During my childhood and teens my parents’ budget was strait and clothing was not one of the priorities. Besides, my parents motto was is and will be “make do and do without”. Now that I am fluent in 3 languages, I can swim, dance and play the piano, and don’t have to worry for my parents housing I think it was a wise choice, but at the time I ABSOLUTELY HATED wearing hand me downs, imitations, 10 years past fashion clothes, and homemade clothes. I felt awkward, ugly and unsightly. Absolutely out of tune, of time, of place.

I insist, this is how I felt during the late eighties and most of the nineties.

So, I used to believe that my friends’ flashy clothes were the secret, so in the rare occasions I landed a Benetton piece I felt on top of the world. If someone lent me a latest fashion shirt (and it was the real thing and not, say, “Benteeon”), or if saved money from odd jobs and buy a pair of Levy’s, I felt a rush of self confidence that everyone noticed. That was as a teenager. (But then, who didn’t feel a bit awkward during that time of life?)

Then, during college, I went against that need and dressed only with old and shabby clothes. I rebelled against all the money spent in flashy things and simply covered my body, trying to win everyone with my natural charm and wit. Boy was that stupid!

But it wasn’t until I got my first real job and had some real money, that I started giving my wardrobe a serious thought. And here comes the answer to your question: clothes making me feel sexy are good quality and good shape casual pieces that fit me like a glove, and don’t call attention to themselves but to my curves.

Developing an eye for good quality stuff is tricky, because particularly with knitted garments, you don’t get to see what it is made of until you wear it a few times. Brands and prices are of no help when you live in a wool producing country. Also, keeping things clean and in good shape is difficult – sweat absolutely destroys shirts, which are the sexiest thing I could ever wear. Jeans are HARD to select, and I can’t tell which shoes will be a nightmare and which won’t (well, that’s easy, except running shoes everything else will have a good shot at torturing my feet). I am discovering and playing with accessories, scarves and earrings, but one thing at the time.

I know my body’s assets but I hate feeling exposed, so my choices are rather modest. I believe that cleavage, shoulders, back and thighs… well, choose 2 or better yet, choose 1 and you got a winning number. I don’t mind clothes that cling or allow a faint see through, but I do mind clothes that show. Big no-no.

Also, my hair. It’s naturally strong and shiny, and I learned not to fear bad cuts because no matter how good or bad the cut is, hair grows back. I give my hair days off -I allow it to look less than spectacular, and the longer it gets the less I wash it (waistlong hair works best with once a week wash, I’ve discovered). I only use the dryer if I absolutely need to, and that happens less than once a month.

I’ve never changed my color or submitted it to any chemical aggression, and thankfully, it shows. I believe nature knows best, and no color will match my skin and eyes better than my natural one. At 30 I don’t have any white hairs (nor does my mom at 57) but I am not afraid of seeing it change its look. Healthy is more attractive than youth-color looking, and believe me, the most interesting ladies I’ve met are not the ones with old skin and dark hair, but the ones with young skin and white hair. Those are unforgettable, but then, these days it takes a good deal of guts to allow your hair getting white before you reach 40. And a peculiar taste to like it too.

I really liked when you said to reconsider the haircut, I’ve worn it very short and played with a mohawk and very long and worn tresses. Wearing bad clothes and believing it wouldn’t matter was stupid, but not associating my look with any particular hairstyle is more like me. And helps date any pictures easily

It is very difficult to me to throw things that are still wearable but are not in good shape anymore, but I realized that really undermines my self image. But then, I’m not exactly affluent and get caught in the “make do…” philosophy. Oh boy…

Thank you for this place to share thoughts, Angie!

1. Red Lipstick
2. A nice bra and undies
3. Some of the styles you put out there, also make me feel alluring, in particular the “sleek,” “commanding,” and “naughty,” looks. I feel less sexy in fashion foward outfits, more sexy in classic (yet not boring) styles.