Comments on: What to Wear to a Funeral

By: Autumn

Autumn — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 19:48:49 +0000

I think your original idea is the best: it isn’t really about us. The best thing you can wear to a funeral is something you feel comfortable in and something that doesn’t draw all of the attention to you. When my father-in-law died, I took the liberty of buying a new suit for my husband to wear. He refused, saying everyone else would be in jeans. I thought that was inappropriate, but we compromised and he wore dark jeans and a sport coat. He was right, by the way. The young adult pall-bearers were wearing jeans. Even the funeral director was wearing black denim with his suit coat. The community is mostly ranchers, miners and construction workers, so the “appropriate” dress is much more casual. If he would have worn that suit, he would have stood out just as much as if I had worn a bright red dress. As it was the black silk dress I was wearing was dressier than most of the crowd. (Yes, even the women were wearing jeans…in church.) I have since dressed down my funeral attire to a grey twinset and black skirt, which hopefully will fit in with smart attire as well as the “dress jeans” crowd.

By: dana

dana — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 13:48:51 +0000

my mother passed away on 12/20/2012 her favroite color was red she did a prearanged funeral and her request is too wear a red suit and accent it with white these were her final wishes so i did honor that but i have silbling fighting me on this and i too also want to wear a red dress would this be appoirate for me as well please help services is monday i need too make a decsion by friday.

By: Heather

Heather — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 19:29:25 +0000

I will be attending my grandmothers funeral tomorrow, I am going to wear a tweed skirt, with a white top and black boots and hoes. Tonight at her viewing I am wearing a brown jacket, shirt that matches it white/cream stripes with brown, tailored blue jeans and black boots. I think it depends on where you life, in Texas blue jeans are literally considered appropriate pretty much everywhere, and I do not own anything that would look as good as the jeans. I have some old black pants but they are not as nice. I think it depends on your family, and your age. I’m 23 so wearing jeans will not stick out as much in comparison to if my mom did it.

By: Ignorant Awareness

Ignorant Awareness — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 21:15:47 +0000

We don’t usually have an official funeral service, in my culture- it’s more of an ‘at home’ thing, where you visit the family of the deceased & bring them food for a couple days etc & help tend to the everyday parts of their lives that they probably don’t want to deal with right then.

Therefore, you don’t really wear black but just simple clothes in a dark colour (‘simple’ for us is different to the western notion of the word though- you’d still wear clothing with a pattern/ embroidery/ contrasting colour on it, as well as jewellery).

That said though, I do live in the UK & I really think I should make myself a funeral ‘outfit’ as it were, especially since I don’t own any black clothes apart from my old school uniform. You never know what might happen, so you want to be prepared.

By: Fernanda Vello

Fernanda Vello — Sat, 07 Jul 2012 02:37:51 +0000

My mother-in-law hated black or white so we decided to wear something pink for her funeral since she died of breast cancer.

My son, husband, and brothers-in-law chose to wear pink ties. Some pale pink, some darker than pale. I am wearing a black skirt with a dark pink silky shirt. We chose pink flowers with lavender and white.

We are also giving away a pink baloons to toss into the air at the end. I have a 3 year old and she adores her grandma. I feel that it is a good idea that we let her go this way.

I am just a bit affraid I will give people reason to criticize us. We just have the best intention but we cant win everyone’s opinion, We hope she likes it.

By: KD

KD — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 18:29:54 +0000

Pops (my father in love) loved to see me in red. To his funeral I wore a black skirt, black top and a bright red jacket, black hose, and black shoes. I did it in loving memory of him and him alone. To all others funerals it’s always been black business formal from head to toe. I asked my ultra-conservative husband if he would be bothered if I did it? He was good with it. If no one else understood? Too bad for them. Miss you still Pops!!!

By: transition

transition — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:39:44 +0000

I wore a conservative black dress to my aunt’s midwestern US funeral about seven years ago and was criticized for not wearing color.

So I wore blue and gray to the next funeral I attended (for a co-workers baby) and was really out of place. I should have ignored the criticism and stuck with black.

By: Pam

Pam — Fri, 11 May 2012 15:07:15 +0000

I was really interested to see how many people wear exclusively black to funerals. Where I grew up there was a sort of unwritten rule that black, especially full black, was only really appropriate for family members and the very most intimate friends. Even then, there was a vague idea that unrelieved black was maybe just a trifle over-done. Dark suits for men, dark or muted colors and tailored, business-like dress (and always hose and close-toed shoes, but this was 20 years ago on the East Coast of the US) were the norm for women at traditional funerals. Most funerals I have attended in the last few years have been of business associates, for whom those rules would still generally apply, or for dear family friends, whose families almost universally have requested that the funeral be a celebration of their loved one’s (usually very high-spirited) life, in which case clothing tends to get both lighter and looser.

By: Diane Elizabeth

Diane Elizabeth — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 03:36:08 +0000

This is always a puzzling thing for me, First of all you never know what’s right and whats inappropriate. Then there’s always a comment somewhere in the crowd, “Did you see what Miss Thing is wearing?” Me not being the smallest of sizes tend to go for a straight dress at the knee or below with a matching short blazer sleeves pulled up to 3/4 sleeve, closed toe 3 or 4 inch matching pumps, handbag and sunglasses if services are outdoors. Also simple jewelry nothing flashy.

Someone made a point, that no matter what , after this funeral has passed when looking in your closet down the road the reminder of the particular outfit will bring the memory back to mind, which for me makes it hard to wear again or get rid of it. Always a sentimental thing for me, outfits, dresses etc. etc. remind me of people, places and occasions. Memories, some good, some bad. Don’t know if that’s a good thing…….When I pass, I would like a small dinner party instead of a funeral, flowers etc. etc. to celebrate my life simple and easy I think.

By: medusa

medusa — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 19:40:42 +0000

I love the MDM mnemonic.