10 Truths about Personal Style

About the Author

Angie is co-founder of YLF and its resident fashion stylist.

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

10 Truths about Personal Style

— by Angie

on October 25, 2010

My passion for style and fashion runs deep because of these simple truths:

Style is a celebration of individuality.
Style is beyond size, age, lifestyle, body type and budget.
Style is a not one way of dressing.
Style can be learned.
Style is the sum of many parts.
Style is about an element of current fashion.
Style is subjective.
Style is infectious and addictive.
Style is from the inside out.
Style evolves over time.

Since style is a way of expressing our spirit and self-knowledge, style journeys are often liberating and empowering. That’s why style isn’t frivolous. That’s why YLF is heading into its fifth year and I can post about the subject matter twice a day. That’s why you’re interested in style and fashion too. That’s why style is eternal.

Individual Style

44 comments · Add a comment

Sparky

Veteran

Absolutely! These are the very reasons that I ended up at this website and continue to return, because here style is seen in these very positive and fulfilling ways.

October 25, 2010 at 4:00 am

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

Lots to think about here. The one that resonates most for me initially is #4 – Style can be learned – for the simple reason that I didn’t think it was true before finding YLF; I thought it was something you had or didn’t have and that I didn’t have it!

I look forward to thinking about the others in more depth – I love this post because this is another distillation of the ethos of YLF!

October 25, 2010 at 4:11 am

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Oh Angie, you know I love this post!

This is the “why we do what we do” of YLF and it’s beautifully stated here.

For years, I tried on identities using style – I was the corporate climber, the reporter-on-the-go, the downtown artsy type. It was through clothes that I explored all those identities, trying to figure out who I was. The answer? Over time, I was all of them.

Now I am able to use style in that same way, but more consciously. Unlike in the distant past, today I am sure of who I am underneath it all — I know the part of me that never changes. So now it’s sheer fun playing with the external image. And it’s thanks to Angie that this really clicked. Thank you Angie

October 25, 2010 at 4:21 am

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

Well said! For me, it boils down to this:

Style is an expression of self-confidence.

It is taking all that you have learned about fashion, trends, fit, color, etc, combining it with what you know about *yourself*, and standing up in the front of the world and saying, “This is ME. I know who I am, and this is what I want to show you about me.”

One cannot be stylish without being self-confident; you have to be comfortable in your skin, to see your flaws and your strengths uncritically, and be strong enough to let yourself be noticed. Because stylish people do not blend into the wallpaper; they are noticed. Self-confidence is that crucial element that takes trendiness to the next level of fashion-forwardness, that takes classic dressing and keeps it intriguing and fresh, that allows even cliched styles like hippie, preppy or punk to feel new again.

All of your points are equally true, but without self-confidence none of them can become actualized in meaningful, empowering ways. And interestingly enough, by learning about style, by accepting and reaching for all of your truths, one can BECOME self-confident. It is a circle that feeds upon itself, lifting us higher and letting us continue to grow and become stronger.

THAT’S why I like fashion and style.

October 25, 2010 at 4:31 am

Marigold

Active Member

Yes, style is everchanging and evolves as long as we wear clothes. I’m still learning about myself in terms of style, and hope that with the help of YLF, I’ll evolve the style that helps define Me.

October 25, 2010 at 5:07 am

Joy

Veteran

Pure poetry, Angie! Volumes could be written on each of these statements. Today the one that jumps out at me is #3. I think I came here looking for the best “uniform” for my body and found out how much fun fashion can be.
Statement #4 gives one hope. As to Kristen’s addition of self-confidence, that’s what YLF gives me in the journey of striving for style. I’m sure this list will be printed out many times. It’s going into my journel. Thank you for much food for thought today.

October 25, 2010 at 5:24 am

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I have one more to add ….style can be the common interest which leads to beautiful friendships.

You are really quite profound Angie and have left me with much to ponder upon.

October 25, 2010 at 5:45 am

Barbara

Veteran

What a wonderful way to start my Monday morning, Angie!

Your fabulous list says it all and I agree with every single truth.
My favorite: STYLE IS FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

Simply Brilliant!

October 25, 2010 at 5:52 am

Kari

Veteran

Very well said – and none of these aspects was clear to me when I was younger and decided that because I wasn’t suited to be stylish in the first place, I may as well not bother.
#2 especially resonates with me – I can’t tell you how many times I assumed that my body shape (even at a smaller size than I am now) would prevent me from dressing well, and even after I learned that wasn’t true from watching What Not To Wear, I still assumed that developing a clear and true-to-me personal style wasn’t going to happen with my body type AND my budget, since I saw smaller people (like my sister) who could get away with wearing cheaper, drapier, less structured clothes than I could. The penny didn’t really drop until I started reading this blog, and a few others that I discovered several years ago.
I like Kristen’s addition about confidence, but for me it is sometimes the reverse. I’ll be having a terrible day where I feel lousy about myself and loathing my body, but I put a tried-and-true favorite outfit and somehow shock myself into feeling better. Sometimes my outer style is more an expression of the confidence that I *wish* I felt rather than the confidence that I start out with when I wake up in the morning.

October 25, 2010 at 6:18 am

Lisa

Veteran

Great list, and they are all true. For me, style is just plain ol’fun. The days I look the best are the days I am usually having the most fun with my style. The days I am not having fun, that’s when the comfort wear comes out. One thing my style is not, is consistent. My moods really affect my style of the day.

October 25, 2010 at 6:42 am

morethanbeige

Veteran

I love this post. The first truth really resonates with me — “Style is a celebration of individuality.” It involves growth, risk, and creativity. And I am so thankful to Angie for bringing this to us.

October 25, 2010 at 6:46 am

Queen Mum

Veteran

well said..
I love #3 “Style is not one way of dressing”
Wouldn’t life be boring if we were all cookie cutter dressers. I have loved uncovering my own personal style with the help of all the stylish ladies here… and even within my own style, I can sport different looks on different days. Just bucket loads of fun!

October 25, 2010 at 6:52 am

bj1111

Veteran

definitely self-confidence is required to be stylish. and being stylish can be about deviating from the rules…ppl, for example. like louise and her cuffed pants. i’m sure she looks very stylish in it, since she wears it with confidence.

October 25, 2010 at 7:19 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Laura, I knew you’d sing to this blog post.

Kristen, good one! Of course I agree! I also think that self confidence and style is a bit like the chicken and the egg – which comes first? That’s why I didn’t pop self confidence on the list. To Kari’s point

b111, there is definitely truth in what you’re saying. Here is the flip side: you can be totally self confident and badly dressed – not so? (Louise, I am not making you an example – please don’t worry!) But then style subjectivity is very real so it’s all once again wrapped up in judgment.

RoseandJoan, that’s a fabulous addition, and a true one.

October 25, 2010 at 7:35 am

Kate

Veteran

yes! I have nothing to add.

Also, whoever was looking for a quote to put in their closet, what about these 10 truths?

October 25, 2010 at 7:42 am

Becky

Veteran

Hooray for #4! Angie has made that statement before, and it has given me confidence to keep “working on it.”

October 25, 2010 at 7:50 am

Carole

Veteran

All I can say is YLF helped me find my style. It was buried under all the other things to do in a day. Being overwhelmed with choices in the department store overwhelmed and paralysed me. Thank you for helping to narrow down and define the choices giving me the confidence to experiment with the current trends. Style is at the moment mostly #8
for me “Style is infectious and addictive”. I’m having a blast!

October 25, 2010 at 8:02 am

Marlene

When I first found YLF a couple years ago, it was at a point in my life where I was searching for a personal identity after several turning points in my life. I have always expressed myself through my clothing so having a personal transition really threw my style formulas for a loop. Now, things are coming together in my personal life AND I am noticing that I am also finding it easy to get dressed and feel like I am expressing myself appropriately. Style is definitely an inside-out thing.

October 25, 2010 at 8:03 am

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

Angie and Kari, I do agree that on a bad self-confidence day a great style can turn your attitude around, but I think you have to have at least a base of positive self-confidence to help you make that leap into stylish in the first place. And this site is a great place to give you the base for both of those, the style and the self-confidence. Like I said, it is a circle and it feeds off one another, but I still hold firm that you cannot have *your own* style if you don’t believe in/like yourself.

Unfortunately, as Angie pointed out, you can have loads of self-confidence and no style at all. But the reverse is not true, imo. Style and no self-confidence is just a lot of nice clothes hanging next to each other in a closet.

October 25, 2010 at 8:12 am

Maya

Veteran

So many profound posts lately. Angie, you sure know how to give my brain a workout.

The notion of confidence is tricky territory to me. Ideally, yes, it would be nice to say that confidence is all you need–but truthfully, it’s not even close. There are plenty of people who are very confident and dressed very poorly–and you can bet those people all think their confidence is enough to make up for their unkempt appearance. Likewise there are a lot of stylish and unconfident creatures out there–while the rest of us think they are spectacular, they never feel quite good enough.

It’s the same thing to me as saying a great big smile is the most stylish accessory you can have. Again, it rarely rings true for me. It’s just fluff. You can look positively ghastly and a great big smile isn’t going to help the situation. If anything it just makes you look hopelessly un-self aware! I’m a complete sourpuss, I know, but whatever. I’m from New Jersey.

October 25, 2010 at 8:13 am

bj1111

Veteran

yup, angie. one can be brimming with self confidence and be badly dressed.

which bring up a conundrum…is it better to be self confident and badly dressed, or looking fab and still feeling somehow inadequate?

October 25, 2010 at 8:18 am

Sihaya

Veteran

Great post. Laura, I echo your comments. I think style is also about self knowledge. The one that most rings true for me is that style is from the inside out. And if that’s true, BJ, to your point – I’d rather be self confident than badly dressed than vice versa. Because I’d say that if I’m not confident inside, though I might look well put together on the outside, I will never be happy with it and it may or may not truly express who I am and what I stand for. I had an interesting conversation with Angie recently where I was contrasting 2 separate cities and a few parties I’d been to at both. The women in city A tended to be superb on the inside, and most of them rather grungy looking on the outside (and by grungy I don’t mean the grunge style but really not great style) and the women in city B tended to be super well put together but not much confidence on the inside. If the contrasts were that extreme and I *had* to choose who I’d hang out with, I’d choose city A hands down. As Angie says, style can be taught or learned. Self confidence can too (that’s why I’m an executive coach) but in my own journey that can take decades and has to come mostly from within you, not from the outside.

October 25, 2010 at 8:55 am

Cricket

I love that “style can be learned” and “evolves over time.” I think that’s why I’ve been reading YLF for 4+ years! You’ve always made style make sense, and while I’ve enjoyed other fashion blogs over the years, YLF is the only one I still read, not because the others were not good, but I only have so much time and will give it to the best. YLF really is a style blog more than fashion blog.

October 25, 2010 at 8:58 am

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Kristen, self confidence *is* a circle that keeps on feeding on itself. And I too believe that confidence is a large element of style – because its from the inside out :-). The flip side point which Maya raises is at the forefront of this perspective too. Self confidence is indeed tricky territory.

Carole, what a happy and heartfelt comment. You made my day.

bj111, I have to run but that’s a great point. If you hold dressing well over being self confident – you’ll be judged as shallow

October 25, 2010 at 8:58 am

Maya

Veteran

BJ, for me the point is moot because 99% of people, style and confidence are interchangeable, even if it might take some time to get from point A to point B. That’s where I think most people fall into the “stylish but not yet confident” category–when they are just starting out their style journey and haven’t quite sorted themselves out. Obviously this process never truly ends, but eventually the initial trepidation wears off.

To make an analogy, it’s like losing 20 pounds but still not seeing it even when your clothes are practically falling off your body. It takes a while for the mind to catch up, and during that time you might not feel 100% sure of yourself even when everyone around you is full of praises. It’s also akin to what one of my friends told me about his experience losing weight: He went for years thinking he was perfectly healthy and felt just fine, but it wasn’t until he lost weight that he realized how terrible it felt to be overweight. Getting in shape gave him a new reference point and a new benchmark for what “healthy” is.

Likewise, someone who has been dressing poorly and thought they were confident regardless probably don’t really know what confidence is. It happens all the time on What Not To Wear: Someone comes on the show vehemently insisting they are happy and confident just the way they are, but by the end they always admit that their clothes were a reflection of their insecurities. It’s rare that someone will feel confident while wearing schmatta, or that someone who looks ravishing will feel insecure–bar those initial feelings of uncertainty I just discussed.

Also, confidence isn’t entirely about clothes and presentation. Different situations and circumstances affect our confidence levels. I never feel confident when giving a presentation, no matter how I’m dressed. I’m just a shy person and it freaks me out. I don’t think it’s fair to say that it makes me unstylish, or just a hanger for clothes though.

October 25, 2010 at 9:13 am

Antje

Veteran

What a wonderful list. Wholeheartedly agree with all of the statements. #1 and #9 ring especially true for me. Style is achieved when you express the “true you” rather than just adopt a fashion trend. I always feel the most stylish when I put an outfit together in a way that lets my personality shine through, rather than just combining items of clothing in a flattering way. I sometimes struggle with “business dressing” because it is so easy to go in a very conservative and “safe” direction. But then I add a bright red pair of pumps, or a funky necklace, or I layer a vest over my white button down, and voila, I don’t just look “professional”, but “stylishly professional” because I added some unique elements that express my funkier and bolder side.
Angie, thanks for helping us to make all these great truths our own!

October 25, 2010 at 9:18 am

taylor

Veteran

Angie, FABULOUS thoughts on this. You touched on all the key points.!!

Such thought provoking and profound replies from everyone!!

I Agree with every point you have made and those are all the reasons fashion excites and continues to empower , embrace, thrill and addict me!!

October 25, 2010 at 9:25 am

LegacyOfPearl

(website)

Angie, this is beautiful. All of them are points to think about the rest of the day, but I especially love #9. So true!

October 25, 2010 at 9:44 am

Lori

(website)

Active Member

Love, love, love this list. Especially #4 – I think so many people give up before they get started because they expect style to come naturally. Sometimes it does – and those are the lucky ones – but the rest of us have learned, and continue to learn. This is how we evolve in our style, by continuing to learn how to express ourselves to the world. Great post!!

October 25, 2010 at 10:00 am

crutcher

Veteran

Love this…I may add that style is truth that is achieved when you finally figure out who you are and celebrate you…with your style…

October 25, 2010 at 10:38 am

Scarlet

Veteran

This is exactly why I love this website so much! I am not able to put my thoughts into words so well, but suffice to say that the way that you individualize style and the joy you bring to it is beautiful. The great thoughtful comments from others here are also why I love this site. And unrelated, I am so happy you feel style can be learned. Thank you for being a teacher.

Unrelated, a great big newscaster teleprompter smile is fluff. A smile from the heart can make someone look like a million bucks.

October 25, 2010 at 10:41 am

san

Number 3, “Style is not one way of dressing” and number 10, “Style evolves over time”, both liberating to me on my personal style journey.
I think you have been saying this all along, but the penny finally dropped. Yay freedom!

October 25, 2010 at 11:10 am

Jen

Active Member

So true that ‘Style can be learned’.

I have always been intested in fashion, but I had been wearing the wrong things for my body type until I found YLF 3 years ago. Once I learned the body type, the proper fit of clothes (PPL etc.) and the layering technich from YLF (just by reading the blogs and forum posts), my style has been tremendously improved and is still evolving. I can’t say enough great things about this site. Thanks so much, Angie!

October 25, 2010 at 11:33 am

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

I so love no.4! Having struggled with finding adequate items for most of my life and after finally learning a few facts about my body shape and colors, and after accepting my very tall proportions, I am happy to embark on the journey to a new stylish me.

Great list! Thanks for putting it together and sharing with us.

October 25, 2010 at 2:12 pm

bj1111

Veteran

maya,

the analogy with weight loss is specious since your friend thought he was healthy BUT still wanted to lose weight. one can feel self confident about one’s appearance and have NO wish to change.

using people who appear on what not to wear as support that anyone who is confident about their bad style means a non-knowledge/awareness of confidence represents a selection bias…what about the ones who turned the show down?

your comment that confidence relies on more than just clothing is correct. precisely because of this, i believe that if someone with a subjectively “bad” style is secure enough to wear their style, who am i to discount that? and who am i to “improve” on that?

October 25, 2010 at 2:48 pm

shana

Veteran

Great post, Angie! Totally agree with all your points, especially number 3. I think it’s important to remember there isn’t one way to be stylish!

October 25, 2010 at 4:00 pm

tracina

I’m confused. “Style is personal”, “Style can be learned” What is there to learn if it is personal. I have been looking at style/fashion blogs for about 2 years now and I actually don’t know what style is anymore. Some of the bloggers look ridiculous to me, they put looks together like they got dressed in the dark- but they are expressing themselves. What I find interesting is there is no such thing as dressing badly.

October 25, 2010 at 4:45 pm

MsMary

Veteran

These are great. The one that’s really resonating with me right now is number 4. I always thought style was something you either had or you didn’t. But since I’ve been hanging out around here, I’m realizing that it really is possible to learn how to be stylish in one’s own way,and I’m loving it!

October 25, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Mae

Active Member

YES! This is why we love you, Angie. Thank you for being our style muse.

October 25, 2010 at 6:07 pm

Debbie

Veteran

Number 2 and 9 ring true to me. Before YLF I truly thought I needed to tone down my individual style because of age instead of developing it. I’m very grateful to Angie and this site for turning that around.

October 25, 2010 at 7:13 pm

Meredith

All I have to say is thank god for #4!! Thanks for being such a willing, wonderful style teacher. I know I have lots yet to learn!

October 25, 2010 at 8:23 pm