another thing. Sometimes when you stock up for the imaginary (hopefully 10% or less), there’s danger that (a) your own style preferences change in the meantime and (b) the item itself becomes dated. I’m learning this the hard way, hee

Wonderful post Angie, I love the idea of having 10% open for fun and imaginary lifestyle wardrobe items. Sadly, I’m not even close to 10%… maybe 3%? One of the things YLF made me realize is that I was being TOO practical with my purchases, and that I didn’t even have the proper wardrobe for my real lifestyle (*cough* summer *cough*). I’ve since filled almost all the holes, and would love to start adding a small number of beautiful, imaginary lifestyle items because there are a handful of special occasions that I would be completely unprepared for right now. I also love how mixing those items into casual outfits can look. I will be sure to keep it under 10%

That 10% is very important!

1) What about when one purposely dress towards the life they aspire to instead of just the one they have, as a means to influence how one’s life unfolds a little?

In this case, instead of dressing completely outside your lifestyle, just adding a few elements to your outfits everyday, in every situation. Applying the 90%/10% ratio to your daily outfit.

2) Lack of attention to the 10% in my closet (due to secret guilt? Denial?) in my experience, has led to creating a 10% mental “wall” when buying for fantasy. Every time I was tempted, I’d stop myself thinking of those wrapped items hidden somewhere in my closet. It is only when I started paying attention to (and nurturing) that crazy side of myself that I was liberated and the 10% started making sense, if you will, in its own nonsense way. I got rid of the old fantasy and replaced with new, up to date, craziness.

My personal delusion is “something to go out in the bars” (“sortir en boîte”). My god! I am 43. Although I do many different, sometimes strange things, I NEVER go out “en boîte” anymore. (Mind you, now that my son is 15, I may return soon to go fetch him out there?). 10% of my closet is prepared for that event, anyway.

NDMom, I love your attitude! When I was alone in a posting where women did not go outside freely, I also used internet heavily to get my “fix” of social life and YLF helped me lots!

Because i normally have a smaller budget for clothes i don’t think i buy that many “fantasy” purchases. I may see a lot of crazy things i love but i always ask myself, “when will i wear this? How often will i wear it?”. I’ve been working to be a tad less like this, but still keep it in balance. Ideally I’d like to have the perfect “whatever” in my closet for any last minute even that comes up. Not have to rush to go out shopping and grab something that isn’t totally me.

But i may have too many dresses and not enough casual wear? Or at least tops. I have a hard time buying tops/finding tops that i want to buy.

Cultivating a large wardrobe when you wear scrubs to work — that’s me! Hahaha.

I justify it with the knowledge that I get most of my clothing by thrifting — either from consignment shops or buying gently used stuff on Ebay. So I haven’t put all that much money into my closet.

I may not have as many occasions to wear every piece in my closet as a woman who has to dress for work, but I think something about spending ten hours a day in shapeless polyester scrubs just makes me crave a lot of variety. I take every opportunity to dress creatively that I can get. I will put on a cute skirt and sweater just to walk the dog. I will wear a ponte knit sheath dress with a cardigan and sweater tights to go to the grocery store. It makes me feel more confident and happier to be able to dress up a little bit when I have the slightest chance!

Oof, still working on the real lifestyle, like Aida! I’m not even sure what my imaginary lifestyle would be at this point… o_0

I am completely obsessed with anything Rachel Zoe wears, the furrier and fuzzier, the better. But I have (so far) resisted the temptation to buy fur vests or feathery coats, simply because I don’t know how these extremely fierceand fashionable items would fit into my casual lifestyle.

Hmm, perhaps it’s time to visit my jewelry-artisan colleague who lives in Amsterdam. And I must have a VERY furry Rachel-vest for the trip! LOL

This is great! One thing I am thinking is that maybe one should look closely at the imaginary lifestyle and make moves to do more of that. In other words, that your clothes choices are telling you something important!

I buy lots of cocktail dresses that I usually dont wear since I am in business suit 5 days a week and smart casual 1 day a week …….and I want to get out of this habit, please help me Angie!!!!

one more comment i want to add… recently bought a maxi dress..short build up petite i was drowned in this maxi dress but i didnt return that cuz i loved it so much and now i have no occasion or reason whatsoever to wear it…..Angie i think i need a whole new post dedicated to remove this habit of mine………..lol!!!